


Ghosts And Scars

by MissLillyLovee



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Attempted Sexual Assault, Characters will be added as story progresses, Date Rape Drug/Roofies, F/M, Multi, NSFW, Oral Sex, Polyamorous Relationships, Rating May Change, Reader Insert, Tags & Relationships may be updated as story progresses, Uhh there's porn I don't really know how else to tag this or if it needs different tags, Vaginal Sex, Various polycules
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-24
Updated: 2019-11-17
Packaged: 2020-01-25 20:33:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 24
Words: 75,986
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18582088
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissLillyLovee/pseuds/MissLillyLovee
Summary: Ghosts are real, and old scars can still be torn back open.This follows the story of a young woman with a not-so-clean past as she finds home in Blackwatch, falls in love, only to see it all fall apart.The story of a woman who'd seen far too much, lost far too much, and would find that ghosts of her past will pop up wherever she goes.





	1. Blackwatch Days (Part 1) An Offer

**Author's Note:**

> I'm a few years late to the Overwatch reader insert scene, I guess, but this was an idea that started swimming around in my head at random and I decided to try and make something out of it. It may or may not end up devolving into porn, but hopefully, it'll still be porn with a plot if it does.

When you applied to join Overwatch, you hadn’t really expected much. On paper, you were an information specialist, with training in weapons design and close-quarter combat at most. In truth, you were a hacker, a tinkerer, and had a habit of picking fights you probably couldn’t win. But it had gotten you through school and gotten you a decent tour in the military for someone your age. Still, you weren’t the best in your field and you didn’t think Overwatch had much good for a ex-soldier who was only a rung or two over being a criminal at this point. And the only reason for  _that_ was protection your skill earned you while you were in the military.

So, yeah, you didn’t expect much. You certainly didn’t expect to be stopped outside your apartment building, by a _cowboy,_ no less, who proceeded to flash an Overwatch badge alongside a badge you didn’t recognize. The way he did it made you think he’d probably been rehearsing this for a while. Or he’d faked it a lot in the past.

“I’ve got orders t’ arrange a meeting with my superiors,” He drawled in a southern accent that had almost a little _too_ much oomph to it. You arched a brow, crossing your arms over your chest. He was a fair bit taller than you were, but you did your best to look intimidating all the same. Even if you knew it had no effect on him.

“Yeah, right. Overwatch is going to send an Old Western cosplayer to my _apartment_ to set up a meeting. Aren’t they kind of a professional organization?” You spoke in a rather scathing tone, and the cowboy laughed, tipping his dark hat up to look you over for a moment.

“Yeah, you’re right, they are. But technically speaking, _Overwatch_ didn’t send me anywhere. Not on paper anyway. They don’t have a lot of use for hackers. Like you said, they’re a _professional_ organization.” You bristled at him, your eyes narrowing, picking absently at a spot on your sleeve; a nervous habit you hadn’t quite gotten out of.

“I’m not a hacker,” You argued, knowing full well that was a lie. “I’m an information specialist.” The cowboy snorted in laughter, shaking his head in amusement.

“Right, and that’s just a fancy-pants way of sayin’ yer a hacker.” He was prodding you now, and you glared at him. He shrugged his shoulders loosely. “I mean, _you’re_ the one that sent in an application, darlin’, if you really don’t wanna be a part of Overwatch that’s fine by me.” He started to walk away, before deciding to add one more comment.

“Good luck trying to get a gig this good with your track record, though.”

You spun around on him, fuming; you knew you _shouldn’t_ respond. He was only trying to goad you on, it wasn’t like he knew anything, right? All your records were confidential, military only. Even the civilian counts, simply because they felt responsible for you. You shouldn’t have responded, but your defensiveness was never too rational.

“The hell is that supposed to mean, ‘my track record’?” You snapped, and when he stopped and looked over his shoulder at you, the brim of his hat didn’t hide a smug smirk. He turned back around, slowly, the spurs on his boots tinkling, and stepped closer. And kept coming closer. You felt your heart trip up a little bit, as he kept walking towards you, getting close enough that you had to take a step back, and another, until he’d cornered you up against the brick of your apartment building. He leaned in, his voice too low to be overheard.

“Lets see, ya’ve got about six counts of disorderly conduct, two counts of criminal theft _not_ related to the military, which you served three years in juvenile for, and a pretty little laundry list of petty misdemeanors,” As he spoke, he placed the flat of his palm against the wall above and beside your head, leaning in over you just a little closer, emphasizing the height difference. You felt trapped, and were painfully aware of just how warm the air was with him so close. “And that’s just your pre-military, hidden records. Only reason they took you on was ‘cause ya were good at what ya did and could provide early-development weapons mods from the enemies. Don’t think we’ve got time t’go over the colorful list of things that got ya discharged. Your talents are gonna go t’waste, no one in their right mind would hire ya on after all that.”

“And Overwatch would?” You replied sharply, still trying to keep up your tough-guy act; your voice betrayed you with a waver. You were currently cornered on an mostly empty street, with a man who knew far too much about you to be faking it all but pinning you against a wall. He laughed, tipping his head down a little; the brim of his hat saved your eyes from the glare of the mid-afternoon sun, and you realized that this wasn’t necessarily a man; he couldn’t have been more than eighteen or nineteen at best.

It didn’t change the fact that he was way too close, knew way too much, and was making your heart hammer out of your damn chest. You glared back weakly into his smug expression and he shrugged one shoulder, still not giving you any space.

“Not officially. But people don’t have ta know you’re part of the team and on the payroll. Leave the theatrics to Morrison, right?” Even the way he spoke of Overwatch’s apparent poster boy, Jack Morrison, made you just a little uncomfortable. As if there was some kind of familiarity there. Overwatch _would_ have access to your military files, considering the level they were on, and if this kid was serious, you really would be passing up what was easily the best offer you’d ever get.

Your head shot up, though you couldn’t look around the cowboy, when someone said your name. “Everything okay, missy?” Finally he let you duck under his arm just enough to look at the questioner; one of your neighbors, a kindly older gentleman who had taken a bit of a shine to you. You smiled weakly at him; while it was unfortunate that your cheeks had turned a dark shade of red knowing that this man knew so much about you, it at least served to make this look like something far different.

“Everything’s fine, Nate, thank you,” You replied, a little breathlessly, while the cowboy dipped his head and let out a low chuckle that rumbled through your chest from his proximity. His breath was warm against your shoulder and it was enough to distract you, and keep up a small facade at the same time. Nate eyed you uncertainly for a moment, then nodded his head and went up the steps and inside.

You took a moment to collect yourself and pressed back against the wall so you could look up at him again. Still glaring, but this time there was definitely a twinge of curiosity in your eyes. “So what you’re saying is, Overwatch would hire me under the table to work for them, and just ignore my entire history?”

“I’m sayin’ no such thing, Darlin’,” he laughed, but it was an evasive statement you knew all too well. His eyes glittered with playful mischief. “All I’m sayin’ is, my superiors want a word with ya, and you’d be silly t’pass up the opportunity.”

You looked away from him, wishing he would take a step back or so, give you a little bit of breathing room so you could think. He seemed to be enjoying how much this shook you far too much to step away. You crossed your arms as if to put a barrier between you and let out a low, frustrated huff.

“ _Fine._ Where do I need to go?” You looked back up at him, and finally he stepped away, smiling triumphantly. He’d done his job.

“Got much up there you need?” He asked instead of giving an answer, nodding to the building behind you. You blinked at him a few times, before looking back and looking up to the floor your apartment was on.

“Just my whole life.” You answered after a few moments of thinking. You could probably leave a lot of it behind, if you had to, but you didn’t want to. Even with the stained record, you had too much invested in everything you owned to just up and leave it. He chuckled softly and started for the door.

“Well, we’d best get packing then.”

“Now hold on a minute,” You gave him a look and he stopped, looking mildly exasperated, and turned to look down the stairs at you. “I never said I was going anywhere with you, and I definitely didn’t say I was going to pack up and move without sorting things out. I just asked where I’m meant to meet you.” He sighed, and crossed his arms with a shake of his head.

“My orders are t’ get a meeting arranged, and deliver ya to my boss so he can get the paperwork all figured out and get ya settled in. Not tell ya were to go. That’d be too much of a risk. Yer not exactly a sparkling example for trustworthiness, darlin’.”

Again you just glared at him, tempted to tell him just where he could shove those orders, and he seemed to finally be losing patience with his little game. He descended the stairs at an alarming rate and was in your space again in a few seconds, making your breath catch in your throat. You started to back away, but his hand caught your arm and kept you close. “Look, missy. I ain’t got all day, and Blackwatch ain’t gonna beg ya for shit. You want this gig, you’re gonna pack up your life and bring it with us; you don’t, and ye’ve wasted my time and yours and I need to get back to base to tell the boss.”

Your heart was racing, and his touch felt scalding. His demeanor had changed so quickly, from playful and smug to impatience and pure intimidation, and despite the work you’d done in the military, despite dealing with hardass officers all the time, despite staring down their spitting rage when they found out what you’d done without batting an eye, something about the switch made your defenses shrink in on themselves. Those men were typically just bravado, dangerous only to the people on the field. You weren’t a _traitor,_ and thus you weren’t their enemy.

This man, however, suddenly radiated pure, true danger. You got the feeling military wasn’t his background; whatever he’d done before Overwatch - or Blackwatch, which you could only assume was a branch of the organization - it wasn’t something that would comfort you to know. That, you could tell.

You bit back a whimper that threatened to expose just how much that frightened you, tried to jerk your arm free only for him to hold on tighter, and then looked away from the hard stare he’d leveled you with. “Fine, _fine,_ christ just let me go. I’ll come with you.” You muttered, and his fingers loosened on your arm. You could’ve told him to fuck off; withdrawn any desire you had to join Overwatch. But you knew his words earlier were right. This was probably your last ditch effort to make a use of your talents anymore. No one else would dream of hiring you when you had a list of crimes a mile and a half long.

He stepped back and again started for the door of the apartment building. Looking over his shoulder, that tense impatience seemed to have melted away again, though his smile didn’t quite reach his eyes this time. “Name’s Jesse, by the way. Jesse McCree.”

You almost scoffed.


	2. Blackwatch Days (Part 2) Threats and Regulations

You couldn’t really believe you’d agreed to this. 

Sorting the apartment was easiest. You packed up every valuable piece of tech that you owned, emptied your dressers and closet into a couple of suitcases, paid your last month’s rent to the owners downstairs and said goodbye to Nate - mostly as a courtesy, so he wouldn’t worry himself sick. You just told him you had a job offer that was too good to refuse and you were headed there today.

The hard part was sitting in the back of a military-grade vehicle, with your life’s work sitting in boxes beside you and McCree sitting across from you, watching your nervous fidgeting with far too much interest. Realizing you had no idea where you were being taken, if this really was just some elaborate plan to steal everything you’d ever done and kill you, and - even if it was legitimate - no idea if you’d even survive your first few weeks with Overwatch.

Or Blackwatch.

Whatever it was you were getting yourself into. 

After a little while, it seemed like your fidgeting finally got to McCree and he sat forward, grabbing your wrist to still your twisting hands. “Look,” He sighed, releasing you quicker than he had before when you froze up, and you dropped your hands to your lap. “I get it, you’re scared. I probably shouldn’t’a lost my temper back there, and m’sorry. But I promise ya, this is a chance of a lifetime. Lookin’ through your file, I’m surprised you weren’t writing to Overwatch from a prison cell. Shit girl, you damn near give Deadlock a run for their money. But you’re good at what ya do, and it’d be a damn shame to let it go to waste.”

You blinked at him, tilting your head in confusion. “Deadlock?” You knew the name, of course; news of the gang wasn’t exactly hidden. What didn’t quite settle was his comparison; as if he had knowledge of just how bad they were; from what you knew of them, well, you had done a  _ lot _ worse. He made it sound like that wasn’t quite the case. You weren’t going address the fact that he was probably right in being surprised you weren’t imprisoned after your discharge. You weren’t entirely sure why that was either.

As if he could see the gears working in your mind, he twisted his arm around slightly, and you caught sight of something you’d not noticed before, when he had you pinned. A deadlock tattoo on his forearm. You weren’t entirely sure  _ how _ you hadn’t seen it, actually, considering it’d been extremely close to your face. Granted, you  _ had _ been a little distracted by more than you’d like to admit. 

“Used to run with ‘em. Kinda what got me here. Trust me when I say, you’re lucky. Reyes can be a hardass, and he’s gonna run ya through the ringer, but if you make it out the other side, he’s worth havin’ on your side. He takes care of his own,” He paused, tipped his head, and smiled wryly. “Just don’t tell ‘im I said that.” 

Despite your mistrust and honest fear of him as of now, you couldn’t help but smile a little bit at the way McCree spoke of his commanding officer, and yet something was picking at your mind. “...What happened?” You asked, tipping your head a little to indicate the tattoo. Too quickly for your liking, his expression darkened, and you thought for a moment you might’ve far overstepped a line. Then he leveled you with an almost smug smirk.

“Tell ya what. You make it through training, maybe I’ll tell ya.” He sat back, pulling his hat down over his eyes, and hummed thoughtfully. “Maybe.”

You frowned at him, though he couldn’t see, very nearly pouting. He’d caught your curiosity, and now he was just going to leave you hanging like that? After everything, he owed you  _ something. _ He’d scared the living hell out of you, for god’s sake. 

You almost wanted to say that, but thought better of it and sighed, sitting back and pulling up your phone. If nothing else, once you got settled in, you could probably do some poking around, given they didn’t keep internal data  _ too _ locked down, and find out for yourself. 

The two of you fell into a relative silence, a feat you suspected had a lot to do with McCree falling asleep across from you, and the drive went by uneventfully. A few hours after you left your apartment, you transferred from the truck to a drop ship, where you were thankfully able to better store your things, and took a nap of your own the rest of the way there.

McCree shook you awake a few minutes before you were supposed to land, his hands going up in a surrendering motion when you shot up and made to swing. After a brief moment of confusion and remembering where you were, you sighed and dropped your hands again. “Don’t  _ do _ that, do you want me to punch you?”

To your surprise, he grinned cheekily as his own hands fell to his side again. “I’d definitely like to see you try.” You leveled him with a narrow-eyed scowl, and he laughed. “We’re gonna hit base soon, figured you’d want a few minutes to get yourself together. Won’t have to worry about movin’ your stuff, someone’ll probably take it to your quarters.” Swinging your legs around, you sat up on the couch you’d decided to rest on, feeling anxiety start to bubble up in your chest.

It was enough to make the irritation you felt at the kid’s attitude ebb away. Again it swam around your mind, just how crazy this was. You’d literally just picked up and moved your entire life because a cowboy said Overwatch would actually take you on. No solid proof, no guarantee you’d leave wherever this base was alive, and no safety net to fall into if it all went to shit. You weren’t even armed, not that it’d matter much if this was a trap; you were alone facing who knew how many other people.

“Hey,” You were surprised by Jesse’s voice sounding closer, and jumped a little when you realized he’d sat on the table in front of you without you noticing. Of course,  _ he’d _ noticed your habits again, picking anxiously at the sleeve of your jacket as you stared off into the abyss. “Relax, alright? Nobody’s gonna hurt ya here. I meant what I said, despite your record, it’s proof you’re good at what ya do, and we could use someone with your skill here.” You looked up at him with doubt in your eyes and he sighed faintly.

“Reyes is gonna be a dick. I’ll just put that out there now. Not only are ya a new recruit, but yer a volatile risk. He’s gonna push yer buttons, he’s gonna piss ya off, he’s gonna make ya hate him. It’s just to make sure yer committed t’ this. He needs t’know he can trust ya not to pull the same stunts ya did with the military.” He leaned back on his hands and leveled you with a steady gaze. “And he’s gonna run yer ass ragged, too. Ya might be an ex soldier, but yer not much of a fighter.” 

At this you laughed, and he raised a hand, fighting back a smile. “Let me rephrase that, yer not much of a front line fighter. Bar brawls n’ the like don’t count. Military kept you in the back, working information and designing weapons. We don’t play that here. You’ll make use of your talents, but he’ll expect ya to use your designs as much as produce ‘em for us. Training weeks are gonna be hell. Ever need someone t’bitch ta, or even get some tension out on, I’ll be ‘round.” 

You were going to pretend you didn’t see the glint in his eye at his additional statement. He wasn’t doing much to ease your anxieties, but still you gave him a tight lipped smile in an attempt to show you appreciate his efforts. “I’ll keep that in mind, provided I survive any of this.” He raised a brow and laughed.

“Ain’t you a ray of sunshine. You’ll be fine, darlin’, you’ve been through the deal already.” He mused, getting up off the table and wandering towards the dropship door to look outside as you started to descend. You clicked your tongue once and sat back a bit, trying to calm your suddenly racing heart.

“You said it yourself, I wasn’t trained the way you’re talking about. And besides,  _ you’re _ the one that implied I may not make it through all this.” You mutter, but McCree’s suddenly gone somewhat tense. This did nothing for your nerves and you stood up to join him at the door. Next to the landing pad stood three figures you couldn’t quite make up, considering you were still a fair ways in the air as the ship descended. McCree obviously recognized them.

“They’re more excited than I expected. Might wanna steel yourself, darlin’, you ain’t gonna have much time to get your feet under ya.” His voice had gone a little quieter, and you swallowed hard. The trio came into focus as you landed, and you only recognized one of them. This recognition simultaneously made your heart jump straight into your throat, and lessened the pit in your stomach, if only just.

The doors opened to your greeting party, McCree’s back straightening only slightly, while you drew yourself up and stood like the soldier you’d been, heart threatening to break through your ribcage.

To one side, a peculiar sight drew your attention for just a moment. Half human, half-machine, a young man whose body seemed mostly mechanical looked at you through a mask covering half his face, the energy coming off of him setting you on edge. To the other side, none other than Jack Morrison stood, looking down at you with a smooth, unreadable expression, the unease in your stomach boiling up again when you met dark blue eyes.

Between them stood who you could only assume was your new commander. Like Morrison, he towered over you, his feet set apart, shoulders squared, dark eyes narrowed and untrusting. He had his hands folded behind his back and he radiated control. You debated saluting, but before you could move either way, McCree broke the tense silence.

“Wasn’t exactly expectin’ such an important welcome party. Genji,” He nodded to the cybernetic man to Reyes’ left, who turned his eyes on the cowboy and dipped his head once. “Not to overstep any lines or anythin’, but the hell’re you doin’ here, Commander Morrison?” He looked to the blond, who rose a brow at his tone.

“I passed her file to Gabriel. It’s only right I’m the one to give the needed warnings before I let him take over.” Commander Reyes’ lip twitched slightly, whether in a smirk or a scowl you weren’t sure. You didn’t get much time to think on it. Jack stepped up, just a little too close for your liking, and it was all you could do not to stumble back onto the dropship. At least he wasn’t being as bad as McCree had been.

Your name came out sharp and commanding and you snapped your nervous eyes up to his. “You’re on lock until we know we can trust you to stick to our cause. Any and all communications in or out of the facility will be strictly monitored. Incoming encrypted messages will be decoded before being passed on, and any attempt to send out encrypted messages will result in a one-way ticket to a prison cell. As will any attempts to override security protocols or any systems on base, to hack into or control any technology but your own, or to remove early stage tech from onsite labs.” You swallowed hard; they were covering their bases.

“You’re not to leave base without an escort until further notice, and tracking and monitoring systems will be installed on all of your communications devices. You’re a useful asset to Blackwatch, soldier, but I don’t trust you half as far as I could throw you.”

“I don’t know, Morrison,” Reyes spoke for the first time since you’d stepped out of the ship, and you were surprised at the sound of it. “Small as she is, I get the feeling you could toss her pretty far.” McCree had to stifle a laugh, and despite the fact the cyborg seemed to radiate nothing but hatred and rage, you could almost sense amusement off him as well. Your face and neck turned a deep shade of red and you resisted the urge to scowl. Jack offered him little more than a roll of his eyes, his focus maintained on you.

“Are we clear?” You swallowed hard, still blushing furiously at Gabriel’s comment.

“Crystal.”

Jack’s eyes narrowed faintly, and he took half a step closer to you, making you wobble a bit as you tipped your head up to keep your eyes on his. “Are we clear, soldier?” Your heart skipped a beat at the slightly dangerous undertone he took. Even if it was one you recognized and were used to, you were too on edge for your typical thick skin to shield you from the effect it had.

“Sir, yes sir.” You straightened, gave him a small salute, and turned your eyes down finally. Not before you saw the faintest smirk cross his lips. He took a step back, letting you breathe again, and turned to look at Gabriel. 

“She’s all yours, Commander Reyes. Try not to run her off too soon.” You looked up to see a grin spread across Gabriel’s face, and you weren’t sure you liked the glint in his eyes as Morrison all but marched away. Dark eyes turned to you and he gave you a onceover, still standing with your shoulders squared and your hands straight at your sides, carefully regulating your breathing. You were almost sure he could  _ feel _ the anxiety currently boiling in your stomach.

“Jesse,” His voice came out as a bark, making you jump, and you felt heat creeping up your cheeks again when his eyes glittered with clear amusement. Damnit, you’d been around men like him since you were seventeen, why did this make you so nervous?

Probably, a small voice in your head piped up, because you had no protections here. If you fucked this up in any way, you were losing everything, and for all you knew they had permissions to haul you to prison if you didn’t perform to their standards. 

“Commander?” Jesse’s voice, on the contrary, brought you out of your little thought spiral easily, though your head snapped to the side to look at him, realizing he was still standing rather close to your side. Like he was trying to be comforting. Did he feel bad for putting you this on edge, maybe?

Or did he understand and sympathise with the fear?

“I want you to take her clothes and any of her non-electronic belongings to Q1A. Leave any electronics or communications with me, Genji will take them to have the necessary installations.” Jesse grunted slightly and turned back towards the dropship. But not before you muttered to you;

“Don’t worry darlin’, I won’t go through any of your intimates.” You twisted around, ready to slap him, but he’d already moved out of arm’s length and you growled softly. Behind you, you heard the cyborg, Genji, chuckle. 

“Step forward,” Gabriel barked, and you straightened back up, doing as he commanded and taking a few steps away from the dropship, looking up at him after taking a deep breath. “Jacket off, arms out.” You grimaced briefly, shrugging out of the jacket you wore and dropping it to the side. A pat down, of course, because who knew what you were hiding on your person. You lifted your arms, hands out to either side of you, keeping your posture as straight as you could.

He started at your collar, feeling around for wires or any sort of bug you may have adorned, moving down your arms. First down the tops, and then underneath. You tried not to twitch when his fingers pressed to your underarms and the upper sides of your chest. He passed a hand over the front briefly, only touching you enough to see if there was anything hidden in your shirt or bra. Still, your heart skipped a little, and he seemed to notice; he chuckled, doing nothing to hide a smirk on his lips.

He stepped closer as he started to move down, hands over your sides, and this time you couldn’t keep from twitching away from his touch, a little squeak betraying you as the press of his fingers were enough tickle you. He laughed fully at this, pulling you back to place, reaching along your back and moving further down.

“Ticklish?” He mused, and you hated how you involuntarily shivered. Why were they all so intent on getting into your personal space and making you squirm? Thankfully he wasn’t looking at your face, so he didn’t see the scowl that you gave, though you caught Jesse grinning out of the corner of your eye as he walked off with your suitcases.

“Unfortunately, Sir.” You replied, your tone sharp, and he hummed with a notable chuckle in his tone. As his hands passed over your hip, he paused, and tucked his hand into your pocket to pull your phone out of it, handing it out without looking. Genji took it from him and set it on the stack of boxes you hadn’t seen Jesse deliver out of the drop ship. 

You tipped your head to stare up at the half-ceiling that gave to a cloudless sky as he continued his search, finding nothing else of interest, save the way you twitched and squirmed when he’d hit a particularly ticklish spot on you. “Not even armed,” He commented, sounding surprised. You glanced at him.

“I don’t make a habit of wandering around town with my weapons on me, and what was I gonna do? Slip a knife in my boot when your cowboy was hovering?” You didn’t mean to snap, really, but between your frayed nerves, what you’d already dealt with from McCree, and the irritation that your new commander seemed to be honing in on the buttons he needed to push to get to you already, your temper was starting to flare up in defense.

“Watch the tone, recruit,” Reyes replied shortly, and though he was still smirking there was a darkness in his voice and you swallowed, quickly reverting to your training and straightening out when he stepped back, hands to your sides and your eyes slightly averted.

“Alright, Genji, get someone to help take all that down to get fixed up, then have it delivered to her quarters. You,” He barked at you as he turned on his heel. “Follow me.” He marched away from the landing pad and you scurried to keep up. You hated that you  _ felt _ that new recruit nervousness, felt far too small. You knew, instinctively, this was gonna be far different than your tours in the military. And you had a feeling your commander was going to make it far, far more difficult.

You followed him through the facility, your hands shoved into your pockets, passing more than a fair few other members scurrying around to get their work done. You didn’t like that a few of the faces you saw, you caught sympathy in. How much shit had you actually gotten yourself into?

Commander Reyes led you to an office that looked out on what you could only assume was a training arena, but as soon as you entered, he hit a button and the window overlooking the arena turned dark and you couldn’t see anything through it. He closed the door behind you, and motioned to a seat in front of the desk while making his way to the one behind.

“Well, Morrison’s gone over most of the warnings.” He started without looking at you, pulling a pair of files out from one of his drawers and setting them on the desk between you. “What it boils down to is if you even think about trying to betray us, you’re going to prison. If you use our resources the way you used the American military’s, you’re going to prison.” He flipped open one of the folders, but before you could see what was inside it he placed a large hand over the paperwork and leaned forward so he could catch your eye.

“And if I catch you doing anything to fuck over my team, you’re going to  _ wish _ I’d sent you to prison. Understood, recruit?” If McCree’s impatience had seemed dangerous, the deathly serious threat in Gabriel’s voice was something on an entirely different level. You paled slightly, nodding your head mutely. He grunted. “An answer, please.”

“I understand, Sir.” You give, speaking as shortly as you can to avoid letting him hear the tremor in your voice. He seemed satisfied enough, sitting back and letting you see that the file he’d opened had been your military history. Records of service, pages of the weapons and weapon mods you’d designed, and you knew that deep under that, were the records of all the bad things you’d done. Extortions, framing, a few hits even, all under the radar until you’d slipped up and someone had gotten into your locked files. Everything that had lead to your discharge.

Gabriel’s hand covered the papers again when he realized you were staring at them with a blank look in your eyes, clearing his throat. “Eyes up, recruit.” You glanced up at him. His expression was unreadable, his tone still a little sharp. “We have access to every record you’ve acquired over the years. And some even you don’t know about. We know everything except what you like to do in bed, so keep that in mind if you think you’re going to get anything by us.” You were ignoring the way heat bloomed on your collar and crept up your neck again.

“Yes, sir.”

“Good. Now, I’ll be real with you. You’re not gonna have fun here. You’ve got six weeks of extensive training ahead of you if you’re going to be fit for my team, and I’m not about to make anyone else responsible for you, so I’m gonna make damn sure that happens. You’re not gonna like me, recruit, I can tell you that now,” You almost -  _ almost  _ \- laughed.

“I’ve had this speech already,” You offer, a little hesitantly, and he arched a brow. He gave you a wry smile and shook his head for a moment. 

“Do I even want to ask what Jesse said to you?” His tone took on an affectionate note, if only for a moment, and he shook his head a little. “Don’t, I don’t. That being said, he’s not wrong. It isn’t my job to be your friend while I’m training you. It’s my job to make sure you’ll keep your own ass alive and have your team’s back. This is my one and  _ only _ offer to let you walk away. Take you back to your home and let you pretend you never met us.” You tilted your head a little, suspecting something was coming from this.

He leaned forward, and you found yourself caught and stuck in his gaze for a few moments as he leaned heavily into his desk, his hands clasped in front of him. “Because if you walk out of this room one of my recruits, there’s no quitting. I will push you until you fit your place on the team, or I will break you. You leave this room as one of my recruits, and your only way out is an order from the good doctor.” 

You swallowed hard, ignoring the little spark of exhilaration that threat sent through your stomach. Something about the way he said it made your skin tingle strangely. But you knew it wasn’t a threat to take lightly. His tone was deadly serious, and he wouldn’t let you break eye contact as he stared you down. You worried your lip, staring right back at him, and finally replied, this time not even attempting to pretend your voice didn’t tremble with uncertainty.

“I understand that, sir. I’m here.”

He kept your gazes locked for a few seconds longer than you were comfortable with, and then his face broke out into a gleeful, almost mischievous smile that made you immediately question your decision.

“Hope you don’t live to regret that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well this ended up a fair bit longer than the first... but that's okay.  
> I'd like to note that these are all mostly first drafts, I know I'd probably benefit from going through and editing some, but I find that if I overthink I don't get things out and I'd rather try to keep updating than not.  
> Either way I hope whoever reads enjoys. :l


	3. Blackwatch Days (Part 3) Training Hell and an Angel Savior.

You did live.

And you  _ definitely _ regretted it.

The first two weeks of training were, by far, the worst. 

On your arrival, after Gabriel had gone through the extensive contract - a fair bit longer than most, you expected, as it addressed specific requirements and agreements that encapsulated the rules - and threats - that Gabriel and Jack had given you - you’d been shown your room. Your bedding had already been put on the metal framed bed, and your suitcases sat atop it ready to be unloaded. None of your other things had been brought to your room yet. You’d learned later that evening, via a begrudged Genji, that you wouldn’t get it back until everything had been checked and secured with the necessary installations. Winston, he’d said, wanted to be very thorough. You didn’t recognize the name, and you weren’t sure you cared, except that he was poking through your personal things.

You kept to yourself that day, and you’d find that was the only time you got to do that.

“Rise and shine,” You were woken by a voice  _ in _ your room, and you bolted upright with your blanket pulled up to your chin. Reyes stood in front of the bare dresser, setting out what looked like a uniform, a water bottle and what looked like a few granola bars. He wasn’t even looking at you.

“What time is it?” You croaked, voice rough with sleep, and he laughed.

“Time to get ready for your day, princess.” He turned to look at you, his brow raised when he noted how you were sitting, and you hated that the smirk on his lips made your cheeks tint pink again. “You’ve got three minutes, if you’re not out of this room in that time I’ll be back.” He turned on his heel and marched out of the room, the metal door sliding shut behind him. You weren’t about to risk him coming back to you half-dressed, so as soon as you heard the door click you were out of bed.

You realized the uniform was specifically for training. And it was all black. A black sports bra, with a black, red, and white logo on it you recognized as the other badge that Jesse had flashed when you met; the Blackwatch logo. Black running pants with the same logo on it, with loops for the belt that was sitting atop them, and a brand new pair of black trainers. You dressed quickly, clipped the water bottle onto your belt comfortably, and grabbed the food he’d left. As you made it to the door, it slid open and you stumbled back to keep from running directly into your commander’s chest. He looked down at you as you regained your balance.

“I’m impressed. Try to be faster next time.” He barked, and turned away. You rolled your eyes behind his back, scarfing down the food and tossing the wrappers in a nearby can, as he started walking away. You jogged a bit to catch up.

“So what’s on the agenda today?” You asked; your voice showed hesitance, even though your nerves from yesterday had eased. You weren’t sure they’d stay that way, but for now you were still tired, disoriented, and just out of it enough that the fear hadn’t settled back in yet.

“Typically, we’d be going to see the medic for a physical, but she’s out for a couple weeks on another assignment and quite frankly I won’t burden you with Blackwatch’s medic right away. We have your medical records and the your annual physical from a few weeks ago, so it’ll have to do until she’s back. So…” He stopped, turning his head and smirking faintly when you stumbled into him due to the sudden stop and quickly got to his side instead, and pointed out. “We train.” 

You realized then that you still didn’t actually know where you were, but it was beautiful. Around the base stretched clay-colored mountains in every direction, with winding roads and paths leading away from where you stood. They were currently dusted in the beginnings of predawn light, the mountain’s peaks covered by a misty fog. Commander Reyes pointed to one of the closer mountain bases and glanced towards you. “We’ll be going to the end of the trail and back. I’m setting pace. Every time I have to double back for you, you’re going to pay for it when we get back. So keep up.”

He lead you through the typical stretching exercises and for a few minutes, you felt like you were back in the army, except it was just you and your commander and not a group of other recruits who would look out for the people struggling. You had to try not to think about that. He wasn’t gentle with your start, and as you made to catch up to him you realized this was going to hurt.

Now, you weren’t out of shape, not by a long shot. With some of the stories of military retirees and just how badly they slipped after their service days were over, you spent most of the time you weren’t working outside, running or swimming. Next to Reyes, you might as well have never stepped foot on a treadmill in your life, let alone run miles a day.

You  _ tried _ to keep up; you really did. But every time you got close to actually catching up, your body wouldn’t take the push and you fell back. He doubled back more often than you’d like, but each time he did, you were a good ten yards behind. By the time you reached the base of the mountain, you were dripping with sweat, your lungs burned and you felt like your legs were going to give out. You didn’t get a chance for a break.

By the time you made it back to base, your chest ached, and your stomach churned like you were about to get sick. You’d drained the water bottle now hanging uselessly empty on your belt, and your legs wouldn’t keep you up anymore. You fell to your knees, hands pressed to your thighs and bracing to keep from falling over completely, as you panted for breath and urged the fire in your chest to dim.

Heavy footfalls drew close and Gabriel stopped in front of you, his boots the first thing to enter your blurry field of vision, the toe of each nearly touching your knees. Your gaze slowly moved up, lethargic, over his thighs, up, up, and up til you could see his face, looking down at you with a cool expression and his lips pulled into a half smirk. This perspective gave you a punch to the gut and your breath - what little you’d gotten back - was stolen right back. His arms were crossed and he was far too close but you were too exhausted to lean back. 

After a moment of assessing you, he reached down, pulling his water bottle - which he hadn’t even touched - to offer it to you. His was attached to his belt by a retractable string that he didn’t remove. You didn’t even think about it as you grabbed it from his hand and tipped your head back, draining it in just a few seconds. You didn’t quite notice the look in his eye that disappeared a moment after you looked back to him.

“If this is what we’re working with,” He rumbled, laughing, and you felt the color rise in your cheeks as you knew where this was going. “This is going to be fun. I might just break you after all.” 

Did he have to say it that way? Especially standing with you sitting on your knees in front of him. You leaned back a little, your haunches to your heels, and let out a drawn out sigh. “Can I get up?” You snapped, your heart starting to hammer again. He didn’t move, just smirked at you and raised a brow.

“Can you?”

You didn’t even try to hide the exaggerated roll of your eyes this time, twisting your upper body away from him and landing on your hands, using them to push yourself up while avoiding sending your shoulder straight into his groin. Your legs were still weak, and you wobbled a little when you turned to look at him. He still hadn’t moved, your elbow brushing his abdomen when you moved, and you had to bend your neck up to meet his gaze. His eyes had darkened again.

“If I want to see your eyes roll, recruit, be assured I’ll give them a good reason. Watch your attitude with me.” He murmured, his voice lower and rougher than before. You felt a shudder work its way up your back and you stiffened to keep it hidden. You couldn’t hide the way your skin reddened.

“Sir, yes, sir.” You replied shortly, tempted to back down first, but your bullheaded tendencies kept you standing there, with him looming close over you, your eyes looking back to his, the defiance in them a cover for the anxiety that had bubbled back up. He smirked slowly as he met your challenge, and with each passing second your heart started to beat a little harder and you felt a shiver working its way through you. Finally, you broke, stepping back and averting your gaze, and you heard him hum faintly.

“Drop. Start with fifty. You’ll finish when I’m satisfied.” You glanced at him, a little incredulous, and he grinned. “I did tell you you’d pay for each time I had to double back for you, recruit, now drop.” You bit back the grumble you wanted to give, and obeyed. He stood above you and counted each push up. By the time he was happy with the number, your arms felt like they’d fall out of the sockets. Maybe you should’ve kept up with strength training too. He repeated the order with sit ups, kneeling with his knees on your shoes to keep them down. 

You were certain he was going to kill you by the end of this training program. 

After he’d led you through a series of other exercises and another stretching routine, he led you into the arena that his office overlooked. Inside, you spotted Genji and McCree sitting on a small grouping of bleachers, and as Gabriel had started in their direction you veered that way as well. They’d been talking, but as his heavy footsteps grew closer they silenced and looked up. McCree’s eyes passed over the commander and found you. 

“You look like hell.” You could only guess how bad that was. Your hair was frizzed in its ponytail, you were dripping with sweat and you could barely step without wincing when your calves protested. You just glared at him as you sat heavily on the bench a few down from him. 

“Bite me.”

“If you insist,” He drawled, and leaned over your shoulder. Before he could try, you turned quickly and shoved his chest, hard. He fell back onto the bleachers and let out a bellowed laugh, straightening out and slipping down a bit. You glanced and saw Genji’s eyes on you, but he turned away quickly when he noticed your gaze.

“Seriously though, you okay? You look like you’re about to fall over.” You looked back at McCree and grunted, shrugging one shoulder.

“I mean I feel like I’m gonna fall  _ apart. _ ” You groaned, rolling your shoulders. Your abdomen felt like every muscle was a rubber band about two seconds from snapping. You heard Gabriel snort and you turned your eyes, scowling, only to be met with a paper package nearly smacking you in the face. You jolted back and quickly caught it, Gabriel laughing.

“Looks like we need to work on reflexes too. Eat up, we’re not done yet.” You didn’t even realize it had been so long since you’d woken up, but you were starving. You pulled out the lunch offered, which was the expectedly-unimpressive selection of a cold cut sandwich, a small selection of fruits and two more water bottles. One which you downed quickly, the other you set aside to sip on as you ate.

You spent the next half an hour chatting with McCree as you ate, Genji occasionally giving a comment or asking a question. You were surprised to find that Genji was a particularly curious man, questioning you on where you were from and what kind of things you’ve done.

“You mean you haven’t seen my file?” You asked when he asked the first, and he shook his head. 

“Not many people here have,” McCree piped in. “Jus’ Reyes, Morrison, Captain Amari, Dr. Zeigler, and Winston.” 

“Who even  _ is _ Winston?” Of course you knew Jack, and Captain Amari sounded familiar. You suspected that Dr. Zeigler was the medic Reyes had said was on a mission. But this was the second time you’d heard Winston and not been explained who he was, or why he was so important.

“He’s a tech specialist and a scientist,” McCree answered, but as he had a glimmer of mischief in his eye you weren’t sure you believed him. Or he wasn’t telling you anything. You looked at Genji questioningly and he nodded once. Unbeknownst to you he was smirking behind his mask.

“You’ll meet him soon enough,” Reyes, who had gone up to his office to take his own lunch, startled you out of the comfortable lull you’d fallen into talking with your new teammates. You turned to look at him and he was walking closer, wrapping his hands tightly. Your stomach dropped. He wasn’t really expecting you to spar after what he’d already put you through today, was he?

He dropped two more handwraps into your lap as he got to you. Yes, yes he was. “Lets go, princess, let’s see where your ‘close-quarter combat’ training gets you.” He barked, stepping away. You looked at McCree, your eyes pleading, but he shook his head and sat back on the bench he was sitting on, elbows on the one behind him and grinning. He looked forward to this. You scowled at him, then swallowed hard.

Wrapping your hands similarly, you stood up, ignoring the way your thigh trembled on your first step. You were going to be in pain tomorrow. You joined your commander in the middle of arena, standing across from him with a low sigh. He fell into stance and you mirrored him, ignoring your hammering heart and the ache in every muscle of your body.

You never took the first swing, even if you were the aggressor in a fight, and this was no difference. You watched the way he moved, keeping a sharp eye for each maneuver. The two of you went back and forth, lunging but not swinging, stepping back, teasing the other with threats but not following through. You  _ thought _ you had a good bead on how he was doing this. 

You weren’t sure if he’d grown impatient with the game, if he realized that you weren’t going to give the first hit, or if this was just how he normally was. One of his lunges followed with a jab that you blocked, grunting, and suddenly the floodgates opened. You aimed shots at his abdomen and chest, his sides, and he blocked them all, matching your pace. You were a little surprised  _ you _ were keeping pace with  _ him, _ if you were being honest with yourself. Blocking swings to your stomach and sides, dodging a few towards your shoulder. 

You  _ thought _ you had his style down, but whether your reaction times were slowed from exhaustion or it was just superior training, he proved you sorely wrong. Blocking a blow to your shoulder, you left yourself open for a left swing to the ribs, which knocked your breath out of you. He used the moment you doubled over and gasped for breath to swing his leg around and knock both of yours out from under you, sending you sprawling on your back.

“Fuck,” you grunted, eyes stinging as the impact sent pain through your body, and found his foot resting on your abdomen, though he put no pressure down. 

“Reaction times need work. Seems like bar brawls don’t give you much when it comes to a real fight.” He rumbled, and it seemed to vibrate through his whole being, and in turn you. You just groaned in response, and he removed his boot, holding out a hand to pull you back to your feet. “Jesse, get over here.” 

The cowboy jumped off the bleachers to join you, and you spent the next few hours with Gabriel’s hands guiding your stances, giving you points to keep a better eye on your opponent, and to find better weak spots or open areas.

By the end of the evening you felt like your whole body was bruised, but at least McCree didn’t go all out on you. In the dining hall later that evening, you thanked him for that, and he arched a brow with a laugh.

“Sure, but d’you think Reyes was going all out?” You stared at him for a moment, and he laughed, his expression sympathetic. “Oh, you poor girl.” 

You grimaced. So hell had just begun.

The two weeks that followed repeated, and Reyes gave you no slack. Each day started the same, with your commander waking you with a time limit to be out of your room, a run to the mountain and back, strength training and hand to hand combat training. Some days, Genji and McCree would spectate again and offer a different opponent - you weren’t a fan of fighting Genji, as his mechanical body soon enough left your knuckles bruised and aching - others it was just you and Gabriel. You hurt worse those days.

Still, by the end of your first two weeks you found that the intensity helped. You were doing better at keeping pace on your runs - though each day he upped the pace a little, and you soon realized he’d been going incredibly easy on you compared to what he could do. The strength training became easier and easier. And you were even doing better at predicting his moves while you sparred.

What you struggled with most by this time was the urges that pulled at you. Particularly the ones that urged you to punch him with each little comment and snide remark he’d make. You had to remind yourself this is what Jesse had warned you of. He wanted to get under your skin and piss you off, just to see if you’d stay in line and focus on training. You tried.

By the end of the two week mark, you failed. You were in the training arena, sparring with Jesse, Reyes standing nearby offering advice, commenting on your stance, even praising if you got a good hit in. But you lost focus, and Jesse’s knuckles brushed your jaw - the swing drastically slowed when he realized you weren’t going to block it in time - and you stumbled back. Gabriel gave a frustrated sigh.

“Damnit,” The way he said your name made you bristle, like he was speaking to a child. “We’ve been over this, you can’t drop your eyes. You’d be floored if Jesse wasn’t a nice guy, for fuck’s sake, and dead if we were on the field. Do you want to extend this training? You wanna go eight weeks? Twelve?” He barked, his voice snide and annoyed. Jesse saw the look in your eyes, and said your name softly, his tone an obvious attempt at defusion.

“Shut. The fuck.  _ Up.  _ Already!”

“Oh shit.” Jesse stumbled back as you turned and swung, putting all your body weight into it. Reyes had been standing close enough. Your fist connected with his jaw and he grunted, but considering how much force you put behind it you were surprised he barely jolted back. His eyes alight, he didn’t give you a chance to backpedal. 

Genji jumped down from his perch, but Jesse put out a hand to stop him from interfering. Better that the two of you get this out than not.

You darted backwards when he gave a wide swing, falling back on your heels and raising your hands into stance, ready to block, your eyes wide at what you’d just done. But there was no chance to try and make it right. He was far more aggressive than when you sparred, and you knew immediately when he swung back that you were going to have to go all out here to avoid a real beating.

You dodged and dipped and blocked, grunting when his knuckles made contact with your arms or shoulders as you worked to protect your vulnerable areas. You’d made a lot of progress, however, and he’d probably be proud of you if he wasn’t absolutely, irrevocably furious at the moment. His fist met your stomach and you grunted loudly, grabbing onto his arm and using it as leverage to swing yourself around to dig your heel hard into his side. It was enough to stall him and you skidded away, turning back and settling back into your stance.

“C-Commander, I- oh fuck--” He aimed for your head and you ducked, taking a swing at his stomach and connecting hard, pleased to hear the breath leave him for a moment. But even with your success, he seemed ultimately unphased. He brought his knee up fast and knocked your breath out of you in turn, sending you sprawling. 

He was on top of you in a split second, his knee digging into your sternum, one hand pinning your right hand above your head, the other a fist as he pressed his arm to your throat, his elbow pinning your other hand down as well. His eyes were alight with fury and he was breathing hard, lips pulled into a faint snarl. “If you  _ ever _ pull a stunt like that again, recruit…” He growled, and you couldn’t stop yourself from whimpering softly. Each place he had pressure down hurt and you had a feeling you’d be bruised from that if not his blows. 

You were also going to pretend the warmth bubbling just under your skin was adrenaline, and nothing else.

“S-sir, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have-- my temper just--”

“I don’t want excuses,” He snapped, and again you shuddered a little, looking away. He pressed his forearm tighter to your throat, making you gasp and forcing your eyes back to his. “Know your fucking place, do you understand me?”

“I think,” Spoke a feminine voice before you could reply, lilted with a German accent. “That training is complete for today, if you don’t mind, Commander Reyes.”

Gabriel looked up slowly, his chest still heaving and his body still pinning you to the ground. You tilted your head back a little bit to see a tall, stern looking, absolutely  _ gorgeous _ blond woman striding towards the two of you. He grunted, using the knee on the ground to push himself to his feet and step back, dragging you up by the collar as he did so. You found your feet, but before you could step back, calloused fingers were at your throat, his thumb pushing your jaw up so you looked at his eyes. 

“You and I are having a discussion on subordinance when she’s through with you.” He growled, softly, almost too low to be heard by anyone else, and your eyes widened and you swallowed down another whimper. 

“Gabriel!” Snapped the blond, clicking her tongue disapprovingly. He released you, stepping back and turning away. You swallowed hard, staring for a moment at his back; his shoulders were tense and he was still breathing hard. A slender hand rested on your shoulder and you turned your attention to the blond. 

“My name is Angela Zeigler,” she mused with a smile, stepping back a little and motioning to the door of the arena. 

“And I believe you are about two weeks late for your physical. I do apologize for that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> May or may not have to change the rating next chapter.  
> Piece of advice: Don't punch super soldiers in the face.


	4. Blackwatch Days (Part 4) Subordinance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoo boy, okay, so this chapter is Super long. Sorry about that.  
> Porn near the end, fair warning.

Angela led you away from the training arena in relative silence, and you could hear Gabriel and Jesse’s muffled voices for a short while before they too faded away. Once you were far enough away from the arena, she slowed her stride a little so she could look at you, and you fell into pace with her.

“May I ask what happened in there?” She questioned, and you paled a little, clearing your throat. It was probably best to be blunt here, and take responsibility for your stupidity. 

“I uh…” You shifted, rubbing the back of your neck absently. “I punch him in the face.”

Angela stopped in her tracks and you skidded a bit, turning to look at her. Her expression was disbelieving, “You punched him in the face?” She repeated back to you, and you nodded, looking down in shame. She was silent only a moment. “You… you punched...a super soldier...in the face.” 

“...Super soldier?” You looked up at her, and she had her face in her hands, groaning softly. Well, it would explain why he was able to do runs at a pace that nearly killed you while barely breaking a sweat. You went from pale to a deep, hot red. “Holy shit I’m an idiot.”

“Yes,” Angela replied, and you were relieved there was a note of amusement in her voice. “Yes you are. And a brave one. I do not envy you, but you are certainly blackwatch material.” She sighed, shook her head a little, and started walking again. 

“In my defense, I didn’t know.” You mumbled, and she looked at you with a raised brow.

“Would you have hit him if you did?”

“...With the way he was being, probably.” She laughed at that, and you smiled. You found yourself feeling far more comfortable than you had since the day you met Jesse. She radiated a very calming sort of energy that made your anxieties melt away, even if in the back of your mind you knew you were facing hell far worse than the last two weeks when you got done here. 

“He’s a short tempered man,” Angela began, as if she could tell what was lingering in your mind. “But I suspect he will be impressed with your courage; and if you are as good as your record shows with your work, then one slip won’t be worth letting you go.” You’d forgotten that she had seen your files before. You almost felt shameful, that she knew the terrible things you’d done, when she gave off such a  _ good _ aura.

She led you into what you realized was a very extensive medbay, and into her office. On one end of the room was a very meticulously kept desk, files upon files sitting behind it, and a comfortable chair in front of it. On the other end was the table you were going to be getting to know very soon. 

“Have a seat,” She motioned to the plush chair before her desk, taking a seat in her office chair and crossing her legs delicately. “From what I have here,” She motioned to a medical chart sitting open on her desk, “You’ve taken very good care of yourself, something I don’t often see with retirees, even ones as young as you. This is good. And you take no medications, but you  _ do _ have an IUD, is that correct?”

“Yes, ma’am,” You replied, settling back in the chair and folding your hands in your lap. You would’ve sat a little bit more properly, but your abdomen ached fiercely and you didn’t think your legs would thank you for crossing them at the moment. She nodded, murmuring something in German as she wrote on the chart. For a doctor, you noted, she had very nice handwriting, flowy but easily readable.

“Now, your annual physical was only a month ago, but unfortunately I must take my own data down for our systems; They believe it’s best I keep on-hands track of the field agents. I’m just going to go through and ask you some questions, and then we’ll get moving, hm?” She glanced up, and you smiled wryly at her.

“By all means, take as long as you possibly can,” You tried to make it sound like a joke, but she gave you a sympathetic smile all the same. She went through typical questions: frequency of smoking, drinking, what kind of activity you kept each day, your sexual activity - though she laughed when she asked this, both of you knowing you didn’t have time for that - and any allergies you may have, the only of which was a mild pollen allergy that you didn’t suspect would be an issue on a base that was surrounded by little more than sparse vegetation. 

Finally, as she scribbled down the last of her notes on your questioning, she stood up and you followed. “I do hope you aren’t uncomfortable with the request,” She started, glancing to you. “But considering your fight with Commander Reyes and knowing how his training regimes can be normally, I have to ask that you strip down to your underwear; I need to note any bruising and make sure there isn’t any serious damage.” 

Biting your lip, you laughed just a little uncomfortably, but nodded. You moved towards the table and carefully slipped off the tank top you’d decided to wear after a short while of training. Stepping out of your shoes, you slipped your pants down as well, and when you turned back to face Angela, she let out a disapproving  _ tch _ and grimaced. Prompted, you looked down and let out a quiet exclamation. 

Your lower chest and abdomen bloomed with a dark bruise, and you had a few along your ribs and your legs as well; the latter, you suspected, were from your own maneuvers during the fight. She stepped forward, slender, gentle fingers prodding the largest bruise. You flinched away from the touch, and she frowned slightly, shaking her head and tutting softly.

“Maybe next time, don’t let your temper out on one of the strongest men in this compound.” She murmured softly, stepping away. “I cannot take the bruising away, but this should speed the healing a bit and ease the pain.” She walked to one of the larger cabinets and from it, retrieved a staff almost as tall as she was. The end of it looked like a syringe almost the size of your middle finger, and you reeled back when she stepped closer. She laughed softly and tapped the end of the staff on the ground, and from it emitted a soft golden beam, engulfing you in a soothing light. The bizarre feeling made you shiver at first, but you could feel the ache in your abdomen soothing, and when you looked back down, the bruise had paled, if only slightly. 

“I can’t say that this exam is going to be comfortable,” She continued, tapping the staff again to shut it off and putting it back in the cabinet; you caught sight of a uniform unlike what she was currently wearing, but before your curiosity could be sated she’d shut it back again. “Those bruises are going to make palpating rather unpleasant, but I will do my best not to cause you too much pain. Have a seat.” 

You pulled yourself up onto the table to settle in for what you were used to, but before Angela could make it to you there was a knock on the door. “Morrison,” Barked a familiar voice, and Angela stood between you and the door to mostly block you as she bid him entrance. 

“I am busy, Jack, is there something I can do for you?” Angela spoke sternly, and you noted that he was half-smirking. 

“I wanted to have a word with the recruit before she had to go back to the dogs.” He mused, glancing over her shoulder at you. She stepped back into his field of view with a pointed glare. “And I wanted to see the damage.”

“Damage?”

“I spoke to McCree.” He said it as if that was all he needed to, and it was, as Angela turned back to you with a roll of her eyes.

“Are you comfortable with that, liebling?” You shifted, bit your lip, then nodded with a heavy sigh. Even so, she slipped her white coat off and set it in your lap to cover your lower body, and you gave her a thankful smile before she stepped away. Jack was dressed more casually than when you’d met - which, briefly, made you realize you hadn’t seen Gabriel out of his chosen uniform. He stepped forward, and you leaned back a little so he could see the large purple bruise across your sternum.

He hissed through his teeth and glanced up at your face with a look of sympathy in his eyes. You almost felt uncomfortable with how easy he seemed to be acting, far different than the commander you’d met your first day. You supposed he wasn’t always on the clock that way, but it was odd all the same.

“I’ll hazard a guess that you don’t have the best of tempers, hm?” He mused, leaning his hip against the table and gazing down at you. He kept his eyes on yours respectfully, you noticed, a fact you were appreciative of. You didn’t know  _ him, _ but you’d been around enough military men to know they tended not to show the same respects. You bit your lip and sighed.

“Yeah, not really. I mean, Jesse warned me Commander Reyes would probably try to piss me off, and I was doing well, but… I can only handle so much.” You looked down at your hands, which were fidgeting with Angela’s coat anxiously. You heard Jack sigh, but swore there was a laugh behind it.

“And I handed you over to one of the worst tempers on base. Suppose I should apologise for that. But I spoke to him before I came over, and while he’s still furiously pissed, he said he was impressed with your gall. And that you’d made good progress since your first spar. So don’t worry too much, alright? He needs you, even if you two get on each other’s nerves. He also won’t let a punch to the face hurt his ego too much.” You blushed slightly, and looked up to see he was grinning at you. He clapped your shoulder gently. “I think you’ll fit in fine, but if you need someone to make him ease up a little, come find me. Or Angela. She’s probably the only other person on base that can scold him into silence.”

Remembering how quickly he’d released you when he appeared, you couldn’t help but think that Jack was probably right. You sighed a little bit and nodded. “Commander?” You piped up after a moment, when he’d turned to take his leave. He looked over his shoulder at you with an arched brow. “D’you think he’d kill me if it happened again?” You were grinning now; you weren’t stupid enough to plan it, and you were definitely going to double your efforts not to. For the most part, you meant it as a joke.

His grin was mischievous. “Just make sure you have someone around to jump in before that happens.” He teased, and stepped outside. Angela tutted again and returned to you, shaking her head but not making a comment on your question. 

The rest of your time in her office was uneventful, as she took your heart rate, checked your breathing, palpated to check for any internal damage of which she found none, and finished all the other odds and ends. By the time you’d redressed and stepped out of her office, you felt entirely at ease and comfortable, and the ache in your body had faded nearly entirely.

An unfamiliar voice called your name, and when you looked up, it was all you could do not to blurt out ‘what the fuck?’ as you noticed a massive, uniformed gorilla hobbling down the hallway towards you, a box in one of his large hands. You blinked a few times, as if to make  _ sure _ you were seeing what you thought you were, and the gorilla smiled warmly at you.

“My name is Winston, and I wanted to return the rest of your things to you. I’m sorry it took so long to get everything, but I’m a bit of a perfectionist and wanted to make sure everything was pristine. And I got curious.” You were still staring when he handed you the box, but you took it all the same.

“U-uhm, thank you. I’m sorry, I’ve… uh, I’ve never…”

“Seen a talking gorilla?” He laughed, and you nodded sheepishly. “I get that a lot. It is a long story I may share sometime, if you’re so inclined. I do believe I’ll have you for a short time your final weeks of training, so that we can see your skills in action.” He tilted his head, and you mirrored him, shrugging a bit.

“I uh, I wouldn’t know. Commander Reyes hasn’t exactly given me a schedule ahead of time, he just kind throws me headlong into it all.” Winston chuckled softly and nodded, and you sensed some tenseness there. 

“That sounds like him. Well, I’ll let you go, but first, uhm,” He reached into the box in your arms and pulled out a small device; one you recognized as an unfinished project. “What  _ is _ this?” You smiled faintly.

“It’s a cloaking device. Or, well, it will be, when I have time to finish it. I lifted it off a company in Brazil in its very, very, very early stages. If it reaches the potential I want it to, it’ll be good for covert missions. In theory, it’s terrible in open spaces, but if the person using it keeps to the shadows, they nearly disappear. It’d take some very sharp eyes to find them in the dark.” Winston’s eyes lit up slightly in understanding and he smiled.

“Perhaps we can collaborate,” He offered, as he set it gently back into the box. “Two intelligent minds are always better than one.” You smiled warmly at him, a little surprised, but nodded faintly.

“Maybe we could, provided Reyes doesn’t kill me before training’s over. ...Speaking of the commander, I should get these back to my room before he asks after me.” Your face fell a little, and as though he could sense the unease, the gorilla gave you a sympathetic look. 

“I’m sure you’ll make it through,” He patted your shoulder gently - nearly sending you stumbling despite that - and let you go on your way, start back down the hall he’d come from. You made your way back through the base and, once you’d found a familiar place, back to your room. Thankfully you saw no sign of Gabriel on the way there, stepping into your room and letting it close behind you. You moved to set the last of your boxes on the dresser, thankful you could now start sorting your room, when someone spoke.

“You are out of your goddamn mind,” You jumped, both hand clamping over your mouth to stifle the small shriek that escaped, and spun around to glare at McCree, who was leaning on your desk with his arms crossed, looking down at you disapprovingly. “What the hell were you thinking?”

“I wasn’t, okay?” You snapped quickly, turning away from him. “I get it, I fucked up, I punched fucking Superman in the face,  _ I get it. _ Can you  _ not _ give me a fucking heart attack to go with that?” You started to haphazardly remove the electronics from your boxes, setting them into careful piles so you could sort them all out later.

“I wouldn’t go with Superman, but fair enough.” He sighed and pushed off the desk to move closer. He grabbed your wrist gently when you went to pull more things out of your boxes, and pulled you away from them. “How bad was it?”

“How bad was what?” You snapped, pulling your wrist back and looking down, rubbing it anxiously. He sighed and motioned to your midsection, and you grumbled faintly, pulling your shirt up just enough for him to see the bruise.

“Fuckin’ hell,” he hissed, reaching out first to touch the bruise absently, but then to put his hand on your waist when you flinched away from that. “I thought I told you to come to me if you needed tension release, not punch our commander in the face.” He was trying to tease you, but he was in your space again and this time you put your hand on his chest. You really hated how your heart always decided to flutter out of control when these guys did this.

“Really, Jesse? Look, I didn’t even realize I was that on edge, okay? He just…” You sighed, your hand just resting on his chest as if you no longer had the energy to push him away. His other hand found your waist and he looked down at you, brow raised, to prompt you to continue.

“He talks to me like I’m a child half the time, and the other half I’m not even sure how I’m supposed to take his actions,” The image kneeling in front of him and staring up at his smirking face briefly flitted through your mind. “And the princess shit--”

“Don’t take that personally,” He laughed, squeezing your waist gently. You weren’t sure  _ how _ you felt about him acting so familiar, even if you’d become pretty good friends over the last couple of weeks. “He did it to me while I was in training too. Think it’s just his thing.” You frowned; that didn’t make it any less annoying, but somehow at least it felt a little less condescending.

“I just snapped, I didn’t know I was going to. He drives me fucking crazy.” You sighed, not bothering to pull away for now. In truth, it was easing some of the anxiety that had come back. He sighed softly.

“I did warn you he would.” You gave him a look and rested your forehead to his shoulder for a moment with a groan. You lapsed into silence for just a few moments, before, perhaps in an attempt to lighten the mood a little, Jesse spoke up.

“So, you like it rough, huh?”

You jerked back to look up at him, scowling. “Excuse me?” You willed yourself not to blush, but you could feel the red heat creeping up your neck all the same. You did push him away now, but rather than let you, he pulled you closer.

“Let’s be honest. I know fear, and both times he had you by the throat, that wasn’t the only thing in your eyes.” You gave an indignant noise and pushed again, and his fingers playfully dug into your sides, pulling a squeal from your chest as he started to tickle you. “You’ve got the hots for him, don’t you?”

“Jesse!” You shrieked, trying to pull away. He was relentless and followed your path, and you felt yourself tumble back onto your bed. “Sh-shut up! A-and  _ stop!”  _ He laughed as your voice hitched higher, looming over you and using his body to pin you down while he kept tickling you.

“Admit it, darlin,” He teased; you weren’t sure if he actually thought that, but you couldn’t focus on his face long enough to read him. You started to thrash, shoving your hands at his chest, but even with your strength training the tickling kept you too unbalanced to push him off. 

“Jesse, please,” You whimpered, trying to squirm away desperately, but he didn’t relent for a good few moments. When he did, he snatched your wrists and gently pinned them to either side of your head so you couldn’t slap him once you caught your breath. He leaned over you, grinning, his hat having fallen to his side and his hair a mess in his face.

“You’re an asshole, Jesse McCree.” You huffed out, and he smiled even wider.

“And you’re cute when you’re flustered.” He leaned down slowly, and you suddenly realized your heart was going to beat right out of your chest. But you didn’t tell him to stop as he leaned closer, his intent clear, his eyes flickering over your face to search for a sign of unwillingness. His lips touched yours, and you let your eyes flutter shut as he stole your breath, leaning into the kiss a bit. 

There was a sharp knock on your bedroom door, but before the two of you could separate, it slid open. Gabriel stood in the doorway, his eyes dark and impatience clear on his face. You saw something else flash in his eyes for a brief moment when he caught sight of you, but it was gone before you could really tell what it was. All the same the thumping in your chest was almost painful now.

“I told you to send her to my office, McCree, not seduce her.” He rumbled, and Jesse quickly got off of you, gently pulling you up before he released your hands. He snatched his hat off your bed, shoved it back onto his head, and shifted uncomfortably in place.

“Sorry, sir.” He muttered, and Gabriel gave him a look. Jesse glanced at you, mouthed ‘good luck’, and, when Gabriel stepped aside, slipped out of your room and took off. You stood in place, sure that he could  _ hear _ your heart thumping somewhere in your throat, and kept your eyes on his shoulder rather than his face. He let the silence stretch for a few moments, before he turned and motioned with one hand for you to step outside.

“My office, recruit.” He ordered, his voice not quite the bark it usually was, yet that did nothing to make you think this was going to be any less frightening than you’d already believed. In fact the tone sent your heart skittering away again as you slipped out past him, and your door closed behind you.

You didn’t wait for him, and you didn’t think he wanted you to. You simply marched through the base, listening to his heavy footfalls behind you and ignoring the curious looks that you were getting from some of the others. You suspected that  _ someone _ had passed on the fact you’d been so royally stupid, be it Morrison or Jesse, and it was probably spreading. You didn’t think Angela would, and Genji didn’t seem to really talk enough to care about that kind of gossip.

You passed the entrance to the training arena, turned up the stairs that led to the offices overlooking it, and stepped into his office, standing just inside the door as he followed you in. It closed behind him and he touched a button to bring the lights up. While you stood stiffly by the window, he moved to his desk, sitting back in his chair and resting his feet on the desk, crossed. He stared at you for a moment, a brow raised, then grunted.

“Sit.”

You pulled the chair in front of his desk back a little and sat, your back still stiff and your eyes on your hands. Still the silence stretched, as if he was waiting for you to say something, but you weren’t dumb enough to start rambling for no reason. After a while, he swung around, feet falling heavily to the floor, and back to face you, his elbows on the desk and hands clasped as he leaned in.

“D’you wanna tell me what the hell you were thinking?” He asked, and you glanced up. His eyes were still dark, and his expression held none of the residual amusement you’d seen in it for so long. It didn’t seem like his temper had quite faded away just yet. 

“I wasn’t,” You answered, your voice a little breathy and higher pitched than you wanted it to come out. You cleared your throat and rubbed the back of your neck, gritting your teeth as you tried to think of an explanation without blaming him. Even if you did think part of it was his fault. “I just… I lost my temper, and I shouldn’t have. I-I’m sorry, Commander.” 

“You did. But so did I.” It wasn’t an apology, nor did he accept yours, but at least it meant he did think he shouldn’t have gone after you as hard as he did. You bit your lip and shifted. He stood up, and you almost followed him up, but he walked briskly around his desk and placed both his hands on either side of the chair, trapping you in it and looming over you. “Doesn’t change the fact you had the balls to hit your commanding officer. You and I both know  _ you _ know damn well that’s grounds for a pretty severe punishment in the military.” 

You swallowed hard. He wasn’t wrong. It wasn’t necessarily court marshal severe, but if you’d have done it in the military you’d have been left with more than the bruises that you had. You’d seen a squadmate end up in just that situation when he’d wandered in drunk and ended up in a fight with one of the higher officers. You tried to regulate your breathing a little bit better.

“So what exactly made you think you’d get away with that?” You looked up at him and his eyes were glittering with a strange sort of fire, not entirely  _ unlike _ the anger that had been there when he’d swung full tilt at your head, but also not quite the same sort of fury. You pressed yourself back into your chair slightly.

“I-I don’t expect I will, sir.” You finally replied after trying to think of something more to say. There was a tension in the air, sparking around you. One that you’d felt a few other times during your training but just written off. He let you squirm for a moment as he stared down at you, before finally stepping back with a quiet grunt.

Reflexively, when you had space, you stood and stepped to the side so you had space behind you, and he rolled his eyes faintly. He said your name softly. “Sit back down.” You swallowed hard and shifted uncomfortably, but shook your head.

“I, uh, I think I’ll stand.” You said, voice cracking slightly, and when he glanced at you you saw he was smirking slightly. It didn’t settle the uneasiness that was stirring in your stomach.

“Fine.” He sat against his desk, crossing his feet in front of him and his arms over his chest. “For someone who just tried to kick the shit out of me a few hours ago, you’re quick to tremble when I get too close.” The amusement was finally back, but there was something in it. Intent. Mischief. A dark sort of something that stirred something else in your chest.

“Frankly, sir, I’m impulsive but I’m not stupid, and you’re damn near inhuman, considering you took at least a hundred pounds of force to the jaw and barely flinched. So yes, you unsettle me.” You replied, taking a breath to keep your voice even, meeting his eyes for a moment. “And I didn’t try to kick the shit out of you. I punched you in the face. And then defended myself.” 

He smirked faintly, and tipped his head. Something in his expression made you feel like he was gonna start poking at you again, and you steeled yourself. “How’s your hand?” You glanced down at it at the question and flexed. There was a purple bruise across it as well, but for the most part that was about it thanks to safety precautions you always took when it was time to spar. 

“What pushed you to do something so stupid?” He mused, and you looked up at him, setting your jaw a little. As long as there was space between you, you felt like you could keep your composure. And if he was going to ask these questions you’d answer honestly.

“You.” 

“Is that so?” 

“It is, sir.” You weren’t going to give him more. He arched a brow and stood, a low, chilling chuckle leaving his lips when you instinctively took a step away. 

“And what about me made you think it was a good idea to punch me?” He stepped around the chair, but you kept putting space between you as he tried to close it. 

“Sir, with all due respect, I don’t think you want me to say what I want to say in response to that.” You replied, and your voice wavered this time. He was still slowly walking closer to you, and he laughed softly.

“I did ask, recruit. Now answer. Because I can’t fathom what it would be. You were warned I wasn’t going to be your friend these next few weeks, did you think I was going to be nice and coddle you when you fucked up? You’re my subordinate, not some friend I’m helping out. Your failures are mine. Did you think I was gonna be soft on you when that’s the case?”

Frustration bubbled up in your blood and you kept your eyes down to avoid glaring at him. You clenched your fist, letting the ache of the bruise remind you that you’d already made enough of a big mistake today.

“No, sir, but I didn’t--” You started to answer, bit your tongue, and shook your head harshly. You were being backed into a corner, both physically and within the conversation, and you darted to try and slip past him to avoid at least one of those. You should’ve gone to his left rather than trying to slip between him and the window. His hand shot out and slammed against the glass of the window and you found your back against it, his body trapping yours.

“You didn’t what?” He prompted, looking down at you as you glared up at him weakly, gritting your teeth silently to keep yourself from shivering at the low growl in his tone. He slowly pressed his other hand to the other side of your head, caging you with his body and giving an expectant sound.

“I didn’t expect you to be an arrogant bully, either.” You finally spat, pressing yourself as close to the glass as you could and crossing your arms over your middle to put as much of a barrier up as you could. He smirked darkly and kept himself firmly in place.

“A bully, huh?” He laughed, and his voice was soft and gravely and shuddered through you. “And here I thought you were military, princess. You and I both know criticism isn’t bullying.” You shifted uncomfortably and hissed a little.

“No, but the military doesn’t fucking play games,” You snapped, gritting your teeth. “At least my section didn’t. They didn’t condescend like you were a fuckin’ child, they just told you you were an idiot and why and left it at that. And they sure as hell didn’t--” You bit your tongue again as you realized what you were about to say, and looked away sharply. 

“Now, now,” Gabriel chuckled faintly, and you felt him move just slightly closer. His breath washed warm over your shoulder and you sucked in a breath, squeezing your eyes shut for a moment. “You were speaking your mind so well, don’t stop now.” 

You should’ve kept your mouth shut. You shouldn’t have given him anything to work with. But you felt so incredibly vulnerable and helpless and the only way to protect yourself in the past when you only had words was to  _ use them. _ You didn’t realize you’d been holding your breath until you let it out in a huff and turned your eyes back to him, looking directly into dark, dangerous eyes that sent chills down to your very core.

“They didn’t act like they wanted to fuck me senseless one moment, and then treat me like a joke and a child the next.” You spit, and made the mistake of raising your hands to try and shove him back. He stepped forward instead and pinned your hands between you, one hand moving to your throat while the one between you and the door stayed planted firmly on the glass. Calloused fingers curled around your throat, his thumb on your jaw and keeping your head tilted up to hold your gaze.

“You really think I’m the only one?” He muttered. The amusement was still in his eyes but his smile had fallen; instead his expression was hard and calculating. You swallowed hard, feeling his fingers flex with the motion. He wasn’t putting any pressure down, only showing you that he was entirely in control in that moment, that he could if he wanted to. You could feel yourself shaking incessantly now.

“I-If you’re talking about Jesse--”

“No,” he cut you off sharply, and you saw that same flicker in his eyes as you had when he’d caught you. His fingers flexed, and your lips parted a little bit. He leaned just slightly closer. “The way you looked up at me on your knees… the way you lean into my touch when I’m guiding you… the way you whimpered underneath me… that wasn’t just fear. Can you tell me I’m the only one in this room that wants that?”

You weren’t sure what caught you most off guard. The fact that he’d straight up admitted the desire, or the fire it lit in your stomach when he did. You didn’t answer; you just stared up at him, lips parted and breath mingling with his. When you kept silent, he stepped closer, your hands still pinned to your chest, so you could feel more of him against you. His lips were barely a hair’s breadth from your own.

His hand on the window slid down and away from the glass, his hand loose on your throat, and he stared directly into your eyes. “This is your chance to walk out, recruit. No hard feelings. No consequences. Just the knowledge of what I want.”

You could move. Technically. You had the capability to slip out from beneath him and walk right out the door. You probably should have, you thought, but something kept you frozen there. Gazing right back into his eyes like a rabbit caught in a snake’s gaze. He waited one, two, three beats before his lips crushed to yours, his hand on your waist and pulling you into him, while his body pinned yours to the darkened window behind you. 

McCree’s kiss had been soft, hesitant, calculating. It had made your skin warm and you felt safe. Reyes’ was hard and hot and claiming, his fingers tightened slightly on your throat and every ounce of tension in him that had built over the last two weeks poured into it, stirring yours into a frenzy. Like he wanted nothing more than to devour you then and there. You whimpered against his mouth, your fingers twisting into his shirt, and let your lips part to his tongue as he claimed your mouth with no questions.

You felt his knee push yours apart slightly, a thick, muscular thigh pressing between yours and into your core. You whimpered again when he pressed you tighter to the window, using his height to lift you onto your toes and force your body more firmly onto his thigh. You squirmed, the pressure making it so you felt every pulse of blood as it rushed frantically through your body. 

He kissed you until you couldn’t breathe anymore, then pulled back, his own breaths ragged, lips finding your throat just above his fingers, teeth finding purchase and causing you to cry out. You tilted your head against the glass and writhed, grinding your hips into his leg; you could feel him hard against your thigh and you wanted to reach for him, but he kept you pinned so hard with his body it was a miracle you could move at all. 

He left a dark mark on your neck as you squirmed beneath him, let you roll your hips and grind into his thigh with a low, encouraging growl, but when you started to shake even more, the friction of your bodies moving so minutely but precisely making your vision swim, he pulled away suddenly, and you stumbled slightly, looking at him in confusion. 

“On your knees,” He ordered, and you didn’t even think of disobeying the order. You fell to your knees before him, your hands rubbing over your thighs, which still tingled with the pressure of his. He stepped closer, his boots knocking into your knees slightly, and you looked up at him, pupils blown wide and your chest heaving a little. He reached down, fingers digging into your hair for a moment and working the tie out of it so your ponytail fell loose. Then he tangled his fingers into your hair, his other hand sliding the zipper on his pants down. He tugged you a little bit closer, and you reached up, whimpering briefly, to free him from his pants and boxers. You made to unbutton the former, but he gave a tug to your hair. Not today. It was a little more difficult, but you pulled him free gently and felt your breath catch.

He wasn’t necessarily  _ unmanageable, _ but he was thick and long enough you weren’t sure you could take him all the way. Trembling fingers curled around the base of his cock, and you parted your lips, taking him into your mouth with a soft sound. You took him until you couldn’t anymore, your fingers curled around what wasn’t engulfed in the heat of your mouth, and started to bob your head. Guiding your movements with his hand, he let out a rumbling moan and clenched his jaw as he watched you move.

“That’s it,  _ muñeca _ ,” He purred, voice soft and rough. His hips rocked slightly, pushing into your mouth with your pace, and you rolled your eyes closed, mewling quietly at the feeling. You could feel him throbbing against your tongue, and you shifted yourself up just a little, so that you had a better angle and could take him a little deeper. This also gave him more room to grip into your hair, which made you shiver furiously.

You set your focus on working him over, eyes flickering up to his, eager to see his expression when he comes and to taste him. However, after a few moments, when you realized his breathing was ragged and telling, he tugged you off of his cock, leaving the head in your mouth long enough to feel him pulse as precum dripped onto your tongue.

“Not yet,” He muttered, and you whimpered. His fingers untangled from your hair and he reached down, his fingers on your jaw, and just the slight touch told you what he wanted, guiding you back to your feet. You felt another thrill as his fingers found your throat again and you whimpered, head tipped up to look at him. His other hand pressed to your hip a moment, and slid around to your stomach. You wanted to feel him touch you so desperately, but his fingers slid up, taking your shirt with it. 

Unfortunately his touch was firm, and when he found the bruise across your front you flinched away, gasping, and he froze for a moment. Slowly, he lifted your shirt up, looking down to see the damage he’d left behind. Gentler this time his fingers brushed over your skin and you shivered, but it didn’t hurt. He pulled his hand from your throat, lifting your shirt up and over. Your arms followed the motion to let him slip it off, keeping them there as he pulled your sports bra up as well. Once your upper body was bared, he pushed you gently back against the darkened window again, gripping your hips and pulling you up slightly. Your legs went around his waist, and you could feel him against your clothed ass, but he held you too tight to squirm.

His lips fell to your shoulder, kissing and nipping soft skin tanned from the relentless sun, trailing to your chest. You arched your back, biting your lip to stifle a noise when he took a nipple into his mouth, a hand tweaking, pinching, kneading the other breast with the movements of his tongue and teeth and lips. You started to squirm and whimper under his attention as he swapped hands, trying to press into him. The smirk against your skin made you shiver, and he shifted. You looked down when you felt him moving, and realized he was on his knees. He moved his arms under your legs and hoisted you up onto his shoulders, your own pressed into cool glass firmly. You gasped, your head falling back, and you felt far too dressed for this. He didn’t seem to intend to undress you fully, instead pulling your training pants and your underwear down, ducking his head and letting them settle behind it, before he dove in.

You jerked, your head hitting against the glass, and put a hand over your mouth to stifle your noise. His beard scraped your thigh a little, but you didn’t mind, and even if you did his tongue was wiping every complaint you could’ve had right out of your head. It danced, tracing nonsense letters over your core, his hand pressed to your pelvis and his thumb rubbing circles against your clit. Your hands curled around the back of his head, nails scraping against the base of his skull, and he reached up to pull off the beanie you’d yet to see him without, throwing it aside. Immediately your fingers buried into his soft hair, arching your back off the window desperately.

“C-Commander, fuck--” You felt him growl against you and pull your hips a little closer; it seemed he liked that. He doubled his efforts, but moved his mouth to your clit and slipped two fingers into you, curling to find your sweet spot. Your hips bucked  _ hard _ when he did, and you cried out softly, pulling at his hair while your thighs squeezed around his head. “Oh g-god, G-Gabriel-- C-Commander, I’m- m’unna--” 

“Go on,  _ muñeca, _ come for me,” He rumbled against you, looking up to meet your desperate eyes. You couldn’t hold his gaze long, as you tossed your head back against the window again and came hard, writhing against the glass while his fingers kept pumping into you, until you were whimpering and pleading and shaking so hard he had to pull his hand away and steady you with both. 

Gabriel gently maneuvered your feet back to the ground so he could stand back up, helping you straighten a little bit as well. His hands still gripping your hips, he spun you around, pressing your front against the glass and holding your hips back, his lips on your shoulder. This time, as your name fell from his lips it was rough and needy, and you felt his cock against your thighs as he pressed close. “Do you want me?” 

You nodded desperately, your cheek against dark glass, looking back at him as best you could and squirming. He bit down lightly on your shoulder and you twitched, whimpering softly. “Say it. Tell me what you want.” 

“I w-want… I want you to fuck me, Commander. Please, I need you so much…” His lips trailed to your neck, leaving open-mouthed kisses as he reached down to line himself up; he sank into you with a low growl and you keened, lifting onto your toes slightly as he buried as far as he could go.

Once he was inside you, he wasn’t slow and he wasn’t gentle. You didn’t want him to be. His thrusts were rough and fast and rocked your body into the window, glass cold on your skin. You bit your lip hard to stifle your cries, but when he noticed it, his teeth scraped your throat lightly. “Moan for me,” He demanded, fingers digging into your hips. “I want to hear you.” 

You choked out a low sound that pitched quickly into a desperate cry when his hand slipped around your front to find your clit again, rubbing in quick circles as his thrusts grew faster. Your hands slammed into the glass as you thrashed a bit, trying and failing to find purchase to grasp onto as your vision started to speckle with white flashes. 

You came again with his name tumbling from your lips in a desperate prayer and he pressed you hard into the glass, burying into you as he followed you over. He held still and close to you, growling against your shoulder as he spilled into you. His chest was heaving against you, the fabric of his shirt slick with sweat from the both of you. Somehow the absent realization he was mostly closed made you shiver pleasantly. It was kind of hot.

He slowly pulled you back from the window, his hands supporting you as he leaned himself back just a little. He pulled out of you carefully, reaching for his desk to grab a handful of tissues and cleaning you off gently, before pulling your underwear and pants back up. He released you then to clean himself off as well, and you turned to look up at him. You’d never seen him without his beanie on, and you knew this site would be burned into your mind for a long time to come. Hair a mess from your fingers, sweat glistening on what exposed skin he had, his hand moving over himself to clean off properly. It sent a jolt of heat to your already warm core.

He looked up to notice you watching him, and he smirked tucking himself away and stalking forward to catch you around the waist and kiss you hard again. You shuddered into it, and leaned into him a little bit, feeling warmth simmer just under your skin. His hand cupped your jaw, thumb brushing over your bottom lip. A sigh escaped him. “It’s getting late. You should probably get some sleep or you’re going to hate me again in the morning.” He murmured, and you frowned just a little bit, swallowing hard. Being suddenly dismissed, even if it was with a regretful tone, stung a little bit. But still, you quietly finished redressing, and then made your way to the door of his office.

You turned your head after a moment of hesitating to look at him, and gave a playful smile. “So, about that subordinance talk?” You mused, and he arched a brow from where he stood, laughing low in his throat. You liked that laugh, warm and gentle. He stepped closer, leaning over to kiss you one final time, murmuring against your lips.

“Go on, recruit. Go to bed, before we both regret this in the morning.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprisingly the porn was a small portion of the full chapter but Yknow.  
> Enjoy :l
> 
> Also note:  
> I headcanon that Gabe falls into using Spanish when he’s more out of it  
> muñeca = doll


	5. Blackwatch Days (Part 5) TIme Out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really glad you guys are enjoying this, and the comments are making my day <3  
> I hope this one doesn't disappoint...with regards to quality at least.  
>  ~~God knows I'm disappointed in Gabe.~~

If you didn’t regret it when you woke up, you certainly did by the time you were making your way to the training arena.

The day started as typical as any other. You woke to your commander standing in your room, looking down at you and giving you a time to be ready. But immediately you knew something was off. By the end of your morning run, his treatment was obvious.

He was civil, and he didn’t let up on your training, pushing you as hard as any other day, if not a little harder to further your progress. But he wasn’t teasing you, he wasn’t giving you the same snide remarks. He wasn’t trying to get under your skin, and you were surprised to find you hated it. He wasn’t just acting like nothing had happened; he was acting like you hadn’t spent nearly every waking moment of the past fourteen days in each other’s company bickering back and forth. As if he hadn’t taken advantage of every opportunity to make you uncomfortable or pissed off.

You stopped short in the empty hallway leading to the arena, crossing your arms and standing still until he noticed you weren’t with him anymore, turning to look at you with a raised brow. “Training’s not over yet,” He said shortly, and you leveled him with a glare.

“Are we going to talk about the fact that you’re acting like you haven’t spent the last two weeks trying to drive me entirely fucking crazy just because you…” You trailed off, swallowing the words that wanted to come forward. “Just because of last night? You’re acting like we’ve never spent more than ten minutes in the same room together.”

“Am I?” His cluelessness didn’t fool you at all, but he just rose a brow when your look darkened. “Just doing my job, recruit, and right now that’s to get you ready for your first mission in a few weeks. Lets go.” He jerked his hand towards the training arena, and you grit your teeth, just staring at him for a moment. He seemed entirely unphased by your irritation, and after a moment you burst into motion, pushing past him and walking briskly towards the door.

It wasn’t your first time around, and it certainly wasn’t the first time you’d slept with a coworker only to have them act like you were complete strangers the next day. It always stung, but you weren’t going to beg him for his attention, and you weren’t going to argue about how he’d taken a full 180 in his attitude just because you’d let him fuck you.

Inside the arena, you noticed that the far end had opened up into what looked like a shooting range, with stationary and moving target bots, as well as a set up of old-fashioned paper targets. There was a fence between the sparring area and the range, against which McCree leaned, his Peacekeeper sitting alongside a few small arms you recognized as your own designs on the flat top of the fence. 

“Afternoon, darlin’,” He drawled, though his smile faded when he noticed the look in your eyes. You tried to push it away a little too late, and he tilted his head, looking closer at you. His eyes lingered on the dark bruise on your neck and you cleared your throat to get his attention.

“Afternoon. What’s all this?” You motioned to the weapons and the range behind him. You could tell that the fence was set into the top of a wall, that could raise and had been lifted for the last two weeks to block the sparring area in.

“Your hand-to-hand training’s finished,” Reyes spoke up behind you, and you stiffened, refusing to look back at him. “Jesse’s taking over for afternoon marksman training. Expect a visit from Captain Amari a time or two to give her own pointers.” Your head turned, just slightly, so he could see your nod of acknowledgement. The tension coming off of you in waves was palpable, and Jesse cleared his throat softly. 

“I know you’re good with designs, but how about you show me how good you are with using what you make?” He motioned to the set up he’d brought out, and you stepped forward to see what he’d chosen for you. Your actual weapons designs tended to lean towards small arms, quickshot pistols or revolvers like Jesse’s. You made mods for rifles of various kinds as well, but you’d never felt super comfortable wielding them. 

You listened to Gabriel’s footfalls as he walked away to leave you to it, picking up one of the quickshots and turning it over in your hand. Jesse watched you quietly, arching a brow faintly. “Ever actually use one?” He asked, and you noted he seemed to be asking genuinely. You laughed faintly.

“Of course I have. I still had to be armed, even if I wasn’t directly involved in the battles. We both know they’ll eventually come after the minds behind everything.” He laughed, nodding in agreement, and stepped back a bit, settling behind you and pointing over your shoulders to the paper targets. 

“Let’s see how many shots you can get on the first three,” He prompted, before giving you a little room. For now he was just watching. You lifted your gun and aimed, taking a second before taking three shots each at the targets. Really, you were surprised they hit at all; none of them were great, on the very edges of the targets, but they still hit. Maybe irritation made you a little better at this stuff. Adrenaline certainly did.

“Not bad,” Jesse mused, and you felt him step closer. “But you’re not holding yourself right for that kinda shooting, here.” One hand on your hip, the other on your shoulders, he used his foot to nudge yours further apart, stabilizing your position slightly. You felt a little flash in your chest and for a brief moment felt warmth spread through you, but you were quick to push it down. You resisted the urge to look up at the glass where you knew Gabriel’s office was.

“There, now try those same shots.” He hadn’t moved away, but his hands were now both on your upper waist; as you took your shots, he lead your movements, and you found that they landed a lot closer to bullseye than before. Still not perfect, not by a long way, but you were surprised at how just a little bit of posture change could make your shots far more accurate. 

You spent the rest of the afternoon working on stationary shooting, greeting Genji as he’d wandered in to spectate near the end of the day. Jesse kept close to you and would correct your foot placement or your posture if you slipped off too far. As it got closer to the end of the day, he leaned in to your ear with a sigh.

“You’ve been stiff enough to snap all day, darlin’. Wanna talk about what happened?” He murmured so only you could hear, and you glanced sideways at him. Your eyes had darkened a little and you were surprised he didn’t step back as he had yesterday. 

“Nothing happened.” His brows shot up and nearly disappeared under his hat.

“Uh huh.” His fingers, which had been resting on your shoulder, reached up to brush your neck where you knew the mark Reyes had left was front and center. It didn’t hurt, but you shoved his hand away with your shoulder and growled faintly.

“ _ No. _ I don’t want to talk about anything. Hitting Reyes wasn’t the worst mistake I made yesterday, leave it at that.” You huffed. You’d certainly had time to begin resenting your commander. ‘Before both of us regret this in the morning.’ You almost scoffed at his voice in your head. He’d made sure you did.

“What I  _ do _ want,” You started quickly, setting your pistol down and turning to look up at him, not stepping away in the process. “Is to get out of this base for a little while. I’ve been cooped up here for two weeks now. Come with me?”

He raised a brow slightly. “Sure about that?” He asked, and you rolled your eyes slightly.

“I have to have an escort to leave, and no offense Genji,” You glanced towards the cyborg, who looked a little startled at being addressed. “But our cyborg friend here doesn’t strike me as the best drinking company.” You heard Genji snort, and Jesse’s lips turned up into a faint smirk.

“Fair enough. I’ll clear it with Reyes--”

“Do you have to clear it with anyone?” You cut him off, crossing your arms. “You’re an agent, and frankly I don’t want him involved.” 

Jesse sighed a little, as if he’d forgotten how stubborn you could be, and glanced upwards. You followed his gaze despite the voice in your head telling you not to, and saw that Gabriel stood at the window, watching you both. When he noticed your attention, he tipped his head briefly before turning away.

“Alright,” Jesse glanced at you and arched a brow. “You owe me a story.” 

“So do you,” You retorted, knowing he meant that you owed him if he joined you. But you weren’t going to spill that easily just because he was going to get drinks with you. Not after what  _ he’d _ done yesterday; you couldn’t imagine how awkward things would get if you admitted to what had happened. He looked confused, and your fingers tapped his forearm lightly. It was his turn for his eyes to go dark and you felt your heart jump a little, but didn’t back down. 

“...Fine. No story. Yet. I’ll go get a car signed out if you want to shower up and everything.” You perked up and grinned at him, impulsively leaning up to kiss his cheek.

“You’re an angel.” You slipped passed him to go towards the door, laughing as he called back. 

“That’s Angela.”

Well, he probably wasn’t wrong. You made your way out of the arena, and nearly slammed right into Jack Morrison. You jumped back last second with a curse and glanced up at him.

“Woops. Sorry, sir,” You laughed, and he seemed to notice the brightness in your eyes. He smiled faintly and raised a brow.

“In a hurry, soldier?” He asked as he stepped aside to let you out, and you shrugged your shoulders. 

“Going out.”

“Are you?” The tone of his voice made you sigh a little, if only a brief moment, and you flashed him a half-smile.

“Jesse and I are going to get drinks to celebrate finishing a course in my training.” It wasn’t why you were going out, but you weren’t going to tell him that you were going out to get drunk and destress after a day of resentment. He just needed to know you weren’t going without an escort, and you didn’t want to make it sound like a date. Jack chuckled softly and tipped his head.

“Have fun.” He walked into the arena, and you noticed he had a rifle hanging over his shoulder. It made you wonder if the shooting range had been completely closed off for the two weeks it’d been kept from you. You listened for a moment as he greeted your teammates, but when you heard new footsteps you quickly darted away.

After a quick, scalding shower, for the first time since you’d arrived you dressed in civilian clothes. It felt good to slip into a pair of jeans and a nicely fitted t-shirt rather than your training clothes. Just because you didn’t want to deal with Jesse continuing to point out the marks left on you, you added a thin scarf - it was too hot for anything heavy - wrapped a few times around your neck.

Grabbing your phone and wallet, you slipped back out of your room and, after a moment of thought, realized you didn’t know where you’d have to meet Jesse once he got the car. You hadn’t gotten the chance to explore very far out of where you’d been training. Luckily, you did have a number to contact him at, and sent him a quick text asking where he was. 

He replied that he’d come to pick you up at your room, and you leaned against the door to wait, your eyes focused on your phone. You’d been talking back and forth with some friends from your past, all of whom were curious about where you’d gone off to. You couldn’t tell them, of course; one of the agreements you’d made on paper was that you wouldn’t disclose your - and therefore the base’s - location unless approved beforehand. 

“Going somewhere?” Gabriel’s voice startled you enough that you almost dropped your phone, head snapping up to find him standing a few feet away. He was looking at you closely, and you realized he’d never seen you dressed up to go anywhere. You leveled him with what you hoped was cool indifference all the same.

“And if I am?”

“You know the rules.”

You looked away so he wouldn’t see you roll your eyes, wishing Jesse would hurry up and get here. “Good thing I’m not going alone.” You turned your eyes back to your phone, and after a moment of silence, listened as he continued down the hallway, headed you could only assume to his own room. A few moments later and you heard the telltale sound of stirrups, looking up to see Jesse striding down the hall towards you, from the direction Gabriel had left.

“All good?” He asked, while his eyes raked over you. You noted how his lip turned up a little in a smirk, eyes lingering on your hips briefly before slowly moving back to your own. “You look good.”

“Thank you.” You smiled sweetly, but kept your reaction controlled, still feeling tense and awkward about...well, everything. You  _ really _ needed a drink. “And I’m good to go.” Jesse offered you a hand with a playful bow, and you rolled your eyes with a smile as you took it. He led you back through the hallway, squeezing your fingers when you tensed a little with the anticipation of running into your commander again. 

Thankfully, you didn’t, and made it to the garage without incident. The car that Jesse had rented was a sleek, sports-car style vehicle, and you couldn’t help but laugh because of course he would. You let him open your door for you, slipping into the car as you felt a little simmer of excitement in your chest. You hadn’t realized how much you needed to get out and do something other than  _ work. _ Jesse made his way to the driver’s side and slipped in, turning on the radio before he pulled out, and sped down the empty road to civilization with a laugh. 

Jesse drove a little too fast and loose, but you couldn’t find it in yourself to complain when it thrilled you, smiling wide and laughing with him. He did slow it down once you merged onto a highway that would take you to town, smiling over at your beaming expression.

“Don’t think I’ve heard ya laugh like that since we met,” He teased, and you grinned a little as you settled into your seat a little further, hands crossed in your lap.

“I didn’t realize how much I needed to get the hell off base once and awhile.” You leaned your head to the side, letting your window down to get some fresh air over your face. He chuckled low and nodded.

“Honestly, I’d’ve asked ya along a while back but with as hard as Reyes was riding ya i didn’t think you’d want to be out on the town.” You tried not to grimace at his choice of words, laughing bitterly.

“Don’t blame you, I’m still a little surprised I’m able to move at all, considering how bad I hurt that first week.” You watched as the town came into view, the smell of the ocean washing over you.  You hadn’t realized you were so close to it. It sent a wave of calm through you.

“I think,” You started, sitting up a bit as he pulled into a parking spot outside of a crowded looking bar. “That I want to go to the beach someday soon.” He glanced sideways, undoing his seatbelt and smiling wide.

“I’ll take ya some time. Once yer healed.” You blinked at him briefly, before remembering that you currently sported a very obvious bruise over a good portion of your upper body that would take a lot to explain away to normal people. You laughed, nodding your head to concede. 

“Fair enough.”

The two of you slipped out of the car and you look a moment to look around; the streets were pretty crowded with a variety of people and you heard a few different languages alongside English, though you didn’t understand them. You jumped a little when you felt Jesse’s arm go around your back, hand on your hip, but you looked up at him with a laugh.

“Did you know I still don’t actually know where we are?” You spoke quietly, but still got some looks from closer passersby, though Jesse just laughed and leaned into your ear to speak.

“Gibraltar base, though I can’t say I know the name’a the town. I’m usually too tanked to remember by the time I leave.” You couldn’t help but laugh, and with a giddy skip in your step you made for the door with Jesse at your side. 

You were happy enough to let your irritation and anxieties slip away as you found a place at the bar with Jesse, ordered your drink and just let the music wash over you. You knew that it wouldn’t stay this way; either Gabriel’s attitude would just push you over the edge again or you’d end up talking it out, but you were going to take what enjoyment you could.

You were a few drinks in when Jesse’s hands slid over your waist again, and you looked back at him with a small, alcohol-dazed smile. Leaning into his chest a little bit, you let out a sigh of contentment. It felt good, warm from your drinks and enjoying the music thrumming through the bar. You couldn’t help but feel like someone was watching you every now and then, but you ignored it the best you could.

“Wanna dance?” You drawled, tipping your head back against his chest so you could look at him, his hair tickling your face slightly when he looked down in return. He laughed a little uncomfortably.

“I don’t...really...dance,” He replied sheepishly, but you rolled your eyes and gently peeled his hands off of you, spinning around in you chair so you could face him. Your knees brushed his hips on either side and you grinned. You weren’t  _ drunk _ yet, but you were buzzed enough that your inhibitions were shaky at best.

“Oh come on, it’s not that bad,” You slid off your chair, arms around his shoulders, and leaned up a little. “C’mon, dance with me, Jesse…” You slid your hand down his arm and moved passed him, taking his hand as you went. Begrudgingly, he followed you into the crowds of people. The music was the kind where the beat would thump through your entire body, and when you found a place on the floor, you turned back to McCree and slid your arms over his shoulders. 

You let the music guide you, moving with it fluidly, and with his hands on your hips he followed you as much as he could. You were willing to lose yourself in the warmth of his body and the way booze and music intermingled in your veins to make you feel like you were floating. 

That feeling was multiplied when Jesse looked down and without warning you felt his lips on yours. He tasted of whiskey and smoke, and the warmth of his mouth was scorching when you were already so hot. You leaned heavier into him, and his arms wrapped around your body securely to hold you to him. 

When you needed to breathe you pulled away, panting softly against his lips, and he smirked slightly, his eyes searching yours carefully. “Wanna head back?” He muttered, and you nodded without thinking. Your senses were just dulled enough that you didn’t register the warning in the back of your mind that that would be a bad idea.

You both stumbled out of the crowd, McCree giving the bartender a wave to indicate he’d return for his tab later. That he didn’t complain made you think that, at the very least, he’d come through enough time. You suspected this might be one place he definitely would. You stumbled to the car and slipped inside, Jesse following suit, and he wasted no time in pulling out of his parking spot. 

You heard a soft mechanical sound, and you noticed a light on the dash flicker; he leaned over and drew your attention into a kiss and for a moment your heart rocketed as you wanted to scold him to look at the road, but when the car didn’t so much as wobble you suspected there was a VI in control for the moment.

Still, you didn’t let him keep his eyes off the road for long, just to be safe, but rather than buckling in you scooted across the seat to press into his side, leaning up and peppering kisses over the scruff on his jaw. It seemed to take double the time to get back to base that it had to leave, and by the time the car pulled into the shadowed garage you were both impatient. 

Stumbling out of the car, you made your way inside quickly, with Jesse on your heels, his hands catching your hips when he caught up with you. You punched in the code for your room and pulled him inside, turning to pull his mouth to yours as soon as the door slid shut.

He backed you into the room, and you felt your thighs hit the edge of your desk before he lifted you onto it, planting himself between your legs and kissing you harder, hotter, his hand buried in your hair. It wasn’t until the other slid around the back of your neck, loosening the scarf still wrapping it, and you felt a little sting from the bruise there, that you were brought crashing right back down to earth.

You jerked back, pressing your forehead to his shoulder before he could chase you, panting for breath. “J-Jesse, fuck, I- I can’t…” It didn’t feel right. Not because you didn’t want to, and not because you felt any guilt for having slept with Gabriel, but because it scared you. You had one person already treating you entirely different because you’d apparently made the  _ mistake _ of jumping into bed with him. Figuratively. You actually felt that Jesse was a very good friend, and he’d been the one that, despite how rocky your meeting had been, had done all he could to ease your mind when things felt a little too much.

You heard him sigh heavily, his hand on the back of your head, and he held you to him. “...Is it him?” He asked, and you were surprised that you didn’t hear a note of jealousy as you’d sort of expected. You shook your head. 

“I don’t know what’s happening with him but that’s not it. I just… I can’t…” You knew Jesse wasn’t the kind of guy who would start treating you differently after a night together, but your anxiety never listened to logic in these situations. “I don’t want to lose a friend, when he’s… after he’s…” You didn’t know how to say it without just admitting everything that happened. Thankfully, Jesse seemed to understand.

He held you for a moment, and you had the feeling he was trying to calm himself as much as he was trying to comfort you. You felt his lips against your temple, and he sighed again before pulling away. You looked up at him; his pupils were still blown wide, and his face was set, but he still tried to give you a gentle smile. “I’ll be around,” He mused, leaning in and kissing you again softly, before he turned away. 

“Jesse,” You slipped off the desk as he walked to the door, and he turned to look at you with a raised brow. “Thank you...for tonight. N’m’sorry.” Your words slurred a little bit, but you managed to focus your eyes on his, and he smiled softly.

“Ya don’t owe me anythin’, darlin’. Not an apology, and definitely not that.” He stepped outside and let the door shut behind him, and you sagged onto your bed with a groan. Even with the anxiety that had rushed back in, heat still simmered just under the surface and with it was coming annoyance. 

You damned Gabriel for taking the road he was. And damned yourself for being so weak to these people. 

Still, angry as you were at him, your dreams were filled with his voice, and Jesse’s, and when that same voice woke you the next morning, you weren’t going to pretend there hadn't been severe temptations to keep him waiting.

 


	6. Blackwatch Days (Part 6) Shopping Trip

Those dreams were going to be the death of you, you decided, after three full weeks of suffering them.

Okay, maybe suffering was a bit of a strong word, but that night was going to haunt you for a very long time. And more than that, your subconscious wasn’t making it any better.

Some nights, it was a perfect recreation; you could hear his voice, feel and  _ taste _ Gabriel on your tongue by the time you woke. Others, it was Jesse who had you pinned to the window, his voice that growled in your ear. Others still they both starred, and truthfully those nights were the ones you wished would stop the most. 

Every morning, you woke up with your heart racing and a fire in your belly that you had no time to handle. And every morning you were reminded that it seemed to have no effect on your commander. He kept his distance, and eventually, it was enough to truly piss you off because what seemed to be worse than his constant prodding was the act of such dismissal. You wished that you were still sparring daily, because you’d give anything to have a go at him. 

At least you could say that your anger went to good work. You improved drastically when you focused your irritation into your training. Jesse was impressed as, again, by the end of the two-week mark of working with him, you’d improved enough to be passed for your first mission. You still weren’t sure what that was.

You also still hadn’t told Jesse what happened. He would ask, of course, even after the bruises all faded and the only evidence of that night was your memory. Each time you brushed him off. It didn’t matter, you insisted, especially when Reyes was more or less content to forget anything had ever happened. He didn’t push too hard, but you could tell it frustrated him that you wouldn’t open up to him. Despite the rocky start, and how short a time you’d spent here so far, he’d become easily your best friend on base. You got along fine with everyone else, but the only person you felt more comfortable around was Angela, and she was still just a little too intimidating for you to try and make friends with her.

You promised him, eventually, that you’d tell him. Sometimes, you wished you wouldn’t, because with a promise you did have to. Even if you didn’t give a date, someday you knew he’d want to cash in on that promise and you probably wouldn’t be able to deny him. Thankfully, for now, he didn’t get as much of a chance. You saw him at lunch and dinner, but with your marksman training finished, you’d been spending your afternoons for the last week with Winston.

There wasn’t so much  _ training _ to do with Winston as there was simple work. You worked on designs he thought you would do well with, you worked on your own projects you’d brought with you. Every couple of days, he’d take you to a simulation room and run through a few infiltration exercises. These, you did struggle with; it’d been so long since you’d messed with high-security systems that it took more time than you liked to get in and disable protocols. 

“I just need time,” You insisted when Winston pointed out that you had an issue one day. “These systems aren’t what I used to work with, I was used to, y’know, high profile companies or basic military operations, not international terrorist groups and their associates.” He laughed at that, as always understanding and sympathetic.

“You’re welcome to study them as much as you need; Talon changes their methods often enough, but there’s always a base outline to follow. They don’t expect us to get ahold of a decent information specialist.” You always felt a little gratified when he used the official title, even if you knew it really was just a glorified way of saying the truth.

“Once I have it down, I think it’ll be cake, but- look here,” You pointed on your screen and Winston leaned over your shoulder to see what you were indicating. “This is what throws me off, their circuits don’t run in a way that makes sense on the surface. Most of the people I’ve worked against wouldn’t be half smart enough to put this together, so I just got complacent with it.” 

You felt him shift a bit and glanced to his face to see he looked rather proud, and you grinned. Mission accomplished; you liked Winston, bizarre as it was to be friends with a talking gorilla. And you found that the more you praised and encouraged him, the more he returned it, and thus the better your work ended up being.

“How’s work on the cloaking device going?” He asked, moving back to his own workstation to reset the simulation so you could see if you could get a better time. Every time it reset, the solution would change but as he’d said, the base outline didn’t and it was becoming easier to figure things out from that. 

“Not bad, I’m having some issues with getting it to last, but that should only take a little bit of tweaking. Once I’ve perfected it, recreating it should be easy.” You just needed the time to do that. With the fact that you  _ were _ still training in the morning to keep your physical agility and endurance up, and the random testing Winston gave, you didn’t always have that time.

“Good.”

You cussed when your knees hit the solid metal underside of the desk you were working at, as Gabriel’s voice startled you into jumping nearly out of your chair. When you spun around to look at him, you saw his jaw clench and his eyes glitter; he was trying not to laugh. Your eyes hardened.

“That device would be a great asset to the team, and particularly to your first mission. Even one would do us good, but if you can outfit four of us with it, it’d make our lives a hell of a lot easier.” He strode to your desk and set a datapad down beside your keyboard. “Get a good look at this when you have time. Sunday evening will be your last test; Monday we’re executing this.”

You noticed that Winston had gone unusually quiet, and Reyes was paying him no attention despite the fact this was technically his office. You narrowed your eyes at him when he just stood there at your side. “Is that all?” You asked cooly, and he rose a brow down at you.

“What was that?” He asked, and for the first time in a while you noted that tone that had gotten under your skin so badly, that had made you afraid of him. The warning that you were stepping out of line. Maybe it was just because you hadn’t actually  _ spoken _ much in the last three weeks. 

“Is that all,  _ sir? _ ” You repeated, the last word a bitter hiss, and you saw his fingers flex briefly. He grunted and turned for the door. When he was about to leave he paused and turned his head.

“Actually, no. You’re also going out Saturday afternoon, so make sure you have everything done by then.” You didn’t get a chance to ask  _ why _ you were going out, because he strode out the door. Only once it closed did your shoulders relax, and you let out a long breath you hadn’t been aware you’d been holding. You rubbed your sore knees and huffed a little.

“You okay?” Winston asked from his workstation, and you looked up with a faint laugh.

“I’ve had worse bruising, trust me. How about you? You went pretty quiet there.” Winston shrugged his massive shoulders, sitting carefully and starting to work on something on his table. 

“I don’t think he likes me much,” He admitted, looking up at you over the glasses perched on his face. “I find it’s better to just keep quiet, I don’t want to cause an incident.”

You smiled wryly. “Good thing I’m here to do it for you.” You turned back to your desk and he laughed, the two of you then lapsing into silence. You went back to your simulation, ignoring the datapad beside your keyboard until you’d gotten the security protocols down within a time you were happy with. 

You continued to put it off as you then got to work on trying to finish your project while listening to Winston quietly go over a weapon design you’d given him for approval. One that you’d hoped to use yourself. It was influenced by both Lena, who you’d met at the beginning of the week, and Jesse’s weapons; a revolver that required no physical ammunition but instead fired pulse rounds. Less spread than Lena’s pistols, with less reload times compared to the Peacekeeper. 

Only when you realized how late it was getting did you pick the data pad up, glancing back to Winston, who was lost in his own work for the time being. You cleared your throat to get his attention and he looked up, almost surprised you were still there. 

“I’m gonna head out,” You spoke quietly, as it felt necessary, and gave a little wave with your free hand as you held the datapad to your chest. “I’ll see you tomorrow?” Winston smiled faintly and nodded, giving a wave of his hand as if to shoo you away, goodnaturedly of course. 

You left the simulation office and made your way to your room, reading over the mission summary as you did. From what you could gather, a Talon associate was having some high profile party and there would be a  _ lot _ of people around. You, Jesse, Gabriel, and Moira would be infiltrating as guests - you grimaced at this, knowing that also meant getting dressed up for it - and while  _ they _ were going to wear wires and get any audible information they could through Athena, your assignment was to slip away and find someplace to acquire further data and records.

The next few days were the most locked down you’d had since you arrived. Every moment you weren’t working out or putting your focus on finishing your cloaking device, you were pouring over the blueprints of the building you’d be going into, finding escape routes and looking for where would be the least populated. On paper, the plan was to get in and get out without any incidents, and maybe even enjoy yourselves while you were there, but you knew it’d never hurt to have a few contingency plans. By Friday, you had finished your device, but unfortunately, that meant you’d only have one for the party; you needed more than two days to get enough materials and sit down to recreate it three more times.

You’d almost forgotten your last ‘talk’ with Gabriel until Saturday afternoon. Nose buried in your study all through lunch, you left the dining hall and started towards the science wing of the base when a hand caught your elbow and pulled you to a stumbling stop. Startled, you turned to look, and were quick to jerk yourself free when you realized he was who’d stopped you, your eyes narrowing at him.

“You’re done with training for the week, remember.” It wasn’t stated as a question, and your brow furrowed briefly. “Angela’s getting a car set up, she’ll retrieve you from your room when she’s ready.” 

Ah. Right. Your mystery excursion for the day. He didn’t give you time to answer, as he swept passed you for whatever preparations  _ he _ had to make, and you turned around to head back to your room. By this time, you’d seen most of the base at Winston’s insistence, and it was easier to find your way around now. 

You changed out of your work clothes and were just pulling on your top when a knock sounded at your door. “One minute,” You called, slipping on your trainers and going to let them in. You were rendered a little bit breathless when your door slid open.

Any time you’d seen Angela before, it had been during her working hours - which seemed to be  _ always _ \- which meant you always saw her with her hair pulled up into a high ponytail, in a lab coat and either professional wear or scrubs. To see her in casual attire was...strange, to say the least. Her hair fell down around her face, and she wore slim fitted jeans, a white, swoop-necked top, and her typical heels. And as always she almost seemed radiant.

“O-oh, hi, I wasn’t expecting you so quickly,” You laughed, to cover up the blush that was now warming the tops of your ears. She smiled softly and stepped inside.

“I do prefer to be punctual...when I can,” She added, chuckling softly and shrugging her shoulders a little bit. You only had a little bit more to collect before you were ready to go, but let her wander in and look around anyway. Your room wasn’t particularly  _ messy, _ perse, but you didn’t have the meticulous organization that she did. Different half-finished devices and piles of designs were scattered over your dresser and on one side of your desk, with the other currently being taken up by the writing you’d been doing to record the final version of the cloak.

“So, uh, as is usual, I have no idea what we’re doing today,” you laughed, as you fished your wallet out from underneath a newer pile of papers. You caught Angela rolling her eyes out of your peripheral and smiling faintly.

“Of course not.” She sighed knowingly. “Jesse volunteered me a couple of weeks ago to take you out for dress sizing for your mission. He claims not to have the proper tastes to be of use in doing so, and while Commander Reyes  _ does _ he insinuated that you would probably be less than inclined to cooperate with him, so I agreed.” 

“Oh.” You blinked a bit and then let out a laugh. “Well, that was nice of Jesse, I guess.” You felt a little bit of guilt in your stomach, because you’d been essentially blowing him off lately in favor of burying yourself in your work. He understood, but it didn’t make you feel any less like you weren’t treating him the way you should. You also had a small suspicion there was more to his volunteering Angela than just not having the proper tastes.

“If I may ask,” Angela started gently, while the two of you stepped out of your room and started for the garage. “Jesse told me that you and Gabriel are having a bit of a problem. Why is that?” The red in your cheeks drained and with it you let out a sigh. You weren’t expecting that from her, but of course he would try and get you to talk to someone if you wouldn’t take to him.

“Are you asking because you’re curious, or are you asking because Jesse asked you to?” You countered, glancing sideways at her. She hummed faintly in response, putting a finger to her lips when you glanced at her, and though your brows knitted you nodded. She was silent then until you stepped into the garage, and towards the car she’d chosen. She motioned to the passenger side, and both of you slipped inside. 

“He prompted that I ask, and I told him that I would, but I also informed him that if you did speak to me it would be under doctor-patient confidentiality. I don’t plan to tell him anything you haven’t told him.” She finally answered, and you wondered why she couldn’t say that while you walked, but you had a suspicion she didn’t want to be overheard.

As you pulled out of the garage and onto the road, you chewed your bottom lip for a moment. “I haven’t told him anything.” You admitted, shifting uncomfortably. “I know I should, because he’s my best friend here, but it just…” You trailed off. It almost felt wrong to tell her if you couldn’t tell him, but then, you weren’t worried about her changing her attitude if she knew. Then again, you had a sneaking feeling that Jesse knew already, at least the basics, but wanted you to tell him. 

“The night we fought,” You started, and you saw her head tip towards you though she kept her eyes on the road. “Something...happened… and I’m pretty sure by this point it shouldn’t have.” 

“Something?” She questioned, but you stared pointedly ahead, your ears warming again, the color returning to your cheeks with a vengeance. You heard her chuckle softly. “Go on.”

“I’m used to coworkers acting different after that,” You continued, still refusing to say outright, “And I mean, it always stings a little, but usually they realized after a few days it’s a lot easier to just talk to me and tell me what they’re expecting or what they’re thinking and then things can go back to normal. Reyes has been acting like nothing happened - worse, like we barely know each other, for a month now. And it’s driving me fucking crazy. I just...don’t feel right telling Jesse about it.” You paused, and let out a sigh. “I don’t really feel right telling you, either, because I  _ haven’t _ told him, but… you’re also not the one that kissed me like, twenty minutes before it happened.” 

This time, when you caught sight of her looking at you, her expression was a little surprised. “He kissed you?” You nodded, biting your bottom lip slightly.

“I mean, it wasn’t unwelcome or anything. I  _ do _ like Jesse, he’s an incredible friend...even if he scared the shit out of me when we first met, and I’d be lying if I said there wasn’t attraction.” You sighed, rubbing the back of your neck. You noticed the road you were taking was different from the one Jesse had taken to town, you were headed further inland this time. “It wasn’t the last time we kissed, either. But with Reyes acting like he is, I just… I don’t know. He drove me crazy anyway, but somehow I hate this more. And I’m just… afraid of Jesse treating me differently too.” 

You were surprised to feel her slender fingers rub over your knee, and you glanced at her. She was smiling sympathetically, and though she wasn’t  _ too _ much older than you, there was a sort of motherly look in her eyes. 

“I’m sure you know that Jesse is a very different man than Gabriel is,” She started, and you nodded with a heavy sigh. “But that rarely makes the fear abate when it comes to situations like this. Gabriel will come around eventually; I can’t begin to fathom what’s made him act the way he is towards you, but he’ll figure it out himself eventually. In the mean time…” She paused, as if she were trying to think of her next words. “Are you interested in Jesse, that way?”

You weren’t expecting that question, but it wasn’t a difficult one to answer. You had your privacy, and you knew that whatever you said would stay in this car. Angela wasn’t going to break her code for Jesse, no matter how close their friendship. “...yeah, I am.”

“And Gabriel?” It almost felt like she knew there  _ was _ still some turmoil regarding your commander. 

This one wasn’t as easy. “I…” Your jaw clenched for a moment and you looked back out the window, while she took her hand back and focused on the road again. “I don’t know.” 

You really didn’t know. Before you’d slept together, you thought your feelings on the man were pretty clear. He drove you up the walls, frayed your nerves more often than not, and more than a few times had lit a fire under your skin. You thought you’d be okay with just getting it out of your system. But his attitude changed that; it shouldn’t have stung as badly as it did, nor thoroughly pissed you off, but it did and you weren’t sure what that meant. 

But with Jesse, it was easier. He teased you, of course, but it was never with the intent to get to you the way Gabriel had. He was your friend, and around him was one of the most comfortable places for you to be. You could see yourself having more with him. Strangely enough, during the nights you’d struggled to sleep, you could imagine yourself having a closer relationship with  _ both _ of them. Not to mention the fact your subconscious clearly liked the less innocent implications of such a thing. 

“My suggestion,” Angela spoke, startling you out of your thoughts. “Is to speak with Jesse. I don’t believe you to be leading him on, but he may, and it would be better that he understands the situation. Whatever happens, communicating is your best option. As far as Commander Reyes goes, that one...is harder for me to advise. Just promise me something?” You glanced at her questioningly. “Don’t hit him this time.”

You couldn’t help yourself; you laughed, your head leaning back against your seat. “I can’t make any certain promises, because you have no  _ clue _ how high the temptation is, but I’ll try.” You were relieved to see her smile indulgently at that and tip her head.

“Good enough. I’ll be sure to put aside some pain relievers this time, just in case.” 

Smiling to yourself, you lulled into silence for a while, before Angela gently began to steer the conversation away from your current, confusing love life - lust life? You weren’t sure which was more appropriate here. She asked you about your life before you joined Blackwatch, prompting about your history despite the unpleasant things that surrounded it.

You found yourself explaining the things you’d done, and while you knew just by her tone she didn’t approve of them, she also didn’t believe your choices then defined you. You had blood on your hands, but so did your companions, and your intent now was to do good. For her, that seemed to be enough. By the time you reached the city, you’d almost entirely put the talk behind you. 

She drove up to the front of a boutique that, in truth, looked more expensive than anything you’d ever even dreamed of. Then again, usually, this kind of dressing wasn’t to your tastes. Even when you went out, you preferred pants or skirts to dresses, and more often than not the former. Angela seemed comfortable here, though, as she led you inside with a small smile. She also began to give you advice on how to go about this mission. Not in terms of sneaking around or of making sure you got out okay, but instead in terms of fitting in. How to hold yourself, to remain confident and  _ own _ yourself. 

“If  _ you _ believe that you belong there, no one is going to guess that you don’t.” It was, roughly, a saying you knew well. An old one at that. You took her advice to heart as you tried on a handful of dresses; it took a good few hours before you were both pleased with your choice, however, something you were comfortable in, but that still fit the unspoken requirements. 

You returned to base with your chosen gown in a box on your lap, as well as a bag that included your new pair of heels, and a collection of jewelry that matched well with your chosen outfit. At your door, you were surprised when Angela gave you a gentle hug, and kissed your cheek.

“Remember what I said this afternoon,” She prompted, and you felt your stomach twist a little because you knew she was right about needing to speak with Jesse, but it made it no easier. Still, you matched her warm smile with one of your own. “I’ll see you Monday evening, so long as you don’t do anything reckless tomorrow.”

You gave her a questioning look and she smiled mischievously; it was a strangely bizarre expression to see on her face. 

“What, do you think they’re going to have Jesse do your make up for the ball?” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was honestly going to make this chapter longer but felt like what happens next Might deserve its own chapter... So look forward to that, I suppose? ^-^
> 
>  
> 
> And seriously, thank you, EVERYONE, for your comments. This is honestly the most I've written in years and it's all thanks to your encouragement; knowing people are enjoying this is making me love writing it even more.  
>  ~~Seriously, it's a 42-page document rn, this is huge for me. Thank you so, so, so incredibly much.~~


	7. Blackwatch Days (Part 7) The Boiling Point

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Violence/fighting ahead.

When you woke the next morning, for the first time in a long time, your dreams weren’t completely to blame for your racing heart. Today was the day you found out if you failed or not. Granted, you knew you weren’t going to be dropped if you had - Gabriel had made it perfectly clear from the beginning that if it was what he needed to do, he’d keep pushing you until you were ready; he wouldn’t give up on you. Even with the personal problems between you, he’d given you no indication that that had changed, still pushing you harder and harder during your morning workouts. 

When he led you outside this time, there was a course set up along your typical path, completely enclosed by what you assumed were essentially pop-up rooms, making a hallway to the mountain’s base. To the side of the path, Winston sat quietly, a table set out in front of him with some of your handheld equipment. When he noticed you, he got up and moved forward slowly, glancing at Gabriel, who gave him a curt not and stood back slightly.

“This course is to test your agility, strength, speed, and memory of the systems we’ve been working with,” He explained, motioning you closer. Spread on the table beneath the equipment you’d need to get manually get through the doors, was a rough sketch of what you faced. There were multiple complex-locked doors, a few (non-lethal) traps you would need to disarm, some you would have to avoid through physical prowess, and some simple blockades to test your strength. 

“You have a time limit to finish, and should you not, your training will resume after tomorrow. Thankfully tomorrow is fairly covert and I believe your skill to be adept enough for it, but it may be the easiest mission we’re able to give you so…” Winston sounded almost sympathetic as he said it, but he still smiled. “I believe you have it in you to finish in time, though!”

“But she needs to prove that herself.” Came Gabriel’s addition, and Winston glanced to him with a faint nod; you noticed he frowned briefly, but it faded quickly. He smiled at you once more and stepped back, handing you what you would need to get through the course. All of your equipment was fitted to your belt, and you went to stand in front of the first door, which - for the moment - you noticed by the small green light on the keypad was unlocked. 

“Oh!” You turned your attention to Winston at his exclamation, and he smiled sheepishly. “At the end of the course you’ll find a button connected to the final room; it will reset the course for you to return.” So you had to run it twice, and if you knew Winston well enough, the solutions to disarm or unlock would change with the reset. You nodded, went through your stretches, and then settled back to prepare for the start.

With a touch of a button, there was a  _ ding _ from the table as the timer started and the door slid open. It was a short run to the first door, which you passed through with a device that let you digitally see and manipulate the circuits to unlock it. The first laser trap tripped you up a little bit, but eventually you managed to shut it down and keep going, over pitfalls, through more doors, swinging from bars over other various traps that, while they wouldn’t have  _ actually _ slowed you down should you trip them, would take time over whatever you had left. 

You  _ did _ trip a second laser trap in your rush, cursing to yourself, but otherwise made it to the end of the course without much incident, even if you weren’t happy with your current time. Though you were dripping with sweat by this point, your chest didn’t hurt as it had once before and the adrenaline was enough to keep any muscle aches out of mind. You reset the course and, thankfully, stumbled out of the last door only a few seconds before the timer buzzed, gasping for breath and doubling over as your legs finally started to shake. 

You felt his presence before you saw him, but you were too exhausted to care for the moment as Gabriel stepped up to your side, presenting a half-frozen water bottle. You snatched it quickly, straightening up as you drank as much of it as you could, putting it to your neck to help cool you off once you’d drained all the liquid out of it.

“While I would’ve preferred a faster time,” He started, and you rolled your eyes as you turned to face him, fighting back the urge to ask him if anything was ever good enough for him. “That’s two of four sections passed. You’ve got twenty minutes to rest, then meet in the arena. Winston,” He looked over your head at the scientist who was currently pouring over the data that he’d collected from the course. Winston looked up questioning. “Is that revolver finished?”

“Yes, Commander Reyes, I sent it to the range last night. It should be in her locker.” He replied, turning his attention back to his work. You furrowed your brow.

“I have a locker?”

“McCree preferred to have your weapons ready for you, but yes, you do. He’ll show you that area when you get there.” He replied curtly, already walking away. You’d  _ almost _ forgotten just how bad he was being, but again this dismissal brought it back and you growled softly beneath your breath. Still, you followed him back into the base, breaking off and heading to your room to rest for a few minutes before you had to make your way to the arena and shooting range.

As you stepped into the arena, Gabriel was nowhere to be seen, but McCree stood by the entrance to the range, giving you a small wave when he caught sight of you. You picked up your stride, ignoring the sudden soft voice in your head reminding you of your conversation with Angela. Now was not the time. 

“Where’s Reyes?” You asked, as you stopped next to him. “Kind of thought he’d be ready to ‘criticize’ this test, too.” Jesse looked down at you with a wry, knowing smile. You could tell that he’d become a bit impatient and frustrated with you and the commander both, though he never took that out on you. In answer to your question, he motioned up towards his office. You glanced up, only to see that the window was dark black. 

“Uh…” You looked questioningly at Jesse, who laughed slightly.

“The thing has a few settings. Clear, full black out, two way into, and two way out of his office.”

“Oh.” You said blankly, as quite suddenly you were bombarded with the possibility that someone you were oblivious to could’ve seen everything that night. “...Why exactly does it have a setting to see in but not out of his office?”

“Mostly so we know if he’s up there while he doesn’t have to deal with paying attention to our bullshit.” He said with a shrug, looking at your suddenly pale face in concern. “Y’alright, darlin’?” 

You cleared your throat and took the water bottle from your belt to take a long drink. “Yep, just fine.” Whether or not he was willing to talk to you normally, you were very tempted to march right up to his office and demand to know if he’d taken that into consideration when he took you to his office. You resisted that urge, however, and turned your attention on Jesse again.

“So, first things first, I have a locker apparently?” You were going to try very hard not to think about the fear that had just bubbled up and was sitting squarely where your heart should be. And ignore the fact the idea sent a shiver down your back all the same.

“Oh, yeah,” He laughed, seeming content to let the subject matter drop for the moment. He opened the gate into the range and motioned for you to follow him, and inside a small room was a line of lockers; they were just large enough to hold the biggest weapons Overwatch currently used, and there was a fair amount of them. Near one end of the room you found one with your name blinking across the little screen on top. “Something in here y’need, then?”

“My gun,” You grinned, it not quite reaching your eyes. “I drew up a design last week to have Winston look into, and I guess he approved and got it finished. I hope it’s as good as I wanted it to be.”

“If he approved it, I’m gonna guess better,” Jesse laughed. He hadn’t told you the code, but you guessed it might be your room code; a correct assumption, and one that had you wondering if you could change it after your time as a recruit was up. Considering that at the very least, both Reyes and McCree had access to it, that was two too many when it came to your privacy. 

You pulled out the case inside, and opened it up to reveal a sleek, silver revolver with an onyx grip. You felt a sense of pride as you studied it, knowing this was well and truly one of your own. Beside you, Jesse laughed softly.

“Well, I’m flattered,” He teased, pulling Peacemaker from his belt to compare them. Your revolver was slightly slimmer, and lacked some of the bits his did; specifically, yours had no cocking mechanism, though there  _ was _ a safety to keep it from firing accidentally. 

“Don’t let it get to your ego too much,” You teased right back, laughing. “I took inspiration from you and Lena. It uses pulse fires, but it’s a lot slower than her pistols. Spread’s less drastic too, and it reloads faster than yours. Not sure what kind of fall-off it has, but hopefully I won’t have to find that out too soon. Assuming today’s just about my personal abilities and not how close I actually need to be.”

“Pretty much,” He chuckled, taking your hand to lead you back out. It was all you could do not to glance towards the office again, but thankfully McCree seemed to be guiding your attention well enough. He explained the exercises you’d be going through, which included stationary quick-shots - as quick as you could do with your new weapon, anyway, considering he certainly didn’t expect you to be able to pull the same things he did - a test on moving targets and a test on the same targets with you also moving. The last would be done with simulated enemies rather than the target bots, which meant you’d also have to show that you had enough sense on how to take your shots and when to stay in cover.

“So…” You mused, looking up at him with a raised brow. “Do you grade this one, or do I have to wait for him to come out of hiding to know how I’ve done?” You turned your revolver in your hands as you asked, nervousness beginning to fill you again because this was the one you were a bit more worried about. This was the one thing you’d had so little experience in when you got here that your progress still wasn’t nearly up to par to his ability. 

“Technically,” He drawled, leaning on the wall where he’d be observing, and grinned. “S’my call, considering the boss isn’t much of a sharpshooter himself. If he sees somethin’ he doesn’t like it’ll go on the mark but ultimately I get to give more marks than he does in this case. Though, I’d bet Ana’s up there too, and she’s the best marksman I’ve ever met, so if my instincts are right his marks’ll be influenced by her. Aside me, it’d be her you have to impress, not him.” 

You weren’t sure if he was right; you’d yet to actually  _ meet _ Ana Amari, though you’d heard enough about her from Jesse. The idea she was silently watching over this test didn’t really do much in terms of helping your nerves, though, and you swallowed hard. “Alright then.”

“And don’t get any ideas,” Jesse’s voice turned teasing, trying to lighten your mood. “No bonus points ‘cause I like ya.” You flushed a little and laughed, which pleased him, rolling your eyes.

“Not even for a kiss?”

“Not even that.” He grinned when you looked at him, and you smiled back. At least he didn’t find the little tease too tasteless. You sighed a little, knowing your nerves wouldn’t abate til you’d finished, and with that you went through your tests.

Your stationary test went well, and that was the only one that didn’t surprise you. The moving bots were a little more difficult, and ended in more body shots than headshots, but thankfully far less entirely missed than you’d expected; Jesse assured you that he didn’t expect you to be able to hit every shot perfectly; you weren’t a sniper with a rifle, after all, and as long as you did some damage it would help.

The simulation  _ started _ well, but when your enemies got a little more aggressive, you found you were missing more shots. Be it because you had to duck into cover to avoid a hit - which wouldn’t have actually  _ hurt _ you, but you were immersed in the moment and instinct overruled logic - or because you had trouble predicting where your target would be in time to land the shot or when they were going to hide themselves.

You were a little out of breath by the time Jesse called an end to the test, leaning back on your haunches where you’d been hiding as the extra cover was withdrawn back into the floor and the simulation holos flickered out of existence. “Not bad, honestly,” Jesse praised, holding a hand out to help you to your feet. As you steadied yourself, taking a deep breath to try and calm your heart, he looked down to a datapad he’d been keeping notes on.

“I’ll be honest, you’re worse than I am about knowin’ when to come up and when to stay in cover,” He laughed, and you grimaced a little bit. “Some of those shots barely missed ya, and you got some work to do on predictions, but ultimately unless there’s any outstanding arguments, I’d say you passed your marksman training as well. I’ll still be pullin’ ya in here for practice often enough though, can never get enough of it.” He winked at you, and you laughed faintly, but it trailed off as the door to the arena closed, drawing both Jesse’s and your attention.

Gabriel was striding towards you, and your stomach twisted a little when you noticed that he had his hands wrapped, and was carrying more wrapping with him. You clenched your jaw for a moment, and saw something like concern flicker through McCree’s expression, but Gabriel wasn’t really paying attention yet. “You should be proud, recruit.” He mused, finally looking up. “For your experience, you impressed the world’s best. Just one more to go.” He tossed you the wrappings which you caught easily, as you strode from behind the gate.

“Er, sir?” Jesse interjected as you started to wrap your hands. You glanced up, not at Jesse, but at Gabriel, gauging his expression. “Are you sure you oughtta? I mean, shouldn’t we be testin’ her against someone more her caliber for this? I know she’s improved, but--”

Gabriel’s eyes met yours even as he cut Jesse short. “We can’t ensure that she’ll be facing someone of her caliber on the field. All I need to know is if she’s got enough in her to keep herself alive ‘til she can get the upper hand or until help can get to her.” There was a glimmer in his eyes that, for some reason, made your blood boil. Like he didn’t quite think you had that in you. 

“Don’t worry, Jesse,” You spoke up, still staring up at Gabriel with an icy glare. “I’m not afraid of him.” His lip twitched slightly and if you weren’t currently repressing the urge to just lunge at him, you might’ve felt that saying that was a mistake.

Behind you, Jesse sighed. “That is  _ exactly _ what concerns me.” He retorted, but conceded, making his way towards the benches while you swept past Gabriel to the middle of the arena, though your commander wasn’t far behind. 

Once you were both in place, before he had fallen back into stance, you suddenly close the space between you. You couldn’t help yourself, you had to ask. “What was the setting on that?” You asked, your voice low enough that only he would hear, even though you knew Jesse was far enough away you didn’t have to worry too much. He arched a brow down at you.

“Two way out.” 

“You know what I mean, Commander.” You spoke through gritted teeth. The smirk that he gave you didn’t help your irritation any.

“Oh, are you asking if I wanted people to see us argue? No.”

“You know damn fucking well that’s not what I’m asking,” You spat, but turned around and returned to your spot, taking it as the answer you needed. Even if he wouldn’t admit it either, you believed him decent enough to not lie to you about that, even in a roundabout way. You could feel Jesse’s eyes boring into your back, but you kept your eyes forward.

It started as it always had. You circled each other, teased. Lunge forward, moved back, hands up and ready to block. You took him off guard this time, however, lunging and aiming a precise jab to his ribs, though you were disappointed when your knuckles found his forearm instead. The first hit always opened the dam and you both exchanged a flurry of quick, controlled blows.

Though you did well in protecting your vulnerable spots, predicting his movements and dodging or giving him a less optimal place to strike, you were more aggressive than you’d ever been. Suddenly you wanted to throw all the frustration of the last month at him. You moved in quick, landed what hits you could, and darted back, your chest heaving. You saw in the way his jaw clenched and flexed that he was trying to reign his reactions in, and not lose himself as he had before.

It didn’t seem like this would end as quickly as your spars usually did. But then, you knew this wasn’t really a  _ spar _ . It hadn’t been from the moment it started. You were starting to feel sore where you continued to block his blows, and more than a few times he managed to get in a hit to your stomach; you were quick to tense and lessen the damage the blow would give. 

You had to admit, though, that you were pretty proud when you managed to fake him out. A left jab to the ribs, blocked, to cover for a right hook that connected to his cheek. He stumbled a little bit in surprise as you pulled back, glaring at you with a glitter in his eyes that said without words, “Are you sure you want to do this?”

You did. You shouldn’t have, but you did. He started to match your aggression with his own, landing more hits and sending you back on your heels a few times. Jesse stood by this point and had advanced towards you. “Guys, maybe-”

“Stand down, McCree,” Gabriel growled, in a way that very nearly quelled your rage. But not quite. Still, Jesse took the threat to heart and stopped his advance, watching with concern in his eyes. You didn’t focus on him much, but you noted a few times he twitched as though to start for the door, before thinking better of leaving the two of you alone like this.

You weren’t sure if it was the progress you’d made during those first two weeks, or the pure frustration and fury you had towards him at the moment, but you were matching him pretty well. You were out of breath where he wasn’t, and your limbs shook a little, but adrenaline itself kept you trading blows. 

You did your best not to fight dirty, too, though the temptation to land a kick to his groin flared every now and then when he started to look cocky, noticing that you were finally wearing down. You broke, if a little, with one smirk, and lunged at him, sending the full weight of your body behind your shoulder, which you drove into his abdomen, arms flinging around his waist in the process. You were pleased to hear the grunt he gave, and this time it was enough to give him pause.

You took that time to swing your leg around, knocking his out from under him and sending him to his back. Leaping on top of him, you straddled his waist and pulled your fist back, ready to swing, your other hand curled into his shirt...and stopped. Your chest and shoulders heaving with every heavy breath, your eyes alight with fire, you stopped. There was the part of you that wanted to keep taking hits, but the rational part of your brain kicked in and you knew if you took the advantage that far, the damage he could do in return would be far worse.

Gabriel took advantage of the pause in your rampage and threw his body up, switching your positions and pinning your arms to the ground. He shifted onto his knees, but used the weight of his body to pin you completely, his fingers digging roughly into your upper arms. You hated yourself for warmth that started to pool in your lower stomach. 

“Congratulations, rookie, you might just have the balls to make it in this line of work,” Gabriel growled, the sound vibrating through every bone in your body, as he leaned closer, his face barely an inch from yours. “But you should be very, very,  _ very _ careful with yourself.” The threat was clear, and it sent your heart skipping, but you glared right back up at him. He held you like that, meeting your icy stare, long enough for your breathing to start taking on a new tone. It was everything you could do not to squirm.

He pushed off of you, finally, his knees shoving your hips a little when he did. You didn’t get up right away, chest still heaving, and were surprised when he offered a hand to you. However, you growled faintly at the gesture and swung yourself around, foot very nearly colliding with that hand before you managed to scramble to your feet and storm away.

In the hallway, you heard footsteps following, and gaining on you, and it was lucky for Jesse that his spurs gave him away before he got too close, or you might’ve turned and swung at him. As it were, you didn’t pay him any mind. You didn’t want to talk to him, you didn’t want to talk to  _ anyone _ and you were pretty sure you’d end up visited by Angela anyway, assuming Gabriel informed her of what happened.

Unfortunately for you, Jesse caught up, and before your door could close behind you he stormed in after you, grabbing your arms and pushing you into the wall so you couldn’t lash out at him, his eyes bright and furious.

“What the fuck was that?” He snarled, his voice low, hands at your elbows to pin you down and using his weight to keep you from kicking out at him. “Have you actually lost your fucking mind?” You scowled right back at him, breathing hard and clenching your jaw.

“Jesse McCree,  _ let me go. _ ” You growled dangerously back at him, but his fingers tightened and he grunted against the pressure you tried to use to free yourself. The look in his eyes made the first time he’d threatened you look like play, and yet you were too angry, too hyped on adrenaline and rage to be afraid of him.

“Not until you tell me what the fuck is going on,” He growled your name so low, your stomach twisted. It didn’t help. “I’m sick of being in the dark here, and I’m sick of whatever game you two are playing that I have to suffer for.” The incredulous look you gave him actually made him pause. That  _ he _ had to suffer for?

“Look,” He sighed, still keeping you securely pinned to the wall. “You don’t owe me anything in terms of...that, but fuck’s sake,” This time, your name almost sounded pleading on his lips. “Ya keep draggin’ me in circles, ya keep sayin’ it isn’t because of him, ya keep sayin’ you’ll explain but you don’t, and it’s pretty fuckin’ clear something’s going on with you, so don’t y’at least owe me that? An explanation?” 

You felt the anger drain from your body as his voice turned well and truly pleading. Your head fell forward and you sighed. “Jesse, please let me go.” You murmured, and something in the utterly exhausted way you said it made him give in. He stepped back, and you stepped around him, covering your face with your hands.

“We fucked, okay?” You walked to your desk and put your hands on it, your head falling forward, strands of hair that had come loose from the tie falling into your face. “I was scared and pissed off and I called him out on how he’d been acting and he turned it around on me. When he told me I could leave, I didn’t. I stayed, and it happened. By the end of the night, I thought… I don’t know, that I could deal with him, that maybe he’d at least take what I said before to heart since it wasn’t clouding his mind anymore.”

You felt Jesse’s hands on your waist, gentle and comforting, but didn’t shift from where you were standing. “That even if he treated me as a ‘subordinate’, he’d at least treat me like an adult. I guess I wasn’t entirely wrong there.” You sighed. “The next day he was acting like we barely fucking knew each other. Like we hadn’t spent hours a day together for two weeks, like he hadn’t been trying to drive me fucking crazy the entire time. It’s happened before, but it was bothering me more than it should have this time. And usually, it passes quickly, but he’s been doing this for a fucking month.” 

Jesse slipped a hand around you, pushing you a bit so that you straightened, and he could pull you into his chest easier. Both arms wrapped around you then, and you sank into his hold, closing your eyes to ward off the feeling welling behind them. Damned if you were about to cry about this. 

“Why didn’t ya tell me?” He asked softly, and you sighed, turning your head so you nuzzled your cheek against his shoulder.

“The first day, I was just...mad. But I wanted it to pass. Wanted it to be something I could laugh about when I did tell you. And that night, when… it just didn’t feel right. I was scared. I’ve  _ been _ scared. I know you’re different people, but I didn’t… I didn’t want you to start treating me differently too. God, Jesse, you’re my best friend here, I didn’t want to lose that if you regretted sleeping with me.” You felt a sigh shudder through him, and he held you tighter, his cheek pressed against the top of your head.

“I don’t think I could regret that,” He mused, with an almost sad chuckle, and you couldn’t help but match it. You turned around in his arms, putting yours around his waist and pressing your cheek to his chest, eyes closed. He started to move, slowly walking backwards til his legs hit your bed, then lifted himself to sit on it, and pulling you into his lap in the process.

“I understand why we haven’t done anythin’, but...the hell made you do that today? I thought I was gonna have to call Angela for you by the end of that…” You shifted in his lap, knees on either side of his hips, and looked up at him, resting your arms around his shoulders. 

“Honestly? I’m losing my fucking mind.” He laughed as you essentially gave his words back to him. “I kept thinking he’d finally fucking talk to me about whatever was going on in his head and we could go back to normal, even if normal drove me crazy. I don’t know  _ why _ it hurt so much, but it did, and that made me so fucking mad…” 

“D’you have feelings for him?” Jesse asked gently, and you looked up at him. Impulsively, your hands cupped his face and you kissed him softly. 

“I don’t know. I don’t know anything when it comes to him right now.” You pressed your forehead to his, your words insinuating that, at least you had some inkling as to what was right in front of you. His arms tightened around you.

“Was it just that?” You glanced up at him now, and let out a low sigh.

“No. I think the dreams might’ve been even worse.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so, again this felt like it got way too long for a single chapter, so have two in a day? ~~Maybe three if I finish the next one before bed.~~  
>  Even if I might not be the best at them, I like fight scenes, and as it is, Gabe's bein' a dick so he gets the abuse. For now.


	8. Blackwatch Days (Part 8) Enough Teasing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for:  
> Smut right out the gate. Woops

“Dreams?” Jesse prompted, curious. You pressed your forehead to his shoulder and sighed, this time a little bit exasperated.

“I’ve been having dreams about it every day for  _ weeks. _ ” You explained, shifting a little. “But they’re not always the same. Sometimes it’s him. Sometimes...sometimes it’s you. Sometimes it-...well…” You trailed off, pressed closer to him and hiding your face against his neck. He seemed content to hold you close, but he hummed thoughtfully all the same.

“Sometimes what?” He pressed, and you shifted uncomfortably. “C’mon, darlin’, you’ve told me this much…” You felt his lips on your jaw and sighed into his skin faintly.

“Sometimes it’s both.” You felt more than heard his surprise, as his chest rose with the little ‘huh’ that escaped him.  _ You _ were surprised when he laughed, low and in a way that made your skin tingle a bit.

“I...gotta admit,” He started after a moment, and you pulled back to look up at him. The way his hat was sitting, and the afternoon light filtered through your window, shadowed his face and all you could really see was the faint smirk on his lips. “I’m kinda curious what happened now.” 

Your cheeks turned bright pink and you squirmed in his lap, almost ready to get up, but he held you there with his arms around your waist, and you settled for looking away. “You...don’t want those details.” You assured him, but he laughed again and you had to bite your lip.

“Weirdly enough, I think I do.” He pressed, his lips brushing your neck lightly. Your mind was so muddled and exhausted from the anger that you’d felt not long ago, your chest starting to rise and fall a little quicker as you shivered against him. You were finding it very difficult to resist him; and it was even harder to pretend you  _ wanted _ to.

“I called him out,” You repeated, while Jesse trailed his lips down your neck and collarbone, latching on gently and making you sigh pleasantly. “T-told him he was playing games, that he’d look at me like he wanted to fuck me senseless then turn around and talk to me like I was a child.” Jesse hummed in understanding as he started to leave a mark on your collar, drawing a soft moan.

“He turned it back on me...Pinned me down with his hand on my throat and said he wasn’t the only one that wanted that, that the way I’d been reacting...I guess he w-was right. Guess you w-were- guess you were too...” You stuttered, swallowing. He was distracting you, but every time you paused, he would give an encouraging noise to continue. 

“A-are you-- fuck, Jesse, are you sure you want me to tell you th-this?” You bit your lip and he pulled back, smirking, pushing his hat - which sat precariously on his head now - off and letting it tumble off your bed and to the floor.

“The way it’s makin’ ya squirm? I want every detail.” He chuckled as you groaned, your head falling back exasperatedly. This only gave him more room, of course, and he latched onto your neck. Neither of you seemed to care that you’d have to go out tomorrow. You’d probably end up with a pretty good coat of makeup to hide the bruising, between fighting with Gabriel - again - and Jesse leaving his marks on you. 

“He told me t’leave, i-if I wanted, no hard feelings…” You broke off into a sigh, but tried to continue telling him what had happened. How you’d nearly come just from grinding against his thigh. Your mouth on him. How he’d pressed you to the glass and made you cry out so desperately when you came. At that, Jesse laughed softly.

“So  _ that’s _ why you went white as a sheet when I talked about the window settings.” You slapped his shoulder weakly, and he looked up at you with a grin. “Gotta say, I think I’d like to have seen that.” At that, you whined, shifting again as if you wanted to get out of his lap, but he held you steadily. You weren’t telling him to stop, and you definitely didn’t seem to be complaining - about his actions at the very least - so he wasn’t going to let you go this time. He pulled the neckline of your tank top down, along with your sports bra, exposing your chest to his mouth.

“And your dreams? You dream about me doin’ all that to ya?” He purred, lips brushing your nipple, and you whimpered softly as you nodded, threading your fingers into his hair and feeling him smirk against your skin. His hand slipped around to your front, into your pants and passed your underwear, teasing your wet core lightly.

“Why don’t you tell me about the other dream,” He mused, while he slowly sank his fingers into you, making you whine loudly. “The one with both of us. What d’you wanna do for us, darlin’, hmm?” You wished, sorely, that he didn’t sound so enraptured by the idea, because now you were never going to get it out of your head. You whimpered as he started fingering you slowly, his thumb pressed to your clit but only using his motions to rub there.

“J-Jesse…” You whimpered, in a mild protest, and he smiled against you. 

“Y’don’t  _ have _ to tell me if ya really don’t wanna.” He mused, pulling back and lifting his head to kiss you heatedly, his hand still in place. “But God, to know what makes you wake up wet and needy, to know what makes you squirm… Just my own ideas are makin’ me so fuckin’ hard…” He pushed up a little, and you could feel him against your inner thigh through your clothes. 

“G-god damnit Jesse…” You whined, rocking your hips against his hand, and he chuckled low in his throat. Gently, he slipped his hand away, grinning mischievously when you whined in protest.

“Maybe I should tell you what you’ve got goin’ in  _ my _ head?” He mused, carefully pulling your shirt and bra off in one motion, before he picked you up and laid you on your back, looming over you as he settled between your legs, grinding your clothed hips together. You keened, arching your back, and he leaned down to attack your neck again. Your senses muddled with his scent now, his hair tickling your throat and collar, while his teeth nipped at your soft skin.

“The thought’a just seein’ you desperate and writhin’ and  _ beggin’ _ , of watchin’ you come apart…” You shuddered, his voice a low growl at your throat, whimpering. He smirked. “Makin’ those noises while you’re pinned, helpless, vulnerable for us…” While he left lovebites over your throat and collarbone, he kept grinding into you, and you started to tremble underneath him. 

“Or maybe th’sounds ya’d make for us...how nice your pretty li’l mouth would feel on my cock while he fucked you, muffling all those gorgeous noises…” You felt your hips jerk, and you knew if he kept rubbing against you like that, kept those words pouring you were going to lose yourself. 

“J-Jesse...p-please, m’unna...m’so close,” You pleaded, and he shifted his hips away, sliding his hand back into your pants and plunging his fingers into you. He caught your mouth in a hot, claiming kiss, stealing the cries he pulled from you as his fingers curled to find the right spot. You bit down on his bottom lip when you came, whining loudly, and he chuckled softly. His fingers slowed, and he let you calm before he pulled away, gently easing your underwear and pants down your legs.

After you had a moment to find yourself again, you reached up, pulling his shirt free of its tuck and tossing it somewhere in your room, reaching for his belt while he settled himself between your legs, easing you up a little with his knees so your hips rested close together.

“Sure you wanna do this?” He murmured, looking up at you, as he helped you unbuckle his belt. You bit your lip as you met his gaze.

“Promise you’re not gonna disappear when it’s over?”

“I promise.” He said with a soft chuckle, turning to rub his palm over you again. You flopped back with a groan, your hips jerking a little.

“I want you.” You gave him your answer then, and looked up to catch the smile on his lips. You couldn’t help but ask, though. “Do- nnn, do you really...want all that? O-Or like the idea, at least… sharing me with him…” 

Jesse chuckled low, and you heard the zipper of his pants slip down, looking down in time to see  _ and _ feel his cock as he pressed it against your core. “You tell me what you think.” He murmured, rubbing the head against your clit for a moment and making you whimper.

“T’be honest, never would’a thought of it before you, but… I can’t say I mind the idea.” He murmured as he lifted up a little bit so he could push his pants further down, lining himself up. “But right now…” His voice dropped to a growl, and he pressed into you, grabbing your thighs as he pushed your hips flush together. “You’re all mine.”

You threw your head back as he filled you, crying out and digging your fingers into the covers below you. He moved slow and hard, jolting your body with each thrust, drawing out desperate moans. You wrapped your legs around his lower back, while his hand slid around your thigh to rub your clit firmly. His pace began to pick up, faster and harder, until you started writhing, coming around him and crying out. He shifted to let your legs slide down his hips, so he could lean over you, the new angle making your head swim. 

His lips caught yours and he kissed you hard, using your mouth to muffle his own low moan as he buried himself and spilled into you, feeling you twitch and buck beneath him. He held you there for a few moments, before carefully pulling back and shifting to lay beside you. It took him a moment of kicking his legs free of his tangled pants, but once he could rest, he gathered you to his chest and lay back with you, kissing your forehead gently.

With the aftermath of your orgasm pulsing through your body, you pressed your head to his chest and whined softly. You were so incredibly exhausted, satisfied and sore in more ways than one. “Can I sleep now…?” You mumbled sweetly, and Jesse laughed low. 

“I’ll be right here when ya wake up.” As if flipping a switch, with that, you drifted off into what was the first peaceful rest you’d had in a very, very long time.

When you woke, it was slowly, to the warmth of the morning sun filtering through your window. You marveled at that for a moment; it hadn’t really registered to you that with your training done, Gabriel would have no reason to wake you before dawn. 

Which, you thought as you shifted to look up at Jesse’s sleeping face, was probably a good thing considering your current circumstances. You sighed softly, contentedly, your chin resting gently on his chest. 

You were sore. Your whole body ached from the culmination of yesterday’s events. But you couldn’t help but feel content; any anxiety you’d had over this, over letting something happen with Jesse, swept away when you woke to him still in your bed.

He shifted with a quiet grumble, blinking blearily as he woke up, meeting your gaze and smiling faintly. “Mornin’,” He mumbled, and you leaned up to kiss him softly. 

“Morning.” You felt his hand squeeze your waist lightly, twitching with the jolt it sent through your ticklish form, but relaxed into him all the same. You leaned into him a little, and for a while, the two of you lay in silence, your fingers tracing over his chest absently. Resting your cheek on his shoulder, you trailed your fingers to his arm, tracing your fingertips over the tattoo there. You felt muscle flex under your touch, but he didn’t pull away.

“Want that story now?” He rumbled against your ear, and you smiled up at him. 

“If you-”

You were cut off by a knock and a familiar voice calling your name at your door. “Liebling,” Angela’s voice sounded just a little put off, and you grimaced. “We need to talk.”

“Fuck.” You muttered, hiding your face against Jesse’s chest for a moment before calling out. “Give me like, five minutes.”

“If you are indecent, don’t bother; I need to look you over anyway.” Your cheeks turned a faint shade of pink and you groaned again, sitting up and shifting to climb over Jesse, who was smirking despite sympathy in his eyes. He recognize this tone of voice, but also knew you deserved whatever was coming.

“Okay, make it two minutes.” Managing to climb out of bed, you glanced at Jesse. “Put pants on please.” You heard him laugh as you scurried into your bathroom to clean yourself up a bit, making a mental note to wash your sheets before you had to leave tonight. 

Donning underwear, you wrapped a towel around the rest of yourself and went to open the door, letting the rather irate looking blonde sweep into your room, your eyes down sheepishly.

“Didn’t I ask you  _ not _ to pick a fight with him again?” She snapped, stopping short when she caught sight of Jesse leaning against your desk, topless and his jeans hanging low on his hips, before giving an exasperated sound and turning on you.

“I did say I couldn’t make any promises,” You reminded her meekly, and she rolled her eyes. “I’m sorry, Angela… I just…”

“Let your temper get away from you. Again.” She finished for you. You felt like a scolded child, but with Angela you hated to admit it felt well deserved. She sighed faintly and stepped forward, taking the towel from your hands and letting it drop. 

Your body was littered with bruises, the worst of which were to particularly vivid handprints on your upper arms. Angela shook her head as she pressed her fingers to these, making you twitch slightly. “At this point, I am unsure if you are very lucky, or very important.”

“Both,” Jesse piped up, and she glanced at him with a roll of her eyes. You couldn’t help but laugh faintly. 

“He’s probably right. I’m definitely lucky.” It was probably a miracle you’d left that arena on your own, if you were being honest with yourself, once you’d pushed him to his own breaking point. Though, you had to think of the fact that you may not have. 

“At least your dress is long-sleeved. These, however…” Her fingers found your jaw, and she tilted your head up slightly to look at the marks littering your collarbone and the base of your throat, a very different kind of bruising to the rest. “Are another matter.” She gave Jesse a scathing look, to which he glanced away sheepishly, and you shifted uncomfortably.

The mechanical sound of your door startled all three of you, while you in particular squeaked and crossed your arms tightly over your bare chest. Angela spun around, eyes alight, and glared at Gabriel as he stepped inside, blinking briefly while his gaze swept over the inhabitants of your room.

“Do you  _ know _ how to knock, Commander Reyes?” She snapped. You peaked up at him to see he was looking at her with a momentarily bewildered look, before letting out a faint laugh. 

“I wasn’t aware there was such an intimate meeting happening.” He glanced at Jesse, and you followed his eyes to see that the cowboy’s expression was surprisingly neutral, though you were sure you could  _ feel _ the mild irritation coming off of him. You almost felt bad, now concerned you’d end up causing a rift in the team.

When you turned your attention back to Gabriel, he was looking at you, and you had to force yourself to meet his gaze, even as you felt heat spreading over your shoulders and creeping up your neck. It wasn’t like you had anything to hide in this matter, really. You had to ignore the fact there was a faint glimmer in his eyes that you knew too well.

“Go on with your examination, Angela, I can wait. I have some paperwork for her to finish.” He leaned against the wall, a folder in hand, and she gave  _ him _ a scathing look this time, and pulled you around so that your back was to him. You dropped your arms, though she was quick to prompt you into lifting them to the sides. You did your best not to squirm away from her when her fingers began prodding your ribs and sides, whimpering to hold back the laughter that threatened. 

“Any pain?” She asked, as she continued to palpate your abdomen, and you shook your head.

“Other than the bruises, nothing else.” She nodded, seeming content with that, and sighed softly again, shaking her head and tutting. Your ribs and stomach were littered with bruises but you noticed that these were far less severe than what you’d ended up with before; you weren’t sure if that was from your own body toughening up a bit, or if he’d held his strength back all the same.

“This is an order,” Angela placed a finger under your chin so that you’d look up at her, blinking in surprise. “Do  _ not _ let this happen again. Learn to walk away, lieb.” She held your gaze until you nodded in understanding, before dropping her hand bustling around you. “I’m going to give you a mild pain reliever so that those don’t bother you too much tonight, and I’ll be back in a couple of hours.” 

Though you’d never admit it, you were incredibly tempted to plead for her to stay when she started for the door. Instead, you moved to your dresser and dug out a shirt, pulling it on before you turned back to your commander, who was watching you intently. You noticed then, a faint, slightly paler line across his cheek, and you blinked a few times. Had you actually done some damage this time?

You probably shouldn’t have felt a small swell of pride in your chest, and you certainly hoped it didn’t show on your face. Once you were covered, he pushed off the wall and strode towards your desk, Jesse stepping aside. You followed him, standing between the two of them; there was a permiable feeling of tension and you bit your lip. You’d probably  _ have _ to be the one to take the first step if Gabriel didn’t, at this point.

It was too bad you hadn’t thought about this outcome in regards to telling Jesse what had happened.

As he started to sort out the papers he’d brought with him, you realized Gabriel was setting your contract out, with a few new papers on top. “With your training satisfactory, it makes you an official, if rookie, agent. There are just a few changes that need to be made to address that; not much, until you’ve done a few missions. Morrison’s still taking his precautions.” He spoke in an uncomfortably professional manner, and despite how angry it had made you before, you were truthfully just too  _ tired _ after yesterday for it to get to you right now.

You signed what you needed to and let him collect the papers back, turning towards the door. He glanced back at Jesse briefly. “Don’t forget we need to meet and make sure everything’s fitted properly before the mission, McCree.” Jesse hummed in acknowledgement, and with a grunt Gabriel left your room again. Once the door was closed, you groaned and sank against your desk.

“Please, for the love of God, tell me you two aren’t gonna do that bullshit testosterone stand off stuff all the time,” You looked up to see Jesse’s expression turn surprised, though he laughed. He walked over to you, put his hands on your waist, and pulled you into a kiss.

“I won’t if he doesn’t. But to be fair, this time I’m gonna blame it on the fact that he walked in and we both had to deal with the fact that we’ve both been with the girl standing naked in the middle of the room. Kinda feels like a bit of a competition when he’s being a thick headed ass.” You couldn’t help but laugh, leaning into him for a moment. 

“I should probably go make sure everything’s good for tonight. That and I think I wanna be out of sight when Angie comes back. She might just kill me when she starts having to cover all that up.” He glanced to your neck - your t-shirt hid most of the marks he’d left, but you knew very well that your dress would not.

“See you in a few hours?”

“I can’t wait.” His eyes glimmered, he stole one last kiss, and with that slipped out, leaving you alone in your room to let the anxiety of your first mission wash over you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hmm kinky stuff.  
> I hope you guys enjoy, and I'll put a warning on the top as usual but I'm also gonna say now  
> The next chapter's gonna be kinda heavy.


	9. Blackwatch Days (Part 9) Almost Without A Hitch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _Warning!_  
>  Date rape drugs, attempted sexual assault/rape

Tonight, your worst enemy was anxiety.

You sat on the drop ship, your dress box in your lap and all your other odds and ends between your feet. Your makeup was done, for the most part, with only a few touch ups that would be needed upon landing. Angela, who was accompanying your group only for your sake at this point, sat beside you, fiddling with your hair every now and then and trying to help ease that anxiety.

Dr. Moira O'Deorain, who you’d met only a handful of times, had more or less secluded herself, with a package of her own sitting beside her and a datapad in hand. Across the dropship from you, Jesse and Gabriel sat huddled together, speaking quietly and you could only guess going over their own plans. At least personal issues wouldn’t jeopardize the mission.

The official plan was to get into the party under false names that had been registered. You and Jesse were going in under the shared surname Velan, while Gabriel and Moira would be using the name Steele. You had even suggested something of a first name, a callsign of your own for the time, Cienne. It was a reference to the french word for technician, which encapsulated your group of talents well enough. It’d been agreed to that it would work for missions.

You would land at the Paris base and switch to a vehicle escort, and you would all don your formalwear before the switch. Get into the party, get as much information as you could, and get out without incident. Your  _ personal _ assignment was to sneak into the host’s office and download any information linking the company to Talon, without getting caught. Your cloaking device was resting around your wrist, disguised to look like a delicate watch, and that would be your saving grace there. 

The unofficial plan boiled down to getting in and out alive, with as much data and as little collateral damage as possible. You really hoped the two plans would line up perfectly. But you weren’t entirely sure that was going to happen; after all, when did plans this big ever go off without a hitch? 

“It’s going to be fine,” Angela’s soft voice startled you out of your thoughts, as though she could read your mind, and she wound her arm around your shoulders. “This is a very low-risk mission, and we wouldn’t be sending you in if you weren’t prepared. The other agents will be there to fall back on if needed.” 

You swallowed hard, nodding in acknowledgement, and leaned into her touch a little bit. You felt the floor of the ship shudder, the sign that you had landed, and with your heart somewhere in your throat, you and Angela stood, slipping into a private area to change. It took a little bit longer than you would’ve liked, as when you stepped out of the makeshift dressing room, the ship was empty, the door standing open. Angela smiled softly and offered a hand to lead you out.

Your team turned to you as you stepped out, and you saw Jesse’s eyes go wide. Your cheeks flushed as you looked down, carefully making your way down towards them. Your dress was long, fitted to the waist and then fanning out in soft, flowy material a deep purple. The sleeves ended at your forearms in the same fashion, while your shoulders were bared and the neckline dipped in a low v between your breasts. Your heels were a complimentary dark cobalt, and you had silver and amethyst hanging around your neck. 

“...Wow.” You heard Jesse’s voice escape him softly and you tried not to laugh. Both he and Gabriel were dressed sharply in tailored suits, and you weren’t at all surprised to see Jesse still had his black cowboy hat, though you thought it may be just a little overly conspicuous. Still, he looked incredibly handsome and you felt your heart flutter a bit.

Gabriel took your breath away. You had to think that it had somewhat to do with a flash of memory. The suit fit him well, and his hair was straight, styled back and you couldn’t help the image of it mussed from your fingers. Between the two of them, you felt somewhat faint. This was going to be a little bit harder than you thought.

“You certainly are stunning, dear.” You turned to Moira and smiled, albeit shyly. She was done up in a fitted black dress, a slit up one side, and glittering jewels on her hands and around her neck. 

“As are you,” You returned; it was true enough, but still, she always held herself with such a severity that it made her seem uncomfortably unapproachable, and you weren’t even sure she wanted the compliment in return. You’d been informed that it was rather normal for her, that she felt little care for anything that wasn’t her work and was dismissive of anyone she thought less intelligent. At least that was the way most other people saw her. 

Jesse offered you his hand, helping you into the car to avoid any incidents with your dress, and once the four of you had settled in, you started off. It was only a short drive, and your team was relatively silent the entire time, though Jesse did lean in to your ear when he seemed to notice how tense you were.

“Everything okay?” He muttered softly, and you glanced up at him, smiling weakly. 

“I’m kind of terrified, and also vaguely uncomfortable in this. I’m sure it’ll be fine though.” You admitted, though you twisted your hands tellingly in your lap. You weren’t so sure, but you had to be, right? Jesse squeezed your hand gently. 

“You’re right, it will be.” He hummed, smiling faintly. “And you look incredible.” You chuckled softly, looking down, and fell silent for the rest of the drive. Once you arrived outside the mansion the party was taking place, you and Jesse moved to get out, only to have Gabriel’s arm across you, stopping you both as he caught Jesse’s forearm.

“Remember, we want to do this without incident, and we can’t afford to be on anything less than 100% of our game. Don’t take anything intoxicating offered to you. That includes booze,” You saw Jesse’s face sour slightly, and were surprised when Gabriel chuckled. “We’ll celebrate later when we pull this off.” 

He retracted his arm, and with anticipation and adrenaline zipping through your veins, you all stepped carefully out of the car. After your false names were assured to be on the invite list, you were lead into a beautiful ballroom crowded with important looking people. You did your best to remember Angela’s advice, and at the very least were able to push down your nervousness and look like you belonged there.

You spent a few hours at Jesse’s side, mingling, enjoying food and non-alcoholic drinks offered to you, and listening out for any telling information. All four of you were wearing bugs in strategically hidden places, and you knew soon enough that you were getting more than enough information. The company in question was an arms producer that was working to outfit Talon agents with the best, in return for..well, any number of services Talon provided, not the least of which was power.

Every now and then, you would hear muttered conversation between your team in your hidden earpiece, but you kept your focus for the most part on listening outside of it. It was better to stay focused, because when you were focused you carried yourself better and didn’t feel the nervousness creeping up on you. That and you could forget how incredibly out of your comfort zone you were.

You felt a hand on your waist, and glanced up to Jesse, who was smiling faintly. “May I have this dance?” He motioned lightly around and you realized that people had begun to pair off again as music started. Even as you took his hand and placed your other on his shoulder, you groaned softly.

“What?” Jesse’s tone was teasing near your ear. “I thought you liked dancing.” You were surprised at how well he led you, considering his own apparent feelings on the matter, and you rolled your eyes a little bit. 

“Yeah, when it’s in a bar and not super fancy.” You retorted, and he chuckled softly, pulling you a little closer. “Besides, I know how this stuff works, I don’t get to just dance with you. I have to deal with old men who don’t know where to put their hands to avoid getting stabbed.” This drew out a laugh and you smiled, the sound easing your nerves a little.

“Try not t’do that,” He mused against your ear, keeping his voice low so only you would hear him. “Remember, as little collateral damage as possible.” You smiled faintly and squeezed his shoulder lightly.

“Fine, but I reserve the right to slap someone if they get too handsy.”

As he led you around the floor, you were starting to gather “I don’t really dance” meant “I know how it just doesn’t happen often.” As expected, though, you didn’t get to stay with him for long, and you spend a fair bit of time switching hands. You noticed that Jesse was never too far away, though.

Eventually, you started to tire, though no one else seemed to; this just wasn’t your thing, really. You were debating slipping off to find the office and get done what you needed to when another pair of hands grasped your waist, familiar this time. You were lost in your thoughts enough that you followed the motions for a moment before finally looking up, Gabriel’s eyes catching yours as his fingers grasped yours.

Your heart skipped a beat but you tried to ignore it. The last time you’d been this close to him without emotions or hormones running high had been your pat down when you’d arrived six weeks ago. His expression was something you weren’t sure you’d seen in him before. Intense, searching, it made something in your chest ache. 

You didn’t know how long he led you around; you were impressed more by his skill than Jesse’s, this being one of the last things you’d think he’d have knowledge in. But you couldn’t look away from his eyes; his expression stayed set, serious, and it felt like he was burning a hole right through you. He opened his mouth after a while to say something, but your heart was racing too fast and you felt muddled by the feeling stirring inside you. You pulled away before he could speak.

“E-excuse me,” You stammered, breathlessly, lifting the skirts of your dress enough that you wouldn’t trip as you wound your way out of the crowd to find somewhere to collect your thoughts.

“Cienne?” Jesse’s voice crackled in your earpiece, though for a moment you didn’t think to respond, as you had yet to hear any of them use the callsign. Your name was softer, and it startled you.

“I’m fine,” You whispered back, “Just don’t have all night.”

At least it was an excuse to get away from the crowd. You found a bathroom that was relatively empty, and took a moment to calm your heart. Once you felt like you could breathe normally again, you glanced around yourself and, realizing there were a few others milling around, slipped back outside. The hallway was empty, and thankfully, dimly lit. Your thumb found the activation button on your cloak, a field generated around you that, granted you kept to the shadows, would make you nearly invisible. You slipped your shoes off to avoid making noise, and after taking a moment to mentally map where you were, started making your wait to the main office. 

Every now and then, you’d hear the footsteps of a wandering guest, or the very soft sounds of an omnic butler, and be forced to press yourself to the wall or a corner to stay shadowed, but eventually, you found the office and, with a deft hand, disarmed the alarm and slipped inside. It was completely deserted, the only light you saw the small red light that indicated the computer on the desk was turned off. 

In your element here, you slipped behind the desk, retrieved a data drive from a small pocket strapped - along with your revolver - to your thigh, and started your search. It didn’t take long to find what you were looking for; multiple communications locked away behind firewalls, as well as a contract to Talon. However, the amount of data you retrieved didn’t take up nearly as much space as you had, and you couldn’t pass up this chance.

You found the records of their newer mods, designs for a plethora of yet-to-be-seen weaponry, and even a few vehicle blueprints you thought would be useful. You didn’t realize you’d spent so much time, but when you heard the doorknob start to turn you cursed, pulling your drive free and quickly putting it away, reaching for your cloak when a figure slipped inside. It was Gabriel, and he turned to look at you.

“You realize if you stay gone forever they’re going to notice, right?” He snapped, his voice hushed, and you felt relief flood through you. You straightened your dress a bit as he locked the door back, assumedly so someone passing wouldn’t notice, and walked closer. “What the hell is taking you so long?”

“I found some extra stuff,” You replied, tone just as quiet, dropping your voice further once he was closer. “If we can get it all out there before they do, we might be able to stop them from putting it into Talon’s hands--”

“That wasn’t part of the mission,” He reprimanded you, and you scowled. You opened your mouth to reply, only to hear the doorknob shifting again. Slipping your shoes on, you moved into action; making sure the computer was off again, you leaned against the side of the desk.

“Come here,” You hissed, grabbing the collar of his jacket and pulling him close. He caught your waist to keep from falling into you, giving a noise of surprise when you pulled his mouth to yours. His eyes had been alarmed, but when your lips met they slipped closed. He pulled you closer to him, and you slipped your hands around his shoulders, one trailing up and into his hair.

You’d forgotten what he tasted like; you couldn’t quite describe it, but it made your blood simmer. The kiss wasn’t like the others you’d shared; it was warm and soft, but just as hungry. You could feel his fingers digging into your waist as if he was afraid to let go. His other hand slid into your hair, the meticulous work Angela had put into it forgotten. 

And it all happened in a few seconds. The door opened, and you heard a soft, slightly mechanical “Oh!” as you jumped apart. You both glanced, wide-eyed, to an omnic hovering in the doorway. Though it was expressionless, you could still get a sense of sheepish surprise.

“I...apologize for interrupting,” The omnic said, with a low bow. “But the Master would advise against wandering too far from the ballroom.” You heard something else lower, ‘under his breath’ as it were, about someone being in trouble for not activating the alarms to this room. You felt a brief stab of guilt.

“R-right,” You stammered breathlessly; part an act, and part reality, as your heart was beating so hard in your chest you didn’t feel like you could get a proper breath in. “S-so sorry.” You straightened up, pushing against his chest gently, and slipped away, making a show of straightening your dress and fussing with your hair as you scurried past the omnic and started back for the bulk of the party. You heard the omnic give another apology to Gabriel, but didn’t bother to wait for him. 

You hadn’t expected that when you made the split-second decision to put on a show for whoever was about to catch you. After all, you knew well enough it wasn’t out of the ordinary for such things to happen, nor were affairs between high profile couples - which, you reminded yourself, your team was pretending to be. But you hadn’t expected the reaction your body gave, nor the reaction you got from him. 

As you made your way back into the brightly lit ballroom, Jesse caught your eye and quickly moved over to you. “What happened to your hair?” He asked quietly, and you took his hands when he made to grab for you. 

“Give me a little bit, please. I’ll explain in a while, I just need to calm down.” You spoke quietly and close to him, before pulling away and making your way to the bar. You knew you couldn’t get a real drink, but  _ something _ would do you some good. In the end you decided it would be best to just have a cold glass of water, maybe that would calm you down.

You sat at the bar for a little while, noting that the crowd had gotten a bit larger at this point, you suspected because you and Gabriel hadn’t been the only ones reprimanded for wandering off. An unfamiliar touch on your shoulder made you spin around and you found yourself looking up at a stranger, smiling lightly down at you. He was a tall man, with mousey sort of hair and a face to match. You felt his arm go around your shoulder and your eyes narrowed. 

“Bonjour, cherie,” His voice was unpleasantly gravely, and the accent he gave the words made it painfully obvious he wasn’t French. You narrowed your eyes and carefully shrugged his arm off of you.

“I would appreciate it,” You started, your tone delicate but emanating a soft danger, “If you didn’t call me love, as I am not your love.” He smiled down at you in a way that made your skin crawl, putting his hand back on your shoulder.

“You could be,” He prompted, and you rolled your eyes, shrugged him off again, and grabbed your drink, walking off. He followed you, but you slipped into the crowd and lost him, finishing your water and setting the cup down on a table before you went to find Jesse and Gabriel. You had done what you came to do, and you hoped they’d gotten a satisfactory amount of information themselves so you could leave.

You you wandered around for a little while, finding that they seemed to have disappeared. You did see Moira, but she was engrossed in a dance with another guest and you decided that until you’d found the others you wouldn’t bother her. You made your way to a less crowded corner to try and contact them over your earpieces, but before you could, the floor came out from under you.

You braced yourself against the wall as the room started to spin around you, your brow knitting together.  _ Shit.  _ You knew immediately what this was.  _ That fucking creep drugged me. _ You hadn’t been keeping a close eye on your drink when he appeared, more concerned with getting his hands off of you. Affirming your suspicions, he seemed to materialize within the blurring, spinning room, a nasty grin on his face.

“Uh oh, too much to drink?” He spoke with false concern, taking your elbows and bracing you against himself. “Tut, that won’t do. Come on, sweetheart, let’s get you somewhere to rest.” No one seemed to notice, or if they did, think anything of it but concern for an apparently intoxicated woman. You tried to argue, but all you could get out was a soft ‘nnnhh’, your tongue refusing to work. He led you away from the crowds, the only thing keeping you from falling over your own feet was his attentive grip keeping you upright.

He pulled you into a sitting room and led you to a couch, setting you down. You watched him go back to the door and presumably lock it, before he returned to you. “There now, isn’t that better?” You felt his fingers brush your jaw. You tried to move, but it was like your body was weighed down. The hand on your jaw trailed down, leaving an incredibly unpleasant crawling feeling in its wake, as he slid his fingers down the neckline between your breasts.

“Out of all the guests here,” He mused, leaning over you. “Who would’ve guessed we’d get such a royally dressed, pretty young thing. I didn’t know Vitro knew such esteemed, lovely little things…” You felt him start to push the dress to the side, fear pooling in your stomach. Your head shook, but it was as if you were moving through gallons of molasses, and all you could do otherwise was whimper.

His touch made your skin crawl, and you could feel him shifting your legs apart on the couch. The very last thing you wanted was this man touching you, but you also thought of the mission. Your wire was up your back, so he’d have to undress you to find that, but you had to worry about the pouch and revolver on your thigh that he was dangerously close to.

Suddenly you heard a click, and the man froze in his tracks. It took a moment for your mind to register what you were seeing. Gabriel stood with a gun to your attacker’s head, and you’d never seen a look of such pure hatred in his eyes before.

“Give me one good reason I don’t paint this room with the contents of your skull.” 


	10. Blackwatch Days (Part 10) Saviors and Callouts.

You weren’t sure if it was the drugs, the panic attack setting in, or a culmination of the two that was to blame, but you started to struggle with your breath. It felt like something heavy was sitting on your chest, compressing your lungs. Hearing your labored breathing, Gabriel’s eyes flickered towards you in concern.

As if in slow motion, you saw the man reach for his belt, and struggled to call a warning to Gabriel. However, in the same motion you heard the familiar sound of Peacekeeper cocking, and Jesse came into view, the muzzle of his gun touching to the man’s forehead.

“I wouldn’t do that if I were ya,” he drawled, a fire in his eyes the same as Gabriel’s. “Hands where I can see ‘em.” You saw the man’s Adam’s apple bob, his hands slowly raising to either side of his head. Gabriel’s eyes turned back to him, a low growl leaving his lips.

“I should take your head off your shoulders,” He growled, but you saw Jesse’s hand move to your commander’s forearm briefly.

“Gabe,” You had never heard Jesse use his first name, let alone a nickname, and you were a little surprised by that. “She can barely move. We fire on him, this whole place’ll turn into a warzone and we’ll lose every chance we have of getting her out safely.” 

“R-right! Gentlemen, we can settle this a-aimicably,” the man stammered, not quite cowed by both your saviors turning their eyes on him. “It’s just a misunderstanding, she had a little too much to drink and I was… I was trying to see if--”

“Keep talkin’, buddy,” Jesse growled dangerously, shifting his revolver from his forehead to tuck under his jaw, finger hovering near the trigger. “I never said I wouldn’t, I said it isn’t the best option right now.” He stuttered to silence, both men bearing down on him. “S’what I thought. Back away from the girl.” With both guns trained on him, the man rose to his feet and stumbled back, his hands still by his head. 

As he backed away, Jesse put himself between the two of you, glancing briefly towards Gabriel but assuring he kept his attention mostly on the man. “Get her outta here,” He ordered. You weren’t sure which surprised you more, that Jesse sounded so authoritative, or that Gabriel lowered his weapon, put it back in its holster under his suit jacket, and knelt beside you to listen. “Moira should be outside with the car.” 

You felt like your limbs weighed about a ton each, but Gabriel slipped his arms underneath you and lifted you with ease. He held you close to his chest, turned to him so that the state of your dress wouldn’t be obvious, and when you clung weakly to his shirt and whimpered, he pressed his cheek to your forehead briefly. “I’ve got you,  _ muñeca _ ,” He whispered for only you to hear.

As Gabriel turned to the door, you heard Jesse grunt, a sickening thud, and the sound of a body hitting the floor. Then he was close behind. While the sight of you certainly earned a fair amount of gasps and whispering through the other partygoers, no one seemed brave enough to stop the two furious men, one of whom was carrying a barely-conscious woman, to ask what was going on. As it were, you made it out to the car without incident.

“Is everything in order?” Moira’s cool voice came from somewhere you couldn’t see, and you heard Jesse grunt behind Gabriel, as he shuffled into the car with you. The way back to the drop ship was a blur, as you kept slipping out of consciousness only to be brought back by Gabriel’s low, rough voice. “Stay with me.”

You were so tired, and yet afraid to fall asleep; this kind of drug was one thing you’d never experienced, willingly or unwillingly, and you didn’t want to risk not waking up. It felt like no time at all before Gabriel was maneuvering you out of the car, with Jesse’s help, and starting for the drop ship.

“I thought we agreed on no…” Angela, who’d only at first noticed your form over his arms, started to speak disapprovingly until she noticed Gabriel’s expression, which was still hard and controlled, as if it were taking everything in him not to turn around and go back to finish the job. “Oh no…” 

“Is she…?”

“She’s alive, and as far as we can tell unhurt,” Jesse answered her, while Gabriel sat you down carefully and sat beside you, pulling you close to his side. “Drugged though. Some creep had his hands all over her when we caught up with them. Lucky Moira saw him dragging her off.” Angela glanced at the blackwatch medic, unable to find her usual disapproval, and knelt beside you. You still weren’t entirely there, fading in and out, and when her slender fingers began searching for any injuries you whimpered and tried to squirm away, barely moving. Her fingers froze, but Gabriel pulled your head against his shoulder and pressed his lips to the top of it.

“S’okay, doll, it’s just Angela,” He murmured, and though the words didn’t entirely register, his voice soothed you enough that she could finish her quick examination.

“It didn’t look like he…?” She glanced to Jesse, her hands resting on the hem of your dress, asking without words if she needed to do a more thorough examination, be it here or once you’d arrived on base.  Jesse shook his head. 

“Didn’t have time, thank god.”

“And the culprit is…” She trailed off, her expression expectant. Jesse grunted this time.

“Bleeding and unconscious, but breathing.” 

“I should’ve shot him.” Gabriel’s voice came out lower this time, dangerous, and he squeezed you lightly again when you gave another frightened sound, quieting a little. Jesse took a seat across from you both, grunting faintly.

“Yeah. But if you had, she would have actually gotten hurt.” 

Silence fell over the ship, and after a quick check over and a few tests through Athena, Angela determined what had been used. She advised that Gabriel treat it like a very drunk person, to keep you on your side so that if you got sick, you wouldn’t choke on your own vomit. He kept you close, following her orders but refusing to leave your side, unbothered by the idea you may get sick  _ on him _ at any given moment. As things calmed, and it seemed that she had no fear of you falling asleep, your consciousness finally slipped away.

You weren’t sure if it was Jesse’s voice that woke you, as he quietly spoke your commander’s name, of if it was the noise that rumbled through his chest, against your ear, that came in response. You didn’t open your eyes - even the dim light of the dropship through your eyelids made your head pulse painfully - and you still felt like your limbs were too heavy, but you listened to the conversation that woke you.

“So, ‘doll’, huh?” Jesse grunted, Gabriel rolling his eyes slightly, though he looked away from Jesse. “When are you gonna grow a pair, admit you fucked up, and admit that you’ve got it just as bad as I do for her?” 

“This is  _ not _ the time for this, McCree.” Gabriel hissed, trying to keep his voice muted, unaware that you were already awake again. “And even if it was, I’m not the one here who lets his hormones control his behavior.”

“Right. That’s why you fucked her against your office window, then turned around and emotionally shut her out the next day without an explanation?” Across the ship, Angela sputtered on the drink she’d been taking, spitting it across the floor.

“I’m never going to be able to have a serious conversation in that office again.” She muttered, while Jesse had to suppress a laugh as she made to clean the result of her spit take.

“Sorry Angie.” 

Gabriel had leveled him with a cool glare, and he returned it with a neutral expression of his own. “What do you know?” Gabriel snapped, and Jesse rolled his eyes.

“One, that you sound like a fourteen year old right now. Two, that I’m not fuckin’ blind, anyone that saw you before and after can tell you started closing off. Three, that it bothered her enough she went full tilt at your fuckin’ head and floored you. And four, what I saw a couple of hours ago wasn’t a protective commanding officer.” 

Gabriel’s chest burned with irritation, not because Jesse was talking shit, but because he’d been obvious. Damned if he’d explain that to Jesse, though, and truthfully he was too ashamed to talk to you about it either. Feelings weren’t a problem for him before.

“Face it,” Jesse leaned back in his chair, pulling a cigar from the inner pocket of his suit jacket, and after lighting it placed it carefully between his lips, ignoring the scowl he was getting from Angela. “Somethin’ about her got to ya. The intelligence and promise, the recklessness, the fact that you could bear down on her and she’d stare right back like it didn’t phase her at all, even when you could see it in her eyes, you scared the shit out of her.” There was a faint tick in his jaw as Gabriel tried to keep his expression in check, despite the fact that Jesse was essentially ticking off a mental checklist in his mind.

“I get it.” Jesse leaned forward again, elbows on his knees. “It’s what drew me in too. We’re just different people, and our friendship developed differently. But it was all that that started it. But you didn’t like to admit you had it for her. Tiny recruit with a firecracker attitude. Wanted to believe it was just the fact you hadn’t gotten laid in a while. She got the balls to take a swing at you, and the damn broke, but once you realized it was a lot more than the fact she got you hot and bothered, it scared you.”

“Enough.” Gabriel glared again, while Jesse seemed pleased with the fact he’d hit the nail on the head. “Just because you think you’re right doesn’t mean you are. And it’s none of your business, either way.” 

“It is when she makes it my business.”

“Why?” Gabriel snapped, his temper starting to get the better of him. “‘Cause she’s your girlfriend or something? Doesn’t mean you get to try and play shrink.”

“Not yet,” Jesse chuckled faintly, seeming to enjoy the fact he was getting a rise out of the other man. “But that particular conversation, and the things surrounding it, are definitely not a conversation to have around an audience.” He tilted his head, expression going calculating, swiping his bottom lip with his thumb.

“But she’s my best friend, and she’s been in pain. And I’m not as fuckin’ oblivious as you are.” He shifted, and leaned closer, lowering his voice a little. “What I saw earlier wasn’t just a commander protecting his agent, and it wasn’t a random good samaritan stepping in on an assault. Trust me when I say I hate guys like that as much as the next, and they deserve a bullet to the brain. But the way you looked? It was how I felt. It was ‘you have your hands on my woman and I’m gonna rip you limb from limb.’ Look me in the eye and tell me I’m wrong, commander.”

He couldn’t. He wanted to. He hated the idea that Jesse had hit every nail on the head, effectively sealing his coffin. He glanced down at you, apparently still sleeping peacefully against his side, and felt a pull in his chest. He opened his mouth to say something, but cut short as the ship shuddered with landing.

Without another word, you felt his arms curl beneath you and he lifted you back into his arms, striding silently off the drop ship and towards your room, with Jesse still on his heels but pressing no further. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I reaaally wanted to keep up with 1-2 chapters a day (at least til my classes start), but yesterday was Rough.  
> Also this one was a little short, but I hope the beginning of some resolutions makes up for that.  
> <3 And as always thank you so much for your comments and everything, I'm thrilled you're enjoying reading as much as I am writing this.  
> Also a bit more omnipotence in this one, for obvious reasons.


	11. Blackwatch Days (Part 11) Admissions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *throws fluff*

You didn’t remember falling asleep again. You barely remembered being carried to your room. Had you fallen asleep on the way here? You’d have to ask. But the next thing you felt was the semi-soft fabric of your bedcovers against your bare shoulders, and an uncomfortable pressure against your back. You weren’t sure what time it was, how long you’d been back at base, or if you were even sober yet. 

You also weren’t aware that you hadn’t been alone for a second. As you whined, rolled onto your side and struggling to reach back and disconnect the wire that was sorted up the back of your dress, you heard Jesse’s voice give a soft ‘Hey.’ as you heard the scrape of your desk chair. 

Sooner than Jesse could’ve gotten to you without tripping, however, you felt a pair of hands still yours, before carefully unzipping your dress and pulling the electronics free, setting them on the nearby bedside table. It was then that you realized your head wasn’t resting on your pillow, but in a lap, and you rolled back to look up. Gabriel met your gaze, his expression softer than you’d gotten used to seeing it. 

You felt a pull somewhere in your chest as the memory of the conversation you’d listened in on flitted through your mind. You were glad that you remembered it. You weren’t entirely so glad you remembered the rest of the incident. 

Another hand drew your attention, Jesse’s resting on your arm, and his gaze was searching. “How’re ya feeling, darlin’?” he asked, his voice soft and concerned. You blinked at him a few times, still a little bit muddled, then reached up to pinch the bridge of your nose.

“Like my head’s going to explode.” You muttered, before pausing and then letting out a huff. “Hungover.” You flopped back down, your cheek against Gabriel’s thigh, and let out a heavy groan. You didn’t stay down too long, sitting back up and reaching for your dress. You pulled the strap holding your gun holster and the drives off and tossed them to the end of your bed, before relaxing back.

“I’ll go see if Angie’s got anythin’ for ya,” He muttered as he stood. You felt Gabriel stiffen slightly, but paid it no mind, and Jesse either didn’t notice, or didn’t care either. He leaned down, cupping your face, and pressed his forehead to yours. “I’m glad you’re okay.” He pressed a kiss to your lips, then stood and walked out of your room, leaving you and the Commander alone.

You stayed laying like that for a while, before slowly pulling yourself up. Just moving made your stomach turn, and your temples throb, but you forced yourself through it. Leaning your back against his side, he surprised you a little when he draped his arm across your torso, hand resting on your stomach. You wrapped your arms around his, knees pulled up slightly, and rested your forehead against his upper arm.

You sat in silence like that for a while, waiting for Jesse to return. It was taking him far longer than you knew was necessary, and apparently Gabriel picked up on it as well. He sighed, shifting his weight, but didn’t try to pull his arm free or move away from you. You held onto him a little bit tighter all the same. Leave it to Jesse to force this when he knew Gabriel wouldn’t leave you right now.

“So…” You started, because clearly he wasn’t going to. “For all the complaining you did...you never actually told Jesse he was wrong.” You felt him stiffen, his fingers curling against your stomach as he grew tense, but held on to him all the same, keeping your cheek against his arm and staring ahead at the door.

“You were awake for that.” It wasn’t a question, and to your surprise he didn’t sound particularly annoyed. He sounded tired; as tired as you felt, despite having been sleeping for god knows how long. You nodded silently against his arm, shifting and pushing yourself just a little bit closer to him. He tightened his hold in turn.

“So...was he? Wrong?”

You felt the sigh more than you heard it, his chest lifting and dropping drastically, and he muttered your name faintly. “This really isn’t the time. You’ve been through some shit tonight, I don’t--”

“When will it be the time, Gabe?” You snapped, surprising yourself. You felt your eyes burn as tears welled up, and your nails bit lightly into his forearm as you tensed up. “Because as far as you’ve shown me, if we don’t talk about this now, we never will. And I…” You paused. You knew you had to force this conversation, and yet guilt made you stop briefly. Was it wrong to guilt him into it? Or threaten him, as it were?

“And you what?” He murmured, his voice a little lower. You bit your tongue, but couldn’t stop the hiccup as tears started to fall. You were glad you were facing away from him. Your chest ached, and you wanted nothing more than to just cling to him and forget about it.

“And I don’t think I can stay on your team if you’re going to keep this up.” Your voice shook, if only just, and you felt him tense again, though this time he seemed to pull you just a little bit closer. You pressed your cheek to his arm again. “It hurts. You’re not the first person to decide that you just wanted a night… and God knows you’re not the first to think just pulling away  _ helped. _ And I know these sorta things don’t usually happen in a few weeks, but it feels like it’s been so much longer.” 

You felt him sigh again, his head resting against the back of yours. “Guess that’s what happens when you’re around each other for 18 hours a day for days on end.” Despite your tears, you smiled faintly. Well, he wasn’t wrong, at least.

“I think...I’d have been okay with it just being a night if...if you’d just talked to me. I  _ hate _ when people treat me differently for silly reasons… If you’d just told me that’s what you wanted.” You tried not to let your voice waver too much with the emotion in it, but it didn’t seem to hide much from him, as he shifted his grip on your waist and pulled you into his lap. You refused to look at him, still holding onto his arm, and instead buried your head against his shoulder.

You weren’t actually sure you’d have been okay, not right away, but it would’ve been better than not knowing and than being given the cold shoulder. 

“When I found you and Jesse,” Gabriel started, his cheek resting against your temple. His beard was a bit rough against your skin but you didn’t mind. “I wanted to tear him a new one. Tried to convince myself it was my impatience with you, but…” He sighed, and you were glad he couldn’t see the faint smile on your lips. You shouldn’t have felt pleased that he was admitting jealousy. 

“I hate having to admit this,” You pulled back, finally, to look up at Gabriel, who reached a hand up to brush away the tears still staining your cheeks. “But he  _ was  _ right. There’s something about you, you’re driven and stubborn and even when you’re shaking like a leaf, you stare me down like you’ve never been afraid of anything in your life.” He sighed softly, and you leaned into him again, but this time kept your chin tilted up so you could look at him. 

“I thought it was just… I thought maybe I just wanted to break that. Wanted to see you fall apart, in a way. Lose that composure and become something malleable, soft in my hands. You drove me fucking insane. I’ve wanted you from the first day.” He shifted a little bit. “And then you had the absolute gall to swing at me. It’s been years since someone’s been brave enough to do that,” He chuckled, and you smiled faintly, though you could still remember the immediate fear after you’d done it. “I lost it, and part of me still feels guilting for that, but then I had you in my office and you were so scared, but you still… tried to keep it all up. And the way you reacted when I touched you or cornered you…”

You shifted this time and hid against his neck again,  _ feeling _ the vibration of his voice as he continued. “I thought getting what I  _ thought _ I wanted would be enough. That you might not get under my skin so bad and I could focus on doing my job. Up until you walked to the door, then turned around with that ridiculous smile and asked about our ‘subordinance talk’. It was like a punch to the gut; you were too much, and I wanted to drag you right back into my office. That’s never been a feeling I’ve had in my life, and it scared the hell out of me. So I forced myself to focus and distance myself, but watching you bristle and fume any time I spoke to you killed me.” He started to rub his hand over your back, bare as he hadn’t re-zipped your dress.

“If it bothered you so much,” You shifted and sighed. “Why didn’t you just talk to me about it then? Why’d you make us both suffer?” You felt him give a soft, barely-audible, but bitter laugh.

“I saw you and Jesse getting closer. I figured it would help me get over whatever was in my head. Thought maybe I could go back to normal once you weren’t a choice. It just made me angrier.” His forehead came to rest on your shoulder and you wanted to shift around so you could hold him, but he was holding you too tight, so you settled for slipping your fingers into the hand across your front and squeezing it then. “And I could see it was causing issues with the two of you too. I figured me butting in would make it harder.”

To your own surprise, you pulled a hand free, lifted it, and gave him a good smack across the back of his head, making it shoot up and he looked at you in shock. You leveled him with a stare of your own. “Reyes, you’re a fucking idiot.” 

He laughed, shaking your body slightly in the process. “On that,  _ mi amor, _ we can agree.” He relaxed a little, impulsively leaning in to kiss you, a soft, sweet, if brief kiss that you leaned into happily. “Today has been...a confusing day.” He admitted, sighing again. You gently prised his arm off of you, shifting around so you could face him, and cupped his cheeks.

“Tell me what’s been on your mind, then.” You pressed, and he wound his arms around your waist. For a few moments, he just looked at you, and as if gathering his thoughts, before finally letting out a sigh.

“When I saw you this morning, and Jesse, and realized what...must’ve happened, I thought I was going to be sick. I was furious, but what right did I have to be? It didn’t help that seeing you like that gave me far too many memories. And then the kiss in the office… can’t say I’ve ever seen you that aggressive unless you’re trying to nail me in the face.” 

“That,” You interjected matter-of-factly, “Is because I wanted to smack you. I was still mad at you, and you were talking to me like a child again. But it was better that whoever walked in on us thought they were walking in on an affair, and not get any inclination of what actually happened in there.” He laughed again, nodding. 

“You’re right.” His smile faded, and to replace it came a dark look in his eyes. “Then Moira told us you’d been led off by a stranger. She said she’d seen him bothering you before, and that you looked ready to collapse. We found you and he…”

You pressed your thumbs to his jaw lightly, pushing his gaze to yours. “And you and Jesse saved me. Very likely saved my life, considering who knows what he would’ve done if he found the stuff hidden on me.” You murmured, leaning your forehead against his. He smiled, if a little angrily.

“I wasn’t concerned about the information. Or the mission at all. All I knew was that you were laying there, looked more afraid than I’d ever seen you, and could barely move. All I knew was he had his hands on you and I wanted to kill him for it.” He held you a little bit closer, and you remembered what Jesse had said in the ship. What, you were unaware, had finally broken Gabriel’s resolve.

“...Gabe?” You tipped your head a little to catch his gaze again, and he looked up questioningly. “Can we stop being strangers again?” Your eyes searched his, and he smiled slightly, kissing you softly.

“Yeah, I think it’s about time.” He pulled you into another kiss, your heart soaring, and you smiled as you sunk into it happily. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys enjoyed this and it made you feel as fuzzy as it did me!  
> Alright, so, I have a little, teeny problem.  
> I have an idea for the next chapter. I'm not sure how long it'll be, but it'll happen.  
> That being said, after that, I'm a little stalled on where to go. So I'd like some input from you guys.  
> There _Might_ be a NSFW scene with the three of them, but there also might not depending on how it plays out, so I'll be including that here. :P  
> Would you guys like a smut scene with the three of them? Would you like some more fluffy stuff (Feel free to suggest anything!), or would you prefer we get to modern-day?  
> You can comment, or if you're more comfortable, send me an ask [here.](https://hidemefromtheworldd.tumblr.com/ask) (warning, this a bunch of random bs and me being gross and mushy abt my bf, but it's the best place I can think of for y'all to contact me otherwise lol)  
> I'll try to get another chapter out tomorrow, but if it feels too short I might wait to see what your input is.  
> And as always, thank you so much for being here with me and reading my stuff ♥
> 
> Later editorial note, I think the reason I've hit this block is that pumping out chapters (of my own accord, ofc, I'm the one to blame here) burned me out slightly. So I'll probably slow down my output rate. Sorry about that (or you're welcome? I don't know, I am but a simple potato.)


	12. Blackwatch Days (Part 12) Agreements.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Smut  
> And fluff, of course.

“Finally got your shit together, Commander?” Jesse’s voice startled you both as the door opened, and he shuffled in carrying an armful of bags. You parted gently, still on Gabriel’s lap, and looked to him with a faint smile. While Gabriel grunted in his usual manner, he was still smiling, and you felt his fingers tighten a little on your hips. You knew there’d be a talk happening very soon, because you weren’t about to let them start stand-offs again. 

Jesse, to your slight surprise, didn’t seem at all concerned, though. You did suspect that had something to do with his knowledge of your own desires and his acceptance of the idea already, but it still caught you a little off guard that he didn’t seem bothered by the very small possessive display. He set two bags on the bed, after carefully moving your revolver and data drives to your dresser, and another on the floor beside the dresser.

“Food,” He pointed to the ones on the bed, “And some meds Angie sent back. And clothes for you and I, Gabe, when we wanna get out of this nonsense,” He motioned to his suit, while at the same time sitting on the bed beside you both, leaving just enough room for you should you decide not to stay on Gabriel’s lap. 

Which you did, climbing off of him gently with another soft kiss and planting yourself comfortably between them, dragging one of the bags towards you. You were starting to realize that even with how ill you felt, you were still hungry, and you could only hope whatever Angela had sent would help. It happened to be a bottle of gold-ish liquid, the color swirling around when you pulled it out of the bag.

“Angie said that should help with both the headache and any residual nausea, too.” Jesse mused, as he watched you look at the mixture with fascination. As you started looking at the actual food in the bag, you couldn’t help but suspect this was definitely  _ not _ a menu the doctor approved; there was a selection of what looked like old style diner food, pizza, really just a little plethora of grease. Leave it to Jesse to go with an age-old - and disproven - hangover cure. You didn’t really have the heart to tell him that.

And it  _ did _ look good, even with how your stomach turned. So you popped open your drink, took a swig, and started sorting through to decide what you wanted to eat, shifting a big so that Gabriel could reach over and start looking as well. You felt incredibly comfortable and safe as the two of them reached around you - doing their best not to get in your way while you were still looking. 

“Is this what took you so damn long?” Gabriel asked, though he couldn’t quite hit the tone he wanted to and you had to hide a smile. You knew well enough he was aiming for more than mildly put off, but even with the uncertainty of the future hanging in the air around you, he couldn’t seem to quite bring himself to sound properly irritated.  _ You _ were trying to ignore that uncertainty, hoping to have some down time before you had to get into more emotional talks.

“Well, not really.” Jesse grinned as he sat back to start digging into his food. “I spent a while talkin’ with Angie, she asked some questions about what happened and wanted to look into...some things.” His pause, while making you curious, also encouraged you  _ not _ to ask, if it was to do with last night. “Then I had to get all this sorted out. I mean yeah, I took my time. Had t’give the two’a you some time to talk, didn’t I?”

“You’re a dick, y’know that?” Gabriel grunted faintly, and Jesse just laughed.

“Yep. A dick lookin’ out for the two’a you, ‘cause you’re about as thick headed as they come, Commander.” You busied yourself with your own food to hide your amusement as Gabriel grumbled something unintelligible beneath his breath.

Despite the fact that it was as unhealthy as you could possibly imagine, save perhaps for being  _ purely _ grease, the food  _ was _ pretty good. As such, silence fell as you all ate, the only sounds the shifting of packaging and occasional sighs of contentment. Luckily, the drink that Angela had sent did in fact do wonders for your head and stomach, allowing you to enjoy every bit.

Once you’d had your fill, you shifted the food from in front of you and slipped carefully off the bed. “You guys going to be alright alone if I go take a shower?” You asked, only half-teasing. You did sort of worry they’d get into it if you weren’t there to mediate, though they seemed calm  _ enough _ now. Jesse was the first to respond with a laugh.

“Promise, darlin’, no stand-offs this time.” He winked when you turned to him, though Gabriel looked briefly confused. Still, he smiled lazily, stretched out a bit and leaning into the wall with his arms crossed.

“Just discussions, I’d bet.” He mused, and you felt a slight flutter in your chest. You leveled the both of them with a warning look that, as per usual, did little more than make their grins widen.

“No serious discussions without me here.” Though you made an attempt at sounding demanding, your commander laughed all the same.

“No promises,” He mused, raising a hand when you placed your hands on your hips and leveled him with a scowl. “But no serious discussions in which the outcome involves you, unless you’re involved in the discussion as well.” Your shoulders sagged a little and you sighed.

“Good enough,” You grumbled a little, knowing he was just trying to get to you, and picked up the skirts of your dress so you could get into the bathroom without tripping over it, letting the door shut behind you. At least, you could admit, they were willing enough to joke with you without making it into a competition, it seemed. 

Finally, after far too long wearing the thing, you let the dress slide off your shoulders and onto the floor, sighing softly as you did. As you looked into the mirror, you realized that you still felt quite  _ wrong. _ As your eyes skimmed over your own bare skin, the stomach ache had nothing to do with lingering intoxicants in your body, but instead the memories that lingered. A stranger’s hands on your skin while you were helpless to stop it. The fear of worse happening when you were caught with things you shouldn’t have.

“Gabe and Jesse are right outside,” You muttered to yourself, forcing your eyes from the mirror to turn the shower on. “Nothing’s going to happen.” After a few moments of waiting, with the water heated to as hot as you could stand, you stepped in to try and wash away the disgust and fear. And try you did. By the time the water ran cold, your skin was red and tender from the heat and intensity with which you’d scrubbed it. 

You stepped out of the shower, sighing heavily, and wrapped a towel around yourself. You wanted desperately to forget everything that had happened in the last ten, twelve hours. You hadn’t actually checked the time when you woke up, and you didn’t know how long you’d been at the party before everything happened. All you knew was that when you woke, it was still dark outside your window. 

You stepped back into your room in your towel, moving to the dresser to find something to wear, with a glance in the direction of your bed. Both Jesse and Gabriel had stopped talking when you stepped out, and you noticed they’d changed as well, now in generic loungewear, t-shirts and sweatpants. You smiled slightly at them, but kept your expression turned mostly away, trying to avoid letting them see the discomfort in your expression.

You probably should’ve known better. You heard the bed shift, and felt Jesse’s hands on your hips gently. Giving a faint sigh, you leaned into his touch a little. “You alright, hon?” He murmured into your ear, and you sighed softly, shaking your head a little bit. He frowned a little, and Gabriel stepped up beside you both, his hand sliding over your front. You felt Jesse shift a little, to give him more room. “Anything we can do?” 

“Distract me?” You sighed, closing your eyes and leaning into the two of them. You hadn’t really thought about how that sounded until you felt Jesse’s chuckle against your back, and he gave a thoughtful sound.

“Sure about that,  _ muñeca?” _ Gabriel’s voice sent a shiver down your back, and you felt Jesse’s grip tighten a little, like he was trying to steady you. 

“I-I didn’t mean…” You trailed off faintly. You hadn’t really  _ meant _ it like that, but your mind drifted faintly. You knew it wasn’t unusual for some people to shy away after ordeals like yours or worse, and some to dive straight into it. When you thought about staring in the mirror and still  _ feeling _ like your skin was crawling, you felt like their touch could overshadow it easily. Make you forget it and replace the discomfort with something so much better.

“A-actually…” You felt your cheeks start to heat up, glancing up to Gabriel who’s brow was raised. His lip tipped up into a slight smirk, and he reached up. Your heart quickened slightly when his fingers brushed your throat, but he simply curled two under your jaw and tipped your head up, capturing your lips in a kiss while Jesse’s hands carefully and gently pulled your towel apart. His lips found your neck while Gabriel’s hand cupped the side of your face, kissing you deeper and drawing out a soft whimper. Jesse’s breath was warm as he spoke, and if your head wasn’t getting just a little fuzzy from a lack of air you might’ve laughed when the two of them seemed to be speaking together.

You also might’ve suspected they’d been planning this.

“If you feel like stoppin’ at any point, darlin’--”

“--Speak up, right away. Got it?” Gabriel’s voice was low and rough as he almost growled into your lips, Jesse smirking against your skin, and you shuddered slightly when you were exposed to the cold air. Your skin still felt a little raw from the heat and scrubbing, but when Gabriel’s hand return to your stomach it was a comforting sort of intensity.

“An answer, please,” Gabriel rumbled, and for a brief moment you were sent back to one of the first times he triggered that rather confused attraction mixed with fear, before you were willing to admit it did anything to you. You took a deep breath, feeling his fingers curl against your stomach slightly, Jesse’s keeping steady on your hips.

“Yes sir,” You finally gave breathlessly, smirking faintly at the way his eyes darkened slightly in response. He leaned in, kissing you again hard, and you whimpered softly only to moan into his mouth when Jesse’s teeth sank gently into the soft, sensitive flesh at joint of your neck and shoulder. You almost hated that Gabriel chuckled softly into your kiss. Almost. Instead it just sent more heat over your skin and you felt yourself sink into the two of them slightly. 

They seemed to be working so in tandem, part of you wondered if they’d planned this. Or at least planned to start it. Jesse’s hands slid forward over your hips and started up your body, brushing your ribs just enough to make you twitch and whimper from the tickle, to cup your chest and tease your nipples, kneading softly. At the same moment, with one hand still holding your cheek, Gabriel’s other slid down your stomach between your thighs. Grinding the heel of his hand gently against your clit while his fingers teased your hole.

This wasn’t fair. You were naked and exposed and neither of them were as easy to access, especially when Jesse shifted to lift your arms a little, his underneath yours and still teasing you. You pouted, if only slightly, into Gabriel’s kiss, as this meant you couldn’t reach for either of them the way you wanted to. To their credit, they were trying to make you forget that disappointment. Gabriel gave you only enough time to breathe every little while before he’d reclaim your mouth, his fingers finally sinking into you and making you shudder. Jesse’s mouth was littering marks all over your neck and shoulder, biting down like he was marking territory at times.

With one hand on Gabriel’s wrist, the other on Jesse’s forearm, you whimpered and squirmed between them, all while they claimed your body in different ways. Gabriel’s fingers pumping into you, his palm rubbing against your clit, Jesse’s hands tweaking and pulling your sensitive nipples and breasts. You were finding it hard to breathe, even when Gabriel finally gave you a break and instead started kissing down your neck opposite Jesse. They were driving you crazy, but thankfully it was nothing but bliss - albiet frustrating bliss - and no lingering discomfort reared its head. 

You were just starting to see stars when Gabriel pulled his hand from between your thighs, noting the telling way your breath hitched and you started to whine louder still. You wanted to protest, but Jesse pulled your face around to kiss you hard, while Gabriel stepped away, smirking at how you trembled, to clear your bed of anything left over. Once the space was clear, Jesse shifted to sweep you up into his arms and carried you to the bed, laying you down gently. 

Both knelt above you, this time Jesse taking your mouth with his while Gabriel’s lips fell to your chest. You started to squirm quickly, still so sensitive, though neither was touching you where you wanted them to. Your mind muddled, you reached for both of them, and to your dismay they stopped you. 

“Not today,  _ mi amor, _ ” Gabriel hummed against your skin, as you twisted your wrist in his hold. “It’s all about you today.” His voice was a rough vibration, breath warm on your skin that already felt just a little too hot, and you whined. 

“Don’t you worry,” Jesse murmured against your lips with a smirk, while his fingers gently teased down your stomach, thumb brushing over your hip, but still not touching you where you needed him to. “We’ll get ours too. But all you need ta do right now is enjoy yourself and let us enjoy ya.” You swallowed hard but nodded; still they didn’t release you. 

At least not until Gabe passed the hand he was holding up to Jesse, who guided both above your head and with one of their ties, bound them. Tight enough you couldn’t pull them free, but not so tight it was uncomfortable to you. There was a brief moment of panic in your chest, but you quickly quelled it, remembering that you were safe here, that the moment you told them to stop they would and nothing bad would happen to you. It was this thought that made you lurch up a little, seaking Jesse’s mouth again, which he gave in to happily. 

“This  _ is _ where it gets unfair, though…” Jesse mused, his tone playful, as he looked up at your commander, who drew his attention away from your chest long enough to hum a question. “You’ve had two things here I haven’t.” You felt the heat of embarrassment being to climb up your neck again. Gabriel chuckled lightly, calloused fingers tweaking your nipples, and kept his eyes for the moment on Jesse.

“How’s that?” He mused, and you realized Jesse hadn’t said anything about how much you’d told him. This didn’t help your blush any, nor did Jesse looking down at you, locking eyes before he answered.

“You’ve tasted our girl,  _ and _ you’ve had her pretty little mouth…” He brushed his thumb over your bottom lip and you whimpered, trying to turn your eyes away but he held your chin just firmly enough you couldn’t break his gaze. “So how do we evenly decide who goes where?” 

At this, Gabriel laughed. “Really gave him the full rundown, did you?” He mused, and your eyes flickered from Jesse’s long enough to glance at him but quickly away, your face turning a darker shade of red. Again he chuckled, his fingers teasing, startling you a little bit as they slipped between your thigh to tease your folds. “Nothing says you can’t have both of those tonight.” He glanced up at Jesse and smirked faintly. “Why don’t you get settled here for now?” 

You weren’t sure you were entirely surprised that Gabriel felt so comfortable slipping into a leading role here. You also weren’t entirely sure whether you should chalk it up to his personality, or if you should - probably rightfully - assume this wasn’t, in fact, his first threesome. Not that it was  _ yours _ but the dynamics and situation here were  _ definitely _ new. 

Jesse smiled lazily as he stood off the bed and settled himself at the edge of it, pulling you closer. Still neither of them had disrobed at all, though you could very clearly see they were just as affected as you were. As Jesse knelt at the edge of the bed and pulled your legs over his shoulders, you whimpered in anticipation, while Gabriel shifted, on his knees beside you. You knew where this was going, and it did nothing to settle the feeling between your thighs. 

Thankfully, Jesse seemed to have grown a  _ little _ bit impatient. He wasted no time, gave no pretense; his mouth was on you as soon as he was settled comfortably, and you had to throw your head back, desperate to cover your mouth but unable to maneuver yourself quite yet. You cried out, while Gabriel’s fingers brushed through your hair. Jesse was relentless and determined, as if he’d suddenly decided they teased you long enough, his tongue dipping into you while his fingers found your clit. After Gabriel’s actions earlier, it took you no time at all to start seeing stars, crying out and arching your back off the bed as you came  _ hard _ . 

Jesse slowed once you started to thrash slightly, pulling back and slipping his fingers into you, his tongue taking their place on your clit as he lapped at you lazily, gazing up at you. Beside you, Gabriel hummed low in his throat, still petting your hair, waiting. Once your breathing calmed and your noises returned to soft, if continuous whimpers, he shifted his hand down, thumb brushing your bottom lip. 

“Open up,  _ muñeca,  _ be a good girl,” He mused, and your lips parted under his thumb. You watched as he took the waistband of his sweats and pulled them down, straining until his cock bounced free. He wrapped his fingers around his base as you turned your head towards him, bringing the head to your lips. Your tongue flicked out, as he held himself just within reach, giving little kitten licks to the head of his cock. Teasing him, but it was just enough. Slowly, he pushed himself into your mouth, revelling in the way your noises muffled, the way they  _ felt _ against him. He slid into your mouth until you couldn’t take anymore, then slowly - surprisingly gently - started to thrust into your mouth. Once he’d started a rhythm, Jesse redoubled his efforts. Your fingers curled around the loose ends of the tie currently binding your wrists, though you couldn’t get leverage enough to free them, and you moaned as he used your mouth, as Jesse assaulted your core with pleasure.

As you felt the coil of heat begin to tighten again, you whimpered and moaned muffledly, lips soon becoming a mess of drool as his pace picked up. You could taste his precome dripping onto your tongue every time he pulled back and you would suck your cheeks in, making him moan low. Still his hand pet through your hair, praising you in actions with how well you were taking this. As your eyes started to roll, he held still again, his cock twitching and leaking onto your tongue. Smiling lustfully when your cry was muffled by him this time. Jesse brought you over the edge, coming onto his fingers as he continued to work you over until you were a trembling mess. You could just barely glance down to see him watching you intently. 

Once you could collect yourself enough to do so, you started to move your head, sucking around Gabriel’s cock, only to have him pull from your lips with a lewd sound. You whined, loudly, without shame, as he again denied you a second time of tasting him and being able to watch him come undone. He grinned, shifting back and leaning over you to kiss you. You were still squirming as Jesse hadn’t quite  _ stopped, _ and he placed a hand on your pelvis, not stopping him but still your hips. 

“Soon, baby, but not now. That’s not for me tonight.” He all but  _ purred _ against your lips. When he pulled back, he gently slid his hand up, shifting your arms down so you could hold them to your chest, and then under your back to sit you up, prompting Jesse to finally pull away. He guided you to your feet, Jesse also standing, and smirked slightly as you wobbled and fell into the younger man slightly. He shifted, then sat himself down on the bed, laying on the bed and looking up, reaching for you. “Come here baby,” He growled softly, and with Jesse’s help you straddled his hips, his hands on your waist for the moment. Your bed was low enough that, when you glanced sideways at Jesse standing close, you found you were just the right level. You whined as you realized what was about to happen.

“T-there’s no way I’m gonna be able to focus with both of you using me…” You warned, voice a soft whimper, and Gabriel laughed. He shifted his hips, reaching down to line himself up, and pulled you down onto his cock with ease. You tipped your head back and moaned loudly as he stretched you, holding you as far onto him as he could. 

“Don’t you worry; like we said, we’re the ones doing the work tonight. Just make sure we can hear how much you’re enjoying it.” Gabriel mused, reaching down to rub your clit. This made your hips buck and you gyrated your hips a little, lifting up. As you did, he followed, starting a slow, shallow pace and bouncing you on his cock. You felt Jesse’s hand card into your hair, gripping the back of your head, and you turned your attention to him, whimpering softly. 

Similarly, he’d bared himself, and as you turned, pressed the head of his cock to your lips. However, when your lips parted, he didn’t slip in immediately; instead, he teased around them, letting you lap at him with your tongue. While Gabriel seemed  _ purely _ action, both in need and praise, Jesse - you’d almost forgotten - was all about words. His thumb stroked your jaw as he teased you, while Gabriel started to pick up his pace a little bit, bouncing you a little harder, earning little yips.

“Does he feel good, kitten?” Jesse mused down to you, and you were surprised at how your body reacted to that particular nickname. Gabriel’s head fell back against your bed and he gave a particularly hard thrust, jostling you slightly, when you squeezed around him. 

“She liked that,” He growled, laughingly, and you blushed deeply. Gabe’s hands took your hips, holding you up slightly so he could fuck into you roughly, and you moaned pleadingly. “Answer him, babydoll,” He growled softly.

“Nnnh! Fuck!” Immediately your voice spilled forth. “S-so… so good… fuck, but-- J-jesse, stop teasing me…” You tried to take him into your mouth, leaning to him, wishing desperately that you could grab his hips and pull him close when he pulled back with a laugh. It was low and sent chills straight through you. Unfortunately, your position didn’t give you much space to turn and grab for him with your bound hands, especially when Gabe continued to alter his pace and send you off balance on way or another. 

“What is it ya want, kitten?” He prompted, as he again swiped himself along your lips and tongue but didn’t let you go further. You whined and looked up at him with wide, desperate eyes; you could see the way his cock twitched when he took in your expression. “Talk to me, baby.” 

“Please, I wan- wanna taste you, want your cock in my mouth, Jesse please,” You whimpered, and almost before you’d finished he slipped past your lips and into your mouth, muffling the resulting moan. They were both distinctly different in taste and feel, and you loved them both. As Gabriel’s pace picked up, he reached down to start rubbing your clit with his thumb, while Jesse used your mouth almost with abandon. He wasn’t too rough, but he certainly wasn’t gentle, and your body jerked slightly in protest as he tested your limits. 

It didn’t make you enjoy it any less, all the same. Jesse growled as you moaned and whined into him, his hand tangled in your hair and guiding your head with his thrusts. “Listen t’you,” He mumbled, biting his lip and watching you. His eyes flickered from watching the way his cock passed your lips, to the way your tits bounced while Gabriel fucked you, even watching the way you took Gabriel’s cock so easily. “ _ Look _ at you. So fuckin’ gorgeous, I knew I’d love it… You gonna come for us?” You started to shake and tremble, and Gabriel redoubled his intensity, shifting a little to change his angle and start to abuse your gspot with his thrusts. 

You nodded in response to his thrusts, and even with your current position Gabe sat up a little, his arm around your hips as he fucked you harder, his lips on your shoulder as Jesse used your mouth. “Come for us,  _ muñeca,  _ come on my cock,” He growled into you. Your cry was muffled and garbled, and as Gabriel pulled you hard into him, your hips flush to his as you came and felt him coming with you, Jesse pulled back a little. 

He watched your face as he started to twitch tellingly, pulling back but stopping when you followed and whined in protest. Instead spilling over your tongue, holding there for a moment before impulse got the better of him and he pushed into your mouth again, as far as he could go as he came. Your room was filled with the sounds, your own muffled whines and moans, Gabriel’s almost animalistic growls and Jesse’s own groans as they emptied themselves into you. 

Swallowing slowly as Jesse pulled out, your tongue swiping over him to ensure you got everything, you slumped when Gabriel’s grip loosened. He untied your hands, and you leaned into him heavily, looking up at Jesse, who was grinning faintly and still breathing hard. Without pulling out, Gabriel shifted further towards the wall, giving Jesse space, and rolled you onto your sides, so that Jesse could press into your back and effectively wrap you in their warmth entirely.

You were silent for a while, except the sounds of you all catching your breath and the soft noises you’d make when Gabriel shifted slightly and caused a bit more stimulation. Jesse peppered kisses over your shoulders and the back of your neck, and you kissed lazily at Gabe’s throat as well. However, after a short while, Gabriel spoke.

“I think…” He started, with a low rumble, both you and Jesse glancing at him. “That we need to have that important discussion.” While Jesse hummed faintly in agreement, you went as red as a lobster and tucked your head into his chest. 

“Do we  _ have _ to have that conversation while I’m...full of you?” You muttered, Jesse laughing and running his hand over your hip and thigh while Gabriel pet over your side, chuckling as well.

“While we’re vulnerable, here, and before any of us -myself foremost - has the chance to overthink this and fuck it up? Yes, even if you’re full of my cock.” He jerked his hips a little, making you whine from the stimulation, before settling and gathering you closer to his chest, all the while shifting closer to Jesse. You noted neither seemed bothered by touching each other like this, arms crossing over each other as they held you between them. You were glad for that.

“So…” Jesse hummed, resting his chin on your shoulder slightly so he could look at the both of you. “I know where I stand, but what about the two’a you?”

“Where exactly is it you stand?” Gabriel mused back, and you bit your lip as you glanced at Jesse, curiously.

“Wouldn’t be the first time I’ve heard’a polyamory. Might be my first time participatin’, but I’m willin’ to make this a thing… y’know, officially. All three’f us.” He kissed your jaw lightly and Gabriel chuckled faintly. 

“And you,  _ muñeca _ ?” he mused, but you shook your head. 

“You first. I don’t want my answer influencing yours.” You prompted, and he hummed, leaning down to kiss you softly. 

“Well, I have to be clear that I don’t think anything will happen with us,” He looked to Jesse, “Without her in the middle. No offense, you’re just not the type of guy I’d go for alone.” You were a  _ little _ surprised to see that he wasn’t teasing in any way. You hadn’t actually gathered him to be interested in men, but somehow it still didn’t entirely catch you off guard. And you knew that after the things that had happened in the last month, you shouldn’t be surprised he was entirely serious in his answer. 

“Same here, Commander, no offense taken or meant,” Jesse assured with a laugh. Gabriel smiled, warmly; you kind of liked the way the afterglow changed him. He was a little softer, a little less gruff, and while he was always genuine there was a sweetness to it that you weren’t used to. Not that you didn’t enjoy the rougher side of him, but this was...nice.

“Then I’d have to say the same. I’m willing to give this a shot.” You felt your chest tighten a little, not from pain or sadness, but from a surprisingly overwhelming joy. You shifted a little, grabbing Jesse’s hand so you could bring it closer to you as you nestled into Gabriel’s chest.

“You two mean far more to me than I ever expected. I don’t want to lose either of you.” You gave as your answer, and you felt them hold you tighter still then. You lifted your head, kissing Gabriel softly but intensely, and pulled away to twist your head around and pull Jesse into one just the same.

You couldn’t say it yet; the thought of  _ saying _ it, after only a month and a half, scared you, as you’d only felt this a few times in your life.

But you knew in that moment, surrounded by their warmth and clear adoration, you loved them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp, this wasn't quite what I had thought it'd be but I'm happy with it.  
> Classes have started again, so with that and my original slow-down ~~because holy crap I wrote a lot in a short amount of time~~ these updates may be a little more spaced, but I hope it's still worth it!
> 
> ♥♥♥


	13. The Fall

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this is a little short, a lot angsty, and a lot later than I intended to update.  
> Sorry about that; more at the end.   
> Enjoy?

For a long time, things went well.

You found your stride in Overwatch, your limits were lifted and you found that you enjoyed what you did. You didn’t see as many fields of combat as the other Blackwatch members, mainly because most of the time you could do your job remotely, and despite your progress you never really got as good as Jesse or Genji at the actual combat aspect. 

You preferred it; it was what you were used to in the military and it let you look out for them more diligently, when you weren’t watching your own back.

Your relationship flourished; a fact that, if you were entirely honest with yourself, surprised you. While Jesse and Gabriel butted heads often enough, it was never over you or your shared relationship. 

That isn’t to say it was  _ all _ smooth sailing, of course; you were stubborn and so was Gabriel, so you often butted heads yourself, and the fact you were regularly sleeping together definitely didn’t change that. 

Still, at the end of the day, you found you rarely stepped foot in your own room, save for getting clothes and occasionally taking showers. Some nights, you’d stay with Jesse, who’s room wasn’t terribly different from yours in layout, though decorative differences were...sometimes painfully evident. Others, you’d stay in Gabriel’s room, which was more or less a suite comparatively. Gabriel’s was also where you’d all agreed you’d spend your nights when the three of you stayed together, with much more room on the bed.

You switched between rooms nightly when they were off on missions.

You’d found a family in Overwatch, and it wasn’t just the two of them. Lena, Angela, Genji, Winston, even Jack all became close friends over the time that you settled there. A lot of your daytime was spent with Winston, working on new weapons or going through the plans of relative infiltration places so that you could get an idea on what you’d be doing on the next missions you were involved in.

You remember, all too well, when tensions started. After the Venice job. 

You’d yelled yourself hoarse when Gabriel finally found you after the long debrief.

“What the  _ fuck _ is wrong with you?” You’d shouted, watching his face fall. He’d had enough of it from everyone else, and you were going to turn on him too. He’d turned to leave when you grabbed him, rougher than you usually were these days, and glared up at him.

His resolve to defend himself faltered a little when he saw your eyes glittering with tears.

“What’s made you think being this fucking reckless is a good idea, Gabe?” You snapped, jabbing a finger into his chest. You could see Jesse lurking in the doorway, watching, but silent. 

“Look, arresting him would’ve done no good.” Gabriel grunted, trying and failing to look away  from you. He’d never quite seen you like this. “They have too many fingers in too many pies; it was easier just to kill him, and it isn’t like the world lost much.”

“I don’t care about  _ him, _ you idiot! Sure, it’s good he’s dead, but I could’ve  _ lost _ you tonight! Both of you!” You felt your eyes burn and you hated that it made you this emotional. You could no longer imagine your life without them both at your sides. “You need to fucking  _ think _ before you do this shit!”

You were surprised when he caught your wrist, not even realizing you’d gone to slap him, but he pulled you to him. It was then you realized the burning wasn’t just  _ wanting _ to cry. Your cheeks were slick with tears. He wrapped his arms around you, holding your head against his chest as you clung to him. 

“I’m sorry,  _ mi amor. _ I’m sorry…” He murmured into your hair, running his fingers through it soothingly. You felt Jesse’s touch too, not long after. 

He still never really lived it down. And it wasn’t the end of the tensions. You knew a boiling point was going to come soon, and you swore to yourself that you’d be there when it did, to do your best to help them. To help everyone. You could get through this; your organization was strong, and your relationship was.

You never expected to be the one who needed someone, so desperately.

As it were, you wouldn’t even have that.

Jesse had begged you, when he left, to join him. To go with him and leave the infighting alone. You refused, and in turn begged him to let you have a chance at pulling Gabriel back from the ledge. He didn’t listen, refused to be a part of what Gabriel was doing. It broke your heart to see him leave, but you weren’t going to let your entire life here go if you thought you could do something about it.

Even with the infighting, Gabriel did his best to keep you out of it. He even pushed you to the other side sometimes, encouraging you to keep up your work with Winston despite his disdain for the scientist; to do what you could to help Angela. His issue wasn’t with them, but with Jack, and he thought you’d be safe with them. He wasn’t entirely wrong.

You remember the night he left, without telling you where he was going, you knew, deep in your heart, something was going to go wrong this time.

When Winston came into your now-shared lab, his face almost void of emotion, looking...entirely numb, you knew you were right. 

“Winston?” You jumped off your chair and moved to the gentle giant’s side, putting a hand on one of his arms, as he looked down at you. “What is it? What’s going on?” Outside the door, you could see other Overwatch members in a rush. Many of them were carrying boxes and vast other things with them.

“...It’s over. Overwatch is over.” He mumbled, and you felt like the world had been pulled out from under you. You stared at him, waiting for an explanation. 

“Commander Morrison… Commander Reyes… they’re…” His eyes met yours, and immediately you jerked back from him, as if touching him burned you. You shook your head. 

“Please don’t say it. D-don’t.” Your eyes burned and you willed the tears back, even as a lump began to form in your throat.

“I’m sorry… they’re dead.” Your heart might have stopped. Or disappeared. Or maybe it was collapsing in on itself, with the way your chest hurt. “There was an explosion at the Swiss headquarters. It’s gone. There’s no way they survived.”

You were shaking, and surprised when you felt Angela’s hand on your forearm. You jerked away and ran from the room, tears pouring down your face as you made your way to his room. Storming in like you thought - hoped,  _ prayed _ \- this was all some stupid, elaborate plan to just go off the grid. Like he’d be waiting there to tell you you needed to leave and that you’d go somewhere safe and away from it all.

The television was on when you got inside; you’d forgotten to turn it off. And there it was, all over the screen. Overwatch Swiss Headquarters, destroyed in an accidental explosion. The death toll high, and on its list, Commanders Jack Morrison and Gabriel Reyes.

You fell to your knees, and you screamed. 

It felt like you could feel it all, everything around you suddenly falling down. Like the walls were crumbling around you. Your body went into autopilot while your mind fell to pieces, and after screaming yourself hoarse with grief, you stood and left the room. Your friends stood, wanting to console you but fearful of stepping in while you sounded so volatile, but they were surprised when you stormed out. You barely acknowledged anyone as you made your way to your room.

You took a few things, some of your more precious belongings - your cloaking device, your revolver, and a small stack of framed pictures of what had become your family. With some clothes, you shoved them into a pack, set it by the door, and let your grief out on the rest.

You destroyed it all. Everything you’d spent your life on. Everything you’d refused to leave behind when Jesse first contacted you. Everything you’d done since then. Within minutes it all lay in pieces, sparking or whirring weakly, scattered across the floor of your room. You weren’t sure if you’d hoped that it would make you feel better, or if you figured if your life was going to fall apart you’d leave some physical pieces behind.

When you left your room this time, with your sparse belongings, you were left to your own devices. Everyone else had to worry about their things as well. Everyone else was grieving. As much as some of them wanted to be there for you, Overwatch itself was crumbling and they had to sort their own things. 

You weren’t sure any of them expected you to disappear, but that was exactly what you intended to do. The loves of your life were gone now; one disappeared off the face of the earth, the other likely lying dead in a pile of rubble in Switzerland. 

You went back to his room; you had to take something with you. You couldn’t leave it all here to rot, or whatever they’d do with it. You needed something; Jesse hadn’t left you anything of his, and you couldn’t stay alone. You needed something to feel like at least one of them was with you. You went to one of his dressers and started digging. You wanted a hoodie, maybe, or one of his beanies, you’d settle for some of his shirts.

Your hand found something hard and square wrapped in one of the hoodies, and you felt your heart skip for a moment. What had he been hiding here?

You pulled out the object, and felt your throat close up as fresh tears spilled out, unhindered. A small, soft, black box sat in your hand. You pinched it open, praying it wasn’t what you thought it was, and fell to your knees again. 

Glinting up at you was a silver band, inlaid with a large, red, glittering oval stone. Around it, smaller stones, almost golden in color. 

Time had stopped as you stared down at what you knew was an engagement ring, glittering up at you in the light. It felt mocking, or perhaps oblivious, as if the light didn’t know better than to act as though your entire life had just gone dark.

You meant to leave that night. Instead, you spent it in his bed, one last time. 

At dawn, you donned one of his oversized hoodies over your jeans, grabbed your things, and left in silence, the empty ring box sitting on the bed, the stones glittering on your hand.

Even if you’d gone into defensive mode, even if you felt that you had to now leave your life behind and hide from it all, you couldn’t leave  _ all _ the reminders behind. 

Reminders of what you could’ve had. What you wanted.

What  _ he’d _ wanted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, while I hate to get their relationship started and then do THIS, I was completely drawing blanks on what to do without just...repeating myself.  
> That being said, I had an idea...if anyone's interested, I might be okay with doing little oneshots based on things you guys request? (For these two guys, OR other Overwatch characters, but that'll be gone into further if it becomes a thing I do...)  
> If anyone's interested in this, let me know, and I'll set something up for it!  
> That being said, I hope everyone enjoyed this chapter, despite the fact I cried more than once writing it, and I'll get started on the next as soon as I can. :)


	14. Recall (Part 1) Reunited

To say things were difficult after Overwatch would’ve been the world’s greatest understatement.

When you left Gibraltar, for what was to be the last time, you intended to shed everything this time. Your name, your past, every little bit of the life you’d just lost.

It wasn’t hard, after the work you’d done, to fabricate a story that you’d died as well. To add your name to the list of those in Switzerland. The only ones who would know better would be the ones who’d been on base with you, and you had a feeling none of them were going to call it out.

What was difficult was figuring out how to live after. Even listed as dead, after over a decade of service to Overwatch at this point, Talon loyalists knew your face, and you could never stay in one place for long. 

The nights were the hardest the first few years. Plagued by dreams of what was and could’ve been, or by nightmares that left you in crying and in a cold sweat. The days weren’t better - little noises would always make you think one of them was nearby, or you’d see a face in the crowd and, for one delirious moment, want to call out a name that you knew wouldn’t get an answer. 

It got easier, as the time went on. The dreams never stopped, but you started to numb to them. You’d still hear voices sometimes, soft and quiet and somewhere in the background, the nicknames you’d soon heard more than your own name. You learned to ignore them, no longer glancing around with that painful hope that Jesse had found you, or that some way, somehow, Gabriel was still alive and looking for you.

What didn’t help was when you started  _ actually _ seeing Jesse’s face around again. Only a few years after the fall, you started to see news stories of him. Vigilante, wanted criminal, they called him all kinds of things. And you started seeing the wanted posters in some places, with that smug smirk of his that often made your stomach do flips.

It wasn’t long before you started to feel angry at him. Angry at him for leaving, for not supporting you and giving you the  _ chance _ to try and talk Gabriel out of his crusade. For disappearing for so long and leaving you alone. For not  _ trying _ to find you when he decided to finally show his face again. You resented him for not being there.

In truth, you had to try and ignore  _ that _ too. If you let yourself get too angry, if you let yourself hate him like part of you wanted to, you knew it’d make you even more miserable. It was bad enough missing him, but to wake up after seeing his face and only feel angry would be so much worse.

And you couldn’t entirely blame him for not finding you, considering you kept moving so often. A part of you hoped you’d finally meet up with him again. You didn’t know what would happen when you did. You would sit in the window of whatever place you were staying in, twisting the ring around your finger, and contemplate that sometimes. At first, you’d give anything for it. Now, you weren’t so sure. You blamed him for too much of your pain. It wasn’t healthy, and it wasn’t all his fault, but you couldn’t help it.

Almost seven years had passed, and you figured you’d healed about as much as you could. You never stayed in one place long enough to form connections, never really wanted to. And the ring on your finger did well to ward off any unwanted attention. You still had the dreams, but they no longer caused you to wake with tears in your eyes or guilt and anger pouring through you. You were numb now.

You saw the signs, news stories that hinted to Overwatch’s return, but you refused to get your hopes up. You  _ could’ve _ gone back, could’ve gotten in contact with Angela, or Winston, or  _ someone _ to see if it was true, but you weren’t so sure you wanted to. Weren’t so sure stepping foot on any base wouldn’t just reopen those old wounds, let alone going back to Gibraltar. 

But with the rise in apparent Overwatch activity, so too did Talon start to rear its head again. Names you recognized, names you didn’t. When you found, not but a few days into your most recent relocation, that you were being followed, you were most inclined to believe that they’d finally caught up with you. You weren’t sure what to expect; you had no interest in helping them, and had very little to lose at this point in denying them, but you’d heard stories of the things they’d do to get people on their side. You weren’t keen on that.

The city was quite active, even in the middle of a working day, but your senses had grown sharp in your grief, making sure you protected yourself. The footsteps were light and precise, keeping pace with you but ever so slowly growing closer. You sped up your pace a little, only to note that the footsteps sped up as well. They were still just far enough away that you could take a sharp turn into a nearby alleyway and activate the device at your waist for the first time in a very long time, allowing you to slip into the shadows.

You weren’t going to wait around and try and ambush your follower, however, especially not when an arrow flew past your head and hit with a loud noise into the wall a few feet from you. Instead, you took off, hearing a shout behind you, and tried to keep to the shadows to stay hidden. You could hear more footsteps now, knowing that you were up against a squad at least now. Which didn’t give you very good odds.

Pushing on a nearby door, you slipped into what looked to be an empty office building, dark on the inside and its windows boarded over. You started to dart from room to room, hoping there was an exit you could escape through and lose your tail, only to find yourself in a dead end. Simultaneously, the door behind you opened, and your cloaking device gave a telltale click as its cloak faded; it’d been so long since you’d used it, and it needed some fixing up to work right.

“Son of a bitch,” You growled, swiftly drawing your revolver and firing blindly as you turned. You heard a loud clatter as the pulse round bounced off metal and hit the wall beside your head instead, but you didn’t have time to register it. The next thing you knew, you were pinned back against the wall, dull end of a blade to your throat, and staring at an incredibly,  _ shockingly _ familiar faceplate, the lights over where eyes should be glowing neon green.

“Cienne?” A pseudonym you’d also shed all those years ago. Your heart was beating in your throat and you stared in disbelief at Genji Shimada, who radiated some sort of confusion. You wanted to say something. You weren’t sure  _ what _ to say. Something came out of your mouth anyway.

“How in the  _ fuck _ did you find me here?”

Genji laughed, a sound you thought was actually...rather unusual. You hadn’t heard it out of him much while you worked with him, and when he did laugh it was often far more bitter than the lighthearted sound that, for a brief moment, even made you smile. 

“I...did not know it was you.” He admitted, his hold loosening slightly, though he didn’t entirely release you. He was a little uneasy about you having fired a shot at him, it seemed. Making sure he could see your actions, you carefully holstered your revolver, and he stepped back.

“You two seem familiar,” Spoke a wholly unfamiliar voice, and you looked over Genji’s shoulder to see three figures stepping into the room. Two, you recognized and one you did not. The one you didn’t recognize was a man not too far from your own age, not much taller than Genji - the only of the men you remembered who didn’t entirely tower over you. Beside him, glowing faintly gold and with an expression on her face of utter shock, was Angela Ziegler, in her familiar angelic Valkyrie suit. Behind them both lingered the hulking form of your former work partner, Winston, who was the only one who didn’t seem surprised to see you, smiling softly, warmly.

“How did you find me here?” You repeated, this time to Winston, as Genji stepped aside to let you greet the others. You didn’t have time for introductions just yet. Winston chuckled, a sheepish sound as he looked down.

“Truth be told, I only hoped it  _ was _ you. We’d been getting reports of someone taking shots at Talon all across the world, but they had trademarks...maybe not intentionally, but I recognized your style. We wanted to talk to you,  _ whoever _ you were, in hopes of recruiting you...or re-recruiting you… into Overwatch. We could use the help.”

It was true; though you’d wanted to shed your old life completely, you were a creature of habit and found it difficult to avoid old habits. When you started hearing whispers of Talon in each city you visited, you decided to hinder them the best you could before you moved on. It was why you’d been certain they were the ones following you. You kept your eyes only on Winston for now; you could feel Angela’s boring into you, as she all but radiated concern and was nearly vibrating in her desire to come to you, but restraint to give you space to find your comfort.

“So it’s true. Overwatch has been recalled.” Winston dipped his head a little and gave a faint nod, though he smiled ruefully.

“Though, not legally. All the same, I can’t just sit and watch as Talon starts to grow again. We’ve got a fair few back in action these days… and some new faces too.” You almost wanted to ask who all had responded to the recall, but decided it best not to. 

“...And you want my help?” You shifted, uncertain. It would be nice to stop running for a little while, but did you want to risk putting roots down again, with the same organization that they’d been so violently ripped from before? Not that you blamed any of them, not really. You didn’t even blame Gabriel, in his blind anger towards Jack. But still, it was a frightening concept. 

“We could use your talents.” He affirmed, shifting. “Talon has their own hacker, and...well, I don’t want to demean your skill but it’s going to take everything we can get to best her, even if it’s not just you. But I know you and I know your skill with the systems we’re working with, so I’m certain that we can give her a good fight.” You knew what he spoke of; there’d been talk, when you stayed a short time up north, of someone infiltrating the Russian government. The idea of the woman set your blood boiling, as you recognized her signature disappearing act as a further advanced version of your own work. You’d have to ask Winston about that later.

“Where is headquarters?” You asked, as it seemed the mention of such a challenged set your mind. However, your resolve did falter a little bit when Winston’s face fell slightly.

“Ah, well… I mean, we can set you up somewhere else… you don’t have to stay at the main headquarters...”

“Gibraltar.” You spoke flatly, feeling Genji shift beside you, seeing out of the corner of your eye as Angela still struggled to keep herself in check for the time being, fingers briefly reaching for you. Winston nodded once, and you closed your eyes, letting out a deep sigh. You’d sworn to yourself to leave it all behind. That included never going back to the place your life had been the best. But your friends needed you, and you were starting to feel the sting of loneliness that finally crept in after the grief of losing your partners. 

“...Alright.”

“Alright?” Winston sounded surprised, but you didn’t open your eyes just yet.

“I’ll come back with you all. I’ll help.”

Immediately you felt an impact as Angela threw her arms around you, hugging you tightly and nearly knocking you off balance. Her face buried into your hair as you hugged her back, eyes still closed. “Liebling, it’s so good to see you,” She spoke in a hushed whisper, and you were shocked at how much emotion you felt from her. “We thought…” She trailed off, and you pulled back, finally opening your eyes to look up at her questioningly.

“When we saw your name on the list from the Swiss headquarters, we...believed that you had…” Genji didn’t seem able to finish his sentence either, and you looked between the two, smiling sadly.

“It crossed my mind. But I...did not have the heart to.” You’d always clung to some small hope, though you’d never admit it, that there’d been some grave mistake that day. That one day you’d find what happiness had left you there. You gently squeezed Angela’s waist, and smiled sadly at her, a smile she returned.

“You look...well,” She offered, and you weren’t sure if you wanted to laugh or cry. You settled for a bittersweet smile.

“As well as can be expected.” 

Winston got your attention with a quiet utterance of your name, and smiled faintly. “This is Hanzo,” He spoke, motioning to the stranger, who had taken to looking over his bow. The name lit a flicker of familiarity in your mind, and you looked from the archer to Genji, who tilted his head for a moment, meeting your gaze - though you couldn’t see his eyes, you could feel it - and nodding once. So this was his brother. You looked back at him, calculatingly, and pursed your lips a little.

“Pleasure,” You muse, offering a hand to him. He seemed to notice your tension, and you saw a flicker of something in his eyes that looked incredibly close to shame, but he took your hand and gave it a firm shake. 

“I have heard quite a bit about you,” He mused, and you saw Angela wince slightly when he said it. You glanced between them, arching a brow, and then focused your eyes on Hanzo again.

“Have you?” You asked, pulling your hand back. His eyes flickered down as you shoved the hand into your pocket, and then looked back up.

“Brother…” Genji’s warning came just a moment too late, as Hanzo spoke at the same time, not stopping though he glanced over your shoulder at the ninja.

“McCree always speaks quite highly of you. I’m sure he’ll be elated to know you’re returning.” Your eyes darkened a little, and you pressed your thumb to the ring on your finger, feeling the stones bite into the digit slightly, using that to ground yourself.

“...I’m sure.” You turned away, glancing to Winston, who looked sheepish. “Did you plan on telling me before, or after we were on the drop ship?” He shifted uncomfortably, and you heard Angela sigh beside him.

“I...did not realize it was a sensitive subject. I apologize.” Hanzo, seeming to finally realize his error, bowed his head slightly with his apology, and you glanced sideways at him.

“You couldn’t have known unless he told you.” You assure him, and you felt Angela’s hand on your forearm. 

“I...was going to tell you before we left,” Winston spoke, shifting his weight a little as he refused to meet your eyes. “But I was concerned knowing would stop you from returning.” Leave it to Winston to - correctly - guess you would be resentful towards Jesse. You sighed heavily, shaking your head a little and started towards the door.

“We should get out of here before we get caught trespassing.” You made your way back out of the building, glancing up and down the highway with a small frown. No one was in the alleyway and you couldn’t hear anything unusual around. You took the time to glance up the buildings, watching for anyone on the rooftops, before you started back to the streets.

Once out of the alley, Winston took the lead, taking you back to the dropship. As you stepped on, you felt a small twinge of pain in your chest, remembering the first time you’d been on one of these. The way Jesse had comforted you in your nervousness, how quickly he’d taken to you.

It seemed like the flashbacks were going to come back with a vengeance, and you knew it’d just get worse when you got to Gibraltar. You took a seat on the sofa, pulling your legs up under yourself and sitting cross legged in the curve. Genji and Angela sat on on the other side, Angela leaning into Genji’s side with a sigh. You smiled a little bit to yourself, remembering when they had started growing closer. As different as Genji seemed, you wondered if that had changed anything for the two of them. 

Quickly turning your eyes away before you could get caught watching them, and before the envy could start creeping up in your mind, you turned instead to meet the dark eyes of the archer, Hanzo, who was watching you curiously. 

“I must admit, you are...not what I expected.” He mused, tilting his head a little bit, gazing at you calculatingly. You met his gaze with a curious arch of your brow.

“And why is that?”

He gave you a wry smile and a shrug of one shoulder, and his response made you laugh in a way you hadn’t in a very, very long time.

“You look as though you have taste.” 


	15. Recall (Part 2) Resentment and Forgiveness

The flight to Gibraltar was a little bit surreal, and you spent most of it listening amongst the others, answering questions - where you’d been, what you’d been doing, the expected questions. Angela even risked asking if you had any close relationships since you’d left, though when you turned your eyes away and gave a noncommittal grunt, she let the issue fall.

In turn, you learned what they’d been up to since everything went to hell. Genji found his peace with himself, and seemed quite eager for you to meet the one whom had helped him through it. Angela had been doing her best to make the world better and help everyone she could. Winston had been doing whatever he could to clear the name of Overwatch and protect people in his own way.

You’d grown content and quiet when you felt the floor of the airship shudder beneath you, Athena announcing your descent towards base. You felt your stomach drop, and you stood up slowly, walking to the door as the base got closer below you. For a brief moment, you thought you saw figures waiting, but you blinked a few times and they dissipated; another memory of a lifetime past. 

Your jaw clenched slightly when you felt Angela’s hand on your shoulder, willing back the tears that threatened to well up in your eyes. You clenched your hands in your pockets, again using the bite of the ring digging into your skin to center yourself and keep yourself grounded. 

“If...it would help you any,” Angela spoke softly, drawing your gaze from the window to look at her. “I would like to offer my suite to share, until we find and furnish a suitable room for you. I certainly don’t expect to put you back into basic agent living and I...cannot imagine you want to stay in the wing you used to.” You swallowed, thinking of how you’d left Gabriel’s room last, and the state you’d left your own in. 

“What happened to everything?” You asked, your heart starting to race, uncertain you really wanted the answer to that. She squeezed your shoulder gently.

“Winston saw to your room, though we...opted not to save anything; we thought it most respectful to follow your wish, and even Winston admitted he didn’t know the full workings of everything you’d left anyway. And… personal things were stored, incase you wanted them again. Clothes and bedding were donated or used in some of my travels.” She didn’t say it, but you knew she didn’t mean  _ your _ personal things or clothes. 

“Okay.” You didn’t know what else to say. You didn’t know if you wanted to accept her offer yet. A small part of you wanted to take up his room again, but you knew somewhere in your mind it would only hurt you more. You would just have to see how you felt once you started walking through; your old wing was close to the garage and landing pad, so it wouldn’t take long. 

The landing pad was empty when the ship finally touched down, and you stepped off shakily, looking around. The sun was beginning to set over the mountains, and it left the area awash in an orange, dusky glow. You could feel your heart starting to ache again, but at the same time, you felt Angela’s hand move from your shoulder down your arm, and for a moment though she was about to take your hand; however, she curled her fingers delicately around your forearm instead. It was still comforting as she started to lead you inside.

Winston was quick to excuse himself, citing the need to do some paperwork and note that you were going to be joining up again. Bidding him farewell, you looked around the familiar halls and let out a soft, quiet sigh. “I never thought I’d come back here. I never meant to.” You spoke quietly, catching both Angela and Genji’s attention. You could feel Hanzo’s eyes on your back as well, though he seemed to be keeping his distance for the time being. 

“I am glad you’ve come back with us,” Genji gave in reply, reaching around Angela - who was between the two of you thanks to her hold on you - to join his hand with hers on your arm. “I...cannot imagine the way it feels, but I hope that we can make this home again. Even if we cannot make it as it was.” You smiled at him, your lip twitching slightly in an attempt to hide the urge to cry that surfaced at his words. 

“I hope so. I...don’t know if I can promise anything from myself.” You finally replied, and he squeezed gently before releasing you, and Angela hummed softly and gently lead you towards the shared dining hall. It was milling with people, including agents you recognized - you saw Reinhardt and Torbjorn, whom you hadn’t spoken to much when you worked with Overwatch but knew well enough, as well as Lena curled up and talking with a young redheaded woman you didn’t recognize.  Your chest ached a little when you saw Fareeha; you’d never been as close to her as Jesse had been, but watching him with her had always warmed your heart. 

There was also a large collection of people you didn’t recognize entirely, though you  _ did _ recognize Hana Song and Lucio Correia dos Santos, celebrities you were a little shocked to realize were working with Overwatch as well. Some other faces you knew only from glancing thoughts, couldn’t put names to faces but knew you’d seen them during your travels.

Angela led your little group towards one of the corner couches, and urged you to sit down in the corner. You followed her guide, your back to the doorway, and Genji took a seat beside you, leaving just enough space for Angela, who went off to fetch food for the lot of you. Hanzo took a seat on the far end of the couch; you were a little surprised he was staying with the group, considering the tension you saw in him any time he’d glance at his brother, but you had a feeling he had enough curiosity of you that he was willing to stomach it.

You’d settled in and were only just starting to lose the tension and ache in your chest when you heard a very familiar sound of spurs that simultaneously made your shoulders tense and your heart race with anticipation. A similarly familiar voice called out for Hanzo, but cut short - as did his footsteps - when his eyes finally swept over the company his friend was sitting in. You swallowed hard, staring straight ahead, only briefly catching Hanzo’s gaze when the archer looked at you before back to Jesse. Beside you, Angela’s hand returned to your arm, helping you ground yourself as your hands gripped hard around the cup of coffee she’d brought you.

After a long bit of silence, he went into motion again and, though not invited, moved to sit beside Hanzo, his eyes on you. You felt like your heart was going to beat out of your chest, and you turned your eyes down to the cup in your hands, willing yourself not to shatter the thing in the process.

The area around you had gone uncomfortably silent. Everyone in the close vicinity was watching with curious eyes, some - who knew you, who knew what had happened - with baited breath. You weren’t going to make the first statement, and for a long while, it seemed Jesse wasn’t going to either. Just watching you, watching the way you sought Angela’s touch, and the way both she and Genji watched you hesitantly. They all knew your temper, Genji and Jesse first-hand witnesses and Angela a witness of what you could do to  _ yourself _ in the process. 

“It’s...been a long time,” Jesse finally ventured, and you looked up at him. You ached at the sound of his voice, a sound you’d missed for so long but a sound that made your stomach churn with resentment all at the same time. “How are you?”

And unfortunately, resentment won out when he spoke. You narrowed your eyes at him. “How am I? Is that  _ all _ you have to say?” You asked, your voice low and chillingly calm. He sat up a little, looking surprised, and you saw his eyes flicker with uncertainty. 

“I… I can’t say I know what’s appropriate to say here.” He admitted, and you clenched your jaw, looking away briefly. Feeling your heart thump painfully in your chest. 

“You left… you didn’t even give me a chance to try with him and left me  _ alone. _ For  _ seven years _ I’ve been mourning you both. And all you can think to say is ‘how are you’?” Your tone never changed, and you saw him flinch back slightly. He didn’t know what to do with this; he was used to volatile anger, to anger that exploded and left everyone around you trembling with adrenaline. But the way you seethed, quiet, restrained,  _ furious. _ He didn’t know what to do with it. Even the two on either side of you had tensed in surprise.

“I asked you to come--”

“You asked me to abandon a good life without even trying to stop it from going to hell. I asked you to give me a fucking chance and you chose to leave. You asked me to choose between you and my entire family, Jesse, not just  _ him. _ ” You snapped before he could continue, gesturing with your free hand to the people around you. You pulled your arm from Angela’s touch and stood, setting the mug in your hand down roughly and storming out of the dining hall. You heard Genji hush Angela to let you leave, to let you truly heal in your own time. Jesse watched you go with a pained expression, but opted not to follow you. 

As you wandered aimlessly through the base, your feet took you down a familiar path, testing the door to the training arena and pushing it open slowly. You glanced up briefly, and in a flash of memory saw a broad-shouldered figure looking down at you from the darkened office window, gone again when you blinked as tears welled up and spilled over. As you walked through, memories played in your mind like a film. Pinned to the dusty, tended-dirt floor, your temper boiling over. Times you’d find yourself cornered, smiling and laughing as you and Jesse kissed, hiding from the rest of them. 

Sitting on the edge of the open-air range, looking over the mountains beyond which you knew the ocean called, with Gabriel’s arm around your middle and holding you to his side as you talked softly, about missions or trips you’d take when things were calm enough for personal leave, about how happy you were with your relationship. Near the end, about how sorry he was that Jesse had left; how sometimes he wished he’d’ve known, how he would’ve pushed you to go with him and stay safe.

Though it was difficult with your vision blurred by tears, you made your way up the flimsy stairs and, with some struggle, pulled yourself up on top of one of the ‘buildings’ the moving bots still patrolled, letting your legs hang over the edge as you stared out over the mountains, your breath hitching with sobs you barely fought to contain. You missed them both so much, but you couldn’t bring yourself to forgive Jesse for leaving you when you’d end up needing him most. Couldn’t bring yourself to forgive him for believing that you would leave everyone you loved - not just Gabriel, but Angela, Lena, Genji, the people who’d made you the best. The two of them hadn’t done it alone.

It wasn’t entirely fair to him, considering you’d left them yourself not but a few months later. You may have been inconcievably broken, but you still left them. 

You weren’t sure how long you sat there in your solitude. All you knew was that by the time you heard soft footsteps, your tears had dried up even as your chest till hurt. Your instincts had you pulling your legs up and moving to the middle of the building so you’d be hidden; it wasn’t Jesse, the footsteps were too soft for him, even if he wasn’t wearing his boots. 

You’d begun to think, perhaps, it was Angela, searching for you; so you were a little bit startled when you heard a form moving up the side of your building. Genji popped up over the edge, crouched and steadying himself, his faceplate focused on you. He crept a little closer, straightened when he could walk properly, and then knelt when he was beside you. His metallic fingers brushed residual tears from your cheeks before he folded his legs and sat beside you.

“You left the door open,” He spoke before you could, tipping his head back towards the arena. You gave a hiccupy little laugh and pulled your knees to your chest, resting your forehead against them. He rubbed a hand over your shoulder soothingly; for a man made mostly of metal, he had a surprisingly soft touch. You’d never really experienced it much before; even as he grew older the Genji you knew had been prickly at best, and rarely let anyone close to him in any sense. This was rather new.

“You don’t have to stay, you know.” He mused quietly, and you turned your head, cheek resting against your knees, to look at him questioningly. “If it’s too much. None of us would begrudge you. You could go to another base, if it would make things easier for you.” You smiled, weakly, and turned back to look out over the darkening mountains. 

“Trying to run me off already, Shimada?” You tried to tease, but your voice was weak and hoarse from crying - sobbing, really - and his fingers squeezed your shoulder again gently. Still, he chuckled softly and, after a moment, let his hands drop.

“I simply...know what it’s like to feel pain every day, so deeply in your soul, it can be crippling. I only hope it doesn’t manifest for you as it did for me.” He turned his head towards the mountains as well, letting out a soft, slow sigh behind his mask. “We should not have brought you here without warning you both.”

“Genji…” You waited until, out of the corner of your eye, you saw him turn back to you. “I’d rather not talk about that, or him, right now. My chest hurts enough as it is.” Unbeknownst to you, he flinched a little behind his mask, but nodded his head a bit. He shifted around so that he was facing the same way you were, out at the mountains. You were surprised at the warmth he radiated, comforting as the air began to chill.

The silence stretched for a short while, as you leaned your shoulder into his out of instinct alone, seeking warmth and comfort. While you’d never been friends with him the way you were with Angela or Lena, there was still a familiar sort of feel to this. You wondered absently if this had been something he’d needed all those years ago. After a little while, you decided to speak up finally.

“So, you say you’ve found your peace,” You mused, and he tipped his head a little to indicate he was listening to you. “How? What have you been up to these past years?” He hummed softly, thoughtfully, as he studied the night sky. The arena and range were dark enough that the sky beyond was littered with hundreds of stars. 

“I travelled, for many years. Much like yourself, I imagine.” You could hear a soft smile in his voice. “I was not in a good place. But you knew that. A few years ago, I met a monk from Nepal who saw in me what I could not accept. It took...persistence, but soon enough, he taught me to accept myself. To accept the strengths I had been granted and to remember that the form I inhabited did not reflect on the soul I carried. I was still as human inside as anyone else.” 

You let out a soft hum in response to this as you thought it over. “He sounds like a good friend to have. And certainly talented, to make you see what we couldn’t convince you of.” You smiled, faintly, as you glanced at him again. You sort of missed being able to see his eyes, at the very least, to gauge how he reacted to your teasing. He tilted his head slightly.

“Healing takes...time. I don’t think I had had enough of that when I came here. I was not ready to see what you all saw. As hard as some tried to make me.” You felt a wave of sadness, knowing he meant Angela. She’d tried so hard to save not just his body but his mind, but as he’d said he hadn’t been ready for that yet. “But, yes, he is an incredible friend. An even better mentor. You should meet him sometime.” 

“I’d like that.” 

Silence fell again, and you shifted to let your legs stretch out before you, wrapping your arms around yourself as you kept yourself propped against your friend. A stray thought crossed your mind and you felt the need to voice it.

“You never really told me what happened, when you were younger.” You mused, feeling him shift and knowing he was looking towards you again. “Is it...difficult? Having your brother here?” 

“No,” He said it with such certainty that you had to pull back and look at him, though you couldn’t actually see his face to read it. Still, he looked back at you and you had that strange sensation of your eyes being locked despite his mask.

“I have forgiven my brother for what he’s done. I look only to see him forgive himself, though… he does not believe that he can be forgiven, or that there is hope for him at all. If it’s difficult for either of us, I must assume it’s him. But I believe he can redeem himself.” 

You gazed at him thoughtfully for a moment. The man you’d known would never have believed that, and yet you liked this. You felt comfort in how sure he was of his decisions and how he felt on the matter. “I suppose...I will have to get to know him, and see for myself.” You mused finally, and he laughed, putting a hand on your shoulder.

“He certainly seems curious enough about you.” He looked back out, but didn’t have long before a voice drew the attention of you both. Angela called your name softly, looking upwards towards the building you were on; you realized that Genji, further to the side than you were, was probably still visible. She called for him as well, when she noticed him looking at her, and you noted he gave a minute nod.

“We should probably go in; it’s getting cold, and I doubt it would be good for you to get sick after just coming back,” He murmured, standing slowly. Where he was swift and graceful in his descent, you were decidedly not. With his help, you got back down to the stairs, and the two of you descended together, Genji taking her by the waist and embracing her briefly before she turned her attention to you.

“Are you okay, Liebling?” She asked softly, reaching up to brush her thumbs over your cheeks. You’d stopped crying a while ago, and Genji had gotten most of the tracks left, but you had a feeling it was instinct for her to be sure. You glanced at Genji and then gave her a small smile.

“Not really. But I’m better. And I think I’ll take you up on that offer of staying with you until they set up a suit...so long as I won’t be in the way,” With this you glanced between them, and Genji laughed.

“I think I can tolerate a few days with less privacy for your sake,” He replied with a slight inclination of his head, making you laugh softly. Angela pulled you into a hug, which you returned, sagging into her slightly.

“Come… it’s late, and we should all rest. We have...a lot of work ahead of us.” 


	16. Recall (Part 3) Turmoil

Unsurprisingly, Winston had anticipated your agreement, and had had someone get your things from the hotel you’d procured for the time you planned to stay. You had an inkling he’d done it before you’d even spoken. Your bag - just one - was sitting at the edge of Angela’s bed when she led you inside. You moved around too much to have much in the way of personal possessions outside what you had left Overwatch with. 

Despite Genji’s insistence that you share the bed with Angela that night - the bed in the suites could easily fit upwards of five people and still give you room, after all - you opted for the sofa instead. Even after he persisted, saying that he didn’t necessarily need sleep and that he believed you’d get a better rest on a mattress, you still refused, pulling a few things from your bag and disappearing into the bathroom. For the first time in what seemed like years, you felt the need for a comfort you hadn’t in a while.

You slept in the old hoodie that fell well past your knees, curled up on the sofa in Angela’s suite, uncertain of what your future would hold and afraid of the days that lay ahead of you. It didn’t help your dreams, mired in regrets and fears, and when you woke the next morning, it was to your chest aching viciously,  and Genji sitting on the edge of the bed, looking down at you. He’d already replaced his mask; though you weren’t entirely sure you remember him taking it off to begin with.

“Are you alright?” He asked, leaning forward a little when he realized you were awake. You could feel his concern. “You seemed...distressed, but I did not risk waking you, I didn’t want to make it worse.” You blinked at him a few times, pulling your blanket a little bit closer, despite being completely enveloped in cloth as it was. 

“I...don’t really remember,” you admitted, shifting a little. You noticed the other side of the bed was empty. “Is Angela working already?” You asked, surprised, and looked hurriedly around for a clock. Genji chuckled softly and reached over to pat your shoulder gently.

“Yes, she is, but no need to worry. You haven’t overslept.” He handed you a small datapad, across it showed 5AM - if anything, you’d  _ underslept.  _ You sank into the couch a little and rubbed your eyes, the panicky feeling beginning to fade again. Genji sat back again and seemed to be studying you, and again you found you wished you could see his face, to gauge what he might be thinking. 

“Do you want to sleep more?” He asked after a few moments, and you shifted. You were still tired, but really that was nothing new. You didn’t sleep well anymore. You barely got what might constitute a full night’s sleep more than twice a week if that, thanks to anxiety and restless dreams. You shook your head a little and gave a soft sigh.

“No, I probably shouldn’t. I don’t think I’ll get back to sleep, anyway,” You replied after a moment of thinking it over, slowly getting up and stretching your arms over your head. “I think I’m going to go for a run, and then get a shower and go see what Winston has for me to do.” You hoped keeping your routine might make this a little bit easier. You also hoped Winston had  _ something _ for you to do, and you wouldn’t be left entirely to your own devices until he found something. 

Genji nodded, standing and looking towards you. “Would you like company?” He asked, tilting his head as he watched you shuffling through your bag for your work-out clothes. You glanced over your shoulder at him, and gave a faint half-smile. 

“Genji, if you went running with me you’d just get bored. Gabriel barely ever broke a sweat when we’d go on runs together, and God knows you run a hell of a lot faster than he did.” You could sense he seemed a little surprised at how easily you spoke about him, but you weren’t going to admit you’d forced yourself numb to the pain his name sometime brought you. He tilted his head, and you imagined a small smile on scarred lips.

“A jog, then.” You sighed goodnaturedly and turned towards him, surprising him by wrapping your arms around his shoulders and hugging him, briefly tucking your face into his neck. After a moment frozen, he wrapped his arms around you to return the hug. 

“Genji, I appreciate your concern about me,” You started as you pulled back, his hands falling away from your back. He still seemed slightly taken aback. “But you don’t have to babysit me. I promise, I’m not going to stop functioning, even if being here hurts. I might be broken but my pieces are all here; I’m not gonna fall apart.” He regarded you for a few moments, before giving a small nod.

“Fair enough. You can use that to contact me if you need to,” He motioned to the mini-datapad sitting on the couch. Not quite a phone, but small enough to be mistaken as one. “If you need anything, Angela will be in her office or you can call for me. Don’t hesitate, alright?” You gave him an indulgent smile, your clothes in your hand, and nodded in agreement before you stepped into the bathroom to change. 

When you stepped back out, the room was empty. You set the clothes you slept in on the sofa, picked up the datapad after thinking for a few moments of leaving it, and slipped it into a space on your belt it wouldn’t fall. Then your body went into autopilot again. As if you’d never been gone, as if nothing had changed, your feet took you out to the trails that lead to the mountain. You started off on a jog, picking up your pace slowly. Memories played out again. Your commander by your side, keeping pace with you, smiling wide and teasing when you started to breathe harder while he showed no sign of exertion.

His hand on the middle of your back, brief but comforting, encouraging you to keep going; keep pushing yourself. You clenched your jaw as you felt your eyes start to burn again, swallowing back the urge to cry this time. You went further this time than you had before, up the mountain, a small voice in your mind urging you to keep going. To just keep running and leave it all behind you again. You stopped at a marker and turned to look back at the base, panting for breath, your hands on your knees as you tried to rest for a moment.

“Your passed shaped you,” Gabriel’s voice filtered through your mind, a memory resurfacing as if to talk you out of this desire. “But you shouldn’t let it hinder you. You never have before; don’t do it now. You are so much more than what you’ve done and had done to you in the past.” 

Shaking the urge to run away from your mind, you took a few deep drinks from your water bottle and turned to start back towards base, all the while accompanied by your memories. As it got closer, you saw another familiar figure, rimmed hat tipped to hide his eyes, his arms crossed casually as he watched you. This one didn’t disappear, and you set your jaw, tearing your eyes from him as you kept your pace. Slowing to a walk once you were closer. 

He said your name so softly, you could’ve passed it off for one of your hopeful hallucinations. Which also made it easier to keep your eyes forward and breeze past him, ignoring the fact that you wanted to cry again. His hand caught your arm, and you jerked; you glanced down at the cybernetic fingers holding you firmly. You’d never really gotten the chance to get used to him having that; you remembered the injury, and remembered panicking and having Genji quietly assure you that Angela knew what she was doing. 

You remember being angry for only a moment before sheepishly realizing that, of anyone in the world, Genji would know that Angela and Overwatch would be able to help McCree out. 

But Jesse had left not long after the replacement had been finished, leaving you with little memory of it beyond that one day. 

You tried to pull your arm free, but he was holding fast to you; not enough to hurt you, but you found that the cybernetics gave far less easily than a regular hand. You turned your eyes to his, and he looked so pained you almost lost the fire flickering in them. 

“D’we have t’do this?” He asked softly, stepping closer and still refusing to let you pull away. “Are you just gonna keep pretending I don’t exist now?” You narrowed your eyes up at him coldly, your jaw twitching a little as you worked to keep your composure. 

“What do you expect me to do, Jesse?” You spoke in the same cold, seething way you had last night and you felt the fingers on your arm twitch slightly. “Act like nothing happened? Act like you didn’t just walk out and disappear from my life, just because I wouldn’t choose just you over my family? Act like I didn’t have the  _ one _ person who could’ve held me together when Gabriel died, because of that?” 

The look in his eyes was desperate, and you felt like you could see his heart breaking as you spoke. As if he didn’t realize until that moment just how much pain you’d been through over the last seven years. “Let me try to make it up to you,” He pleaded, and you felt your heart thud a little harder in your chest. What you wouldn’t give to fall into his arms and find that comfort you’d needed to give, but you couldn’t pretend. You couldn’t act like resentment didn’t seethe in your blood when you thought about how alone you’d been for so long.

It wasn’t all his fault, but he was to blame for a considerable amount of your pain, and you couldn’t act like that wasn’t true. You arched a brow at him slowly, feeling a little tick in your jaw. You had to fight so hard to keep your expression in check, on the line between crying and yelling. “And how exactly do you plan to do that?” You asked cooly. 

“I-I dunno yet, but, baby I--” 

“Right,” When you jerked your arm this time, he let you go, and you turned your back to him so quickly your ponytail whipped your cheek. “You just go ahead and let me know when you have that figured out.” You stormed towards the door, your shoulders tense. As you went to push through it, the door opened and you crashed into another body.

You heard what you could only assume was a curse in Japanese, and hands fumbled to catch you, but even his reflexes weren’t quite fast enough in his shock and you landed straight on your tailbone, pain shooting up your body as you cursed. You put your hands to your lower back and groaned faintly, closing your eyes tight for a moment as you tried to will away the pain.

“A-are you alright?” Hanzo asked, sounding shocked, as he knelt before you. As you met his eyes, you heard a stifled sound behind you that was unmistakable. Jesse was trying to stifle the shocked laughter that came unbidden by watching you fall on your ass. You scowled slightly, letting out a low breath, and nodded your head. 

“I’m fine,” You replied shortly, taking his hand as he stood and helped you to your feet. “Excuse me.” You swept past a confused Hanzo, and before out of earshot, heard them exchange a quick comment.

“You probably should not have laughed at her.” 

“I didn’t mean ta, god damnit.”

You made your way back to Angela and Genji’s room, finding it still empty. You sent Angela and Genji both messages that you planned to shower, and for them to message you if they were headed back to the room, just in case. Both were read almost immediately, though neither gave a response; you suspected they were too busy to do much.

Your muscles ached from the amount you’d pushed yourself, and you could feel the bruise forming on your butt, but thankfully the warm water did wonders for the tenseness in your shoulders. Deciding that you’d pay her back later, you decided to borrow some of Angela’s shower gel, which smelled of a sweet vanilla that helped your irritation melt away; it was a distant nostalgia that made you feel a little more pleasant.

When you finished your shower, you patted yourself dry and checked the datapad. Still no messages from either of your temporary roommates, so you swept out of the bathroom without a thought. As you were stepping out, the door to the room closed, and you found yourself staring at Hanzo, who was staring right back. 

After a few moments, as if just registering that you were stark naked, Hanzo swiftly turned away and stared to his side at the door. “I-I apologize, I did not realize that you-- I should have knocked.” You found it a little odd to hear him stuttering, as he didn’t actually seem the type to, but then you hadn’t really had the chance to talk to him much. You did note he seemed to be as red as you were in the face.

“I-I’m...uh, it’s… it’s fine.” You grabbed your hoodie off the couch and pulled it on, making sure it was covering you entirely and sitting down with your legs pulled up beneath you, cocooning your naked body in the garment completely. “What, uh...what can I do for you?”

Peaking at you out of the corner of his eye to ensure you were covered, he turned back and rubbed the back of his neck in embarrassment. “I, ah, wanted to check that you were alright. You hit the ground fairly hard. I got the code from my brother; I intended to wait for you here, but...” You blinked a little bit and gave a laugh that was just bordering on hysteric. This day just kept feeling a little too surreal for you.

“I’m not so old that one fall’s gonna shatter something,” You retorted with a slight tease; you weren’t old anyway, and you wouldn’t let anyone say you were, but you were pleased when he smiled a little indulgently. “I’m fine, Hanzo. A little bruised maybe, but I’ve had a  _ lot _ worse.” 

He gazed at you thoughtfully, tilting his head a little bit. “Have you?” He asked, as though it was any normal conversation topic. He perched himself on the couch beside you. He seemed to have an ever curious, if not somber air about him. 

“I’m sure you know I’m a little famous for my temper,” You retorted with a raised brow. At this, he smiled. You kind of liked the way he smiled; he had a very regal disposition in a way, and the smiles he gave were just on the edge of arrogant even when he had no reason to be. He still held his upbringing as the leader of a family. Of more than just a family. You thought for a brief moment on what Genji had said last night and wondered if carrying that with him was part of why he saw himself as irredeemable. 

“I cannot say that I do,” He replied, tilting his head. You pursed your lips a little, suddenly suspicious. 

“Are you here for yourself or for McCree?” He pulled back a little, looking surprised, and let out a low laugh.

“I am not here for him. He  _ is _ concerned about you, but I believe he knows to keep his space for the time being. I am simply curious; he’s told me many good things of you, but not quite of your… past here.” 

You stared at him for a moment, locking eyes with him and trying to read his expression. His eyes were dark and even when he was smiling had a sort of intimidation behind them. He met you unabashedly, with nothing to hide, and eventually you backed down, deciding he wasn’t lying to you.

“I...have a very bad temper. It was even worse when I first came here. I may have...punched our commander the second week I was here. I kind of swung without thinking, and I had a military background and a lot of experience with, y’know, fighting drunks and all, but he was a professionally trained super soldier. He kinda kicked my ass and pinned me with his knee and I had this  _ huge _ bruise over my sternum for like, a week.” He watched you with rapt attention, and you found yourself speaking about it easily to him.

“That was brave of you, then.” You smiled faintly and shook your head.

“No, it was stupid. Stupider when I picked a fight with him the second time.” He raised a brow.

“I thought that you were…” He trailed off, and for a brief moment you felt your expression fall. You quickly recovered. 

“Oh, so you do know that. Well, yeah, the first time was, like I said, about two weeks after I got here and he’d just been doing everything to get under my skin, before. The second was a month after that and he was being a thick headed ass.” You shrugged a little, smiling just a little to yourself as you imagined him agreeing as he had before. Quickly your face fell, and he seemed to notice.

“Have you eaten yet?” He asked, sitting up a bit and tilting his head a little as he looked at you. You blinked a few times at him, before shaking your head, confused by the sudden subject change. “Would you care to accompany me to get something?” You looked surprised now and shifted to gaze at him curiously.

“Do you mean going out somewhere, or from the dining hall?” You asked after a moment, and he chuckled faintly. You couldn’t help but notice his voice was incredibly smooth and his laughter had a breathy quality to it that, for some reason, made your lips twitch into a smile all the same.

“From the dining hall. I’m sure going exploring is not on the top of your list at the moment.” You smiled a little bit and tilted your head down a little bit.

“Sure. Give me a minute to get dressed?”

You saw his cheeks tint pink again, as if he’d forgotten the state you’d been in when he walked in. He nodded silently and stood, striding to the door and stepping outside without looking at you again. You stood off the couch and changed into a pair of jeans and a loose t-shirt, slipping your shoes on and making your way to the door once you were sure your things were out of the way. 

You joined Hanzo outside the room, smiling a bit when he glanced up at you from a phone that he slipped into his pocket upon seeing you. You narrowed your eyes a little at him suspiciously, though teasingly. “Hiding something?” He gave you an indulgent smile and shook his head. 

“Simply passing time. Shall we?” He gestured down the hallway, with a small bow that made you giggle faintly, and you nodded. The two of you fell into step, and you looked at him out of your peripheral. After a few moments, your lips pursed slightly, you decided it was time to ask the question still lingering in your mind.

“Why are you so interested in me?” You asked, and he glanced at you, brows raising in surprise and a half-smirk tilting his lips. He hummed thoughtfully for a moment, drawing out time before he answered.

“I find you curious. And I am...also curious of just what is so special about you, if I’m being honest. Jesse...reminds me of my brother, in ways, from before. I cannot help but wonder what in you made him want to hold so tightly.” 

You furrowed your brow a little in confusion. Genji had said that he was incredibly frivolous in his youth, and that he was known for being a bit of a playboy. You weren’t sure how you felt if Jesse gave Hanzo that impression now; you could only assume that was what he meant, by saying he was curious why Jesse stayed with you. The idea that he was sleeping around or something, though you had no right to claim he shouldn’t, left a sour taste in your mouth.

“I...see. Well, I can’t say I’m the same person he knew.” Your voice turned just a little cold, though not aimed  _ at _ Hanzo, and he studied you as you walked for a moment. His expression had sombered a little and he dipped his head slightly.

“Then I am curious of the person you have become, versus what I know of you. I know very well how grief may shape a person.” This time you didn’t look at him, trying to ignore the feeling of unpleasantness swirling in your stomach. You fell into silence, your head down as you tried to calm your discontent. Just out of the corner of your eye, you caught sight of Genji passing you, looking engrossed in something in his hand. 

“Hang on a sec,” You told Hanzo, turning and jogging slightly to catch up. “Genji, hey!” He turned to you, tilting his head questioningly. 

“Yes?” You almost thought you heard a smile in his voice.

“Did you get my message?” You asked, and he chuckled faintly. 

“I did. Why?” There was a pause as he glanced over your shoulder at Hanzo, who was looking back at you confusedly. “...Oh.”

“...Yeah, thanks. Your brother’s seen me naked now.” You gave him a look, as he laughed at this revelation, bowing his head slightly as though in apology. The smile - smug and playful - that you could hear in his tone counteracted that apologetic little gesture and you scowled at him, though not truly annoyed.

“I did not think you would still be in the shower, I am sorry.” He chuckled, and you shook your head a little. 

“No you’re not. I’ll let you get back to work though. Just wanted to make sure my message went through, turns out you’re just a bit of a brat.” You turned from him and heard him laugh softly again, the sound making your chest flutter a little; it was nice to hear after so long knowing him and hearing nothing like it before. 

You rejoined Hanzo, and the two of finished making your way to the dining hall. It was milling with a fair amount of people, and you almost wanted to turn and walk away after last night. Resisting the urge, you got your breakfast and found a place to sit, Hanzo across from you. He opened his mouth to say something, but was cut off by Winston calling to you both. 

You turned to see him moving through the tables carefully towards you. He smiled at you slightly, which you returned, and sat a small holoprojector on the table in front of you. 

“I’m glad I found you both. I have an assignment I’d like you to take on.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanna thank EVERYONE for the encouraging comments, both recent and not.  
> I never imagined so many people would like my work and it's very flattering. Reading back through comments is what's motivating me to keep working on this, and I hope I don't disappoint.  
> ♥♥♥♥
> 
> I also feel the need to note, I hope Hanzo doesn't seem incredibly out of character here. I see him written a lot as cold and aloof, but that just...never sits quite right for me when I write him ^.^''


	17. Recall (Part 4) Close Calls

“A few weeks ago, we decided that it’d be a good idea to do comprehensive scans of the nearby towns; security measures to make sure there weren’t any dangers nearby. Athena picked something up on our first scan,” Winston pressed one of the buttons on the holopad in front of you, a small three-dimensional blueprint of a building rising up from it. 

“This place was an old warehouse that Talon had started using not long before everything happened. We think what we picked up might be an old info cache; we’re not sure what of, but whatever it is, I think it’d be best if we make sure Talon doesn’t come back to get it. I’ve had scouts set up outside since we found it.” You leaned your elbow on the table, chin in your hand, while Winston spoke.

“So you want us to go retrieve it? Why haven’t you done that yet?” You asked, and he glanced at you. There was a faint smile on his face.

“It’s likely locked down, and while I might be able to set up puzzles and work with enabling their systems, I was never very good at disabling them. That’s why I want you to go. But even if the place seems empty, we can’t guarantee that you’ll be the only ones there, so I won’t send you alone. I...don’t want there to be too much friction on this assignment, so I thought since the two of you seem to be making friends, and Hanzo is quite capable, that I’d volunteer him to go with you.”

So basically, he would send Jesse, but he knew better than to try and force the two of you into working together too soon. You pursed your lips a little and looked at Hanzo, who shrugged on shoulder, not seeming to have any complaints. 

Well, you had hoped for something to do, right?

You pulled the holopad closer to you, shifting your plate of food to one side, and glanced out the corner of your eye at Winston. “I’ll need at least an hour to study this, and anything else you have on the place, before we go out. Is this Athena’s full scan or just the basics? I need to find out where there’ll be locks and map out a trajectory on where we’re going.” It felt good to be back into your work, even with the unpleasantness that simmered just on the edges of your mind. 

Winston nodded slightly, though he hummed. From a pocket on his uniform, he pulled out two small drives, as well as a second datapad which he handed to Hanzo. “The full details should be on those, and all the reports and general information we have.” You took the drives from him, and nodded again, plugging them into the holo to let the details unfurl.

You spent the next hour and a half pouring over the holo, figuring out entrances and exits, what were doors and what were just alcoves, and which doors looked like they’d be behind higher security than others. At first, Hanzo seemed a little put-off by how deeply you engrossed yourself into the study, wanting to have some sort of conversation over breakfast, but he quickly noticed that when you focused so heavily into your work, that darkness behind your eyes faded a little, and you didn’t quite look like you had a shadow hanging over your head constantly.

So he let you work, and in the same vein studied the reports that he’d been given by Winston, the two of you picking over your breakfast as the dining hall began to empty, until the only people left were those also pouring over paperwork. 

“Alright,” You spoke up after a while, drawing his attention, and pushed the holo to the middle of the table. “There are three doors in and out,” You pointed to each on the blueprint once Hanzo was paying attention. “Plus a hatch to the roof on the third floor storage. There are four total high-security locked doors, and the cache is behind one here.” You pointed to the small pinpoint behind a blue-highlighted security door. Then you traced your finger to a couple other points on the sides of the room. 

“There are three doors out of this room, all of them lead eventually to the hatch. There’s another security door in one of those paths, and the other two are on the bottom floor leading up. Our best bet is probably to try not to use many of those, if at all, so we should go in from the top if we can. After that it’s just, get in, grab the cache, and get out. Not that anything ever goes that easily, but it’s our base plan.” 

Hanzo nodded along as you spoke, watching your explanation intently. “The reports here show nothing of interest,” He motioned to the pad before him. “The scouts are set to watch all of the entrances and there’s been no sign of Talon activity. Just children who seem interested in the old thing.” You nodded slightly. Well, if they were still working on building themselves back up it wasn’t too surprising that they hadn’t gone back yet.

“We should head out as soon as possible; you have the address on that too?” Hanzo nodded in affirmation, and you smiled a little bit as you stood. “Then I guess we should go get suited up to go.” Which for you meant changing into something a little more befitting a stealth mission and grabbing your revolver. You parted ways just long enough for you to stop by and let Winston know you were going to head out, getting a couple earpieces for yourself and Hanzo to keep in touch with him, and then headed back to Angela’s to change.

Genji was sitting on the edge of the bed when you walked in, and glanced up curiously. You gave him a little nod and smiled, explained what was going on, and grabbed your things from your bag; you were in a bit of a hurry, wanting to keep your roll for this job since it was your first back and it was something to keep your mind busy.

“Be careful,” Genji spoke up when you were heading for the door, and when you looked back at him you couldn’t help but feel like he seemed more worried than he should. He’d gotten a little more somber than you were used to.

“What, don’t trust your brother?” You teased, trying to lighten the mood. He tilted his head a little, and shook his head faintly.

“I believe he will protect you if needed, but you are walking into an old Talon storehouse. Just...watch yourself.” You couldn’t help but feel like there was something Genji wasn’t telling you, but you nodded slightly all the same.

“I’ll be careful, and I’ll watch his back too.” With that, checking that you had your cloaking device - shoddy though it was right now - on your waist and your revolver tucked into its holster on your belt, you stepped outside to find Hanzo was already waiting. You handed him an earpiece, which you both put on and tested, and started for the garage. 

“He is concerned,” Hanzo mused, and you glanced sideways at him questioningly. His lips had turned into a faint smirk. “Genji. I could hear him. Does it bother you?” You arched a brow at that, stepping up to one of the available cars and slipping into the driver’s side while Hanzo took the passenger’s.

“Does what bother me, that he’s concerned about me specifically, or that he’s concerned about the mission itself?” you asked as you started the car, pulling out of the garage and punching the address to your destination into the GPS. Hanzo hummed thoughtfully, then shrugged.

“Both.”

“I mean...it’s sweet that he’s worrying about me, but I’m more concerned that he’s going to worry himself sick because of my state. I’m not even going to try and pretend that I’m in a good place, but I don’t want that to affect him. As for the mission, I think if there was anything to worry about Winston would know and would’ve told us, so…” You shrugged loosely, and Hanzo nodded in understanding. At least he didn’t seem to be the slightest bit worried, which made it easier for you to relax. 

The drive was spent, for the most part, in content silence as you poured over the plan in your mind. Here and there Hanzo would interrupt your thoughts with small, simple questions; your favorite place you’ve travelled, places you’d like to see, what sort of things you did to keep yourself entertained. It was pleasant, and he didn’t complain if you fell into silence again. As you got closer, though, you felt something in your belly, an unease that made your heart thump heavily. 

Your first mission back and it was only two of you. It made you think back to the first mission you’d taken with Blackwatch, in the midst of all the turmoil your life had been in then. You remembered the nervousness then, and felt that coming back. At least, you told yourself as you pulled into a parking lot about half a block from your destination, this wasn’t a high profile ball with far too many people around. 

“Are you alright?” Hanzo’s voice brought you out of your thoughts again, making your heart skip a little this time, and you glanced to see him studying you in concern. You smiled, a little weakly, and nodded your head once. 

“I’m just...not usually the one to go out. And this is my first mission in...a long time. A little nervous.” You blinked a little when Hanzo reached over and gently patted your head, the palm of his hand brushing over the side of your face lightly before he dropped it.

“It’ll be fine. I will make sure of it.” He said it with such certainty, you almost couldn’t help but believe him. You wished you could be as confident.

With a simple nod to acknowledge his assurance, the two of you stepped out of the car and looked around. It wasn’t too crowded, but it was also the middle of the day; you suspected most people here were working in some way or another. Hanzo moved to your side and silently bid you follow him, and the two of you left the locked car and slipped into a nearby alleyway. 

You made your way to the warehouse and, once ensuring that you weren’t visible - and a quick alert to Winston’s sentries that you were there and making your way inside - started to scale the building. Once again, you had to admire the grace the Shimada brothers had; while you’d attributed Genji’s to his augmented body, as you watched Hanzo scale the building with no problem at all you couldn’t help but wonder if it was just in their training.

Your own ascent was not nearly so smooth. Hanzo stopped on ledges when he could, to help pull you up as you struggled to find handholds and keep your footing at the same time. Eventually, you made it to the top of the building, stopping for a moment to catch your breath. While you collected yourself, Hanzo searched for a moment for the hatch inside; it didn’t take long to find, as it wasn’t exactly hidden. 

You made your way inside, your hand hovering instinctively near the holster on your hip, and listened intently. The only sound you could hear was the scurrying of rodents as light filtered into the top floor; the place was full of boxes upon boxes. It didn’t look like Talon had taken anything when they’d lost the place. There were three doors out of the room, and you took a moment to remember the blueprints before pointing to the far right.

“There’s a security door down that hall between us and the stairs; the other two should be free, assuming they’re not blocked off. Go test the left, I’ll take that one,” You motioned to the door behind you, and the two of you split off. Unfortunately, neither door seemed to be functional; yours had something blocking it from the other side, and Hanzo informed you over the radio that there were massive crates blocking the way through the hall behind his. Resigning to that, you met him at the third door and slipped through. It wasn’t long before you found the functional keypad for the security door, and with a device that let you holographically change the circuits, you opened the door and slipped through. 

On the next floor, you led the way to one of the side doors to the cache room; blocked off by more crates that seemed stacked to the ceiling. You glanced at Hanzo, frustrated, and motioned back down to the split in the hallway. “I’ll check the far end, you get the one closer.”

Again you split ways, tip-toeing your way down the hall and to one of the doors. As you reached for the handle, Winston’s voice sounded in your earpiece.

“My scouts just went silent; be careful and get out of there as soon as you can.” 

Your heart jumped into your throat, and you took a deep breath. You were this close, and if the scouts had been taken out, maybe the people here were going in from the bottom? You had to at least try, and since Hanzo hadn’t said anything in response, you thought perhaps he was thinking the same. 

Thankfully, this door wasn’t blocked off, and you managed to slip in, though the path was pretty tight, with crates and metal boxes on either side. You made your way a few yards in, intending to make your way through this little maze to the middle of the room where the cache should be, when a hand grabbed your arm and pulled you into an alcove made by the boxes. 

An arm holding you tight against a warm body, you prepared a scream, only to have a hand clamp over your mouth. “Quiet!” Hanzo hissed into your ear, the scream dying in your throat. You fell still, and listened.

The mechanical sound of the locks on the door leading to the ground floor whirred to life, the door opening soon after. Instinctively, you turned on the device at your waist, praying it wouldn’t give out again. Thanks to his proximity, the cloak enveloped both yourself and Hanzo, who’d yet to move his hand from your mouth. 

Both of you held your breath as three sets of footsteps made their way into the room, one lighter than the others. They moved to the middle of the room, and you heard shuffling. Damn, they were going to get it before you could.

Or so you thought.

“It isn’t here,” Spoke a deep voice, with a strangely familiar accent. This was met, for a moment, with silence, before a loud crash would’ve made you jump if you weren’t currently anchored down by Hanzo’s hold. 

“That isn’t going to help, Akande,” spoke a female voice you recognized. Was Dr. O’Deorain working for Talon now? You recognized the name Akande. One of their leaders? The details were a little fuzzy, though you remembered mention of him before the fall. 

“Go check the doors,” Ordered a new voice, one that sent chills down to your very core. It was gravely and ethereal, and for a very brief moment something unnoticed flickered to life in your chest. The fear that it sent through you, however, was enough to squash that before you could even tell it was there. Whatever, whoever that was, sounded inhuman. 

Heavy footsteps made your heartbeat skyrocket, as a dark figure stalked past your hiding spot. While it was dark enough that your cloak would keep you hidden, you felt that fear begin to simmer further in your chest. It wasn’t helped when the figure stopped and turned, and you were faced with a bone-white mask, at first making you think of a skull, though the design soon made you think otherwise. An owl, maybe?

While you knew you were hidden - you would have heard your cloak deactivate if it had - you were almost certain that this person could see you. Though you couldn’t see their face, you had that distinct feeling that you had locked eyes. Your chest was starting to ache from holding your breath, not to mention the way your heart was racing out of control. You didn’t dare try to take a breath with this thing staring you down, however. 

“Did you find something?” Came Moira’s voice, as cool and disinterested as ever, pulling the being’s attention. Turning away, the shadowy figure continued walking.

“No.” It was a short, no-questions-asked answer. Maybe they hadn’t seen you, then? You could almost feel Hanzo’s heart racing as hard as yours was. A few moments later, the one called Akande called out, alerting them to the unlocked door that you’d gotten in through. “They’re upstairs, then. Go, look for them. They can’t have gotten far.”

You waited, still not daring to breathe, until you heard three distinct sets of footsteps walking on the floor above. Then Hanzo released you, and the two of you made a - surprisingly near-silent - dash for the door  to the ground floor. You didn’t stop running until you were out of view of the building, thankful that the doors hadn’t re-locked on being closed. 

Your name came through the earpiece, as you and Hanzo both leaned on a nearby wall, getting strange looks from passersby. Better that, than stay hidden and risk being caught by the talon operatives. You doubled over, hands on your knees, as the cloak - useless in daylight - flickered and deactivated. Panting for breath, you shook your head.

“That...that was….fucking hell. And we didn’t even get the damn thing.” You glanced up at Hanzo, surprised to see him grinning, even as he fought to catch his breath as well. At least adrenaline was enough to knock the wind out of him, and you weren’t alone there. He held up a small, metallic, mechanical box. 

“You’re just slow,” He replied with a laugh. You stared at him for a moment, and then let out a laugh of your own, bordering on hysteric. 

Just then, Winston’s voice crackled in your ear, concerned. 

“We’re here, just...catching our breath,” You panted out, and you heard a little bit of activity on the other end before he spoke again.

“You’re alright then? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, nothing, just...ran. And, Winston?” 

The scientist, seeming relieved by your safety, gave a questioning hum, muttering to Athena to check your positions. 

“I really fucking hope you didn’t send us in there knowing the Reaper might show up.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm reading your comments, I promise, and don't worry...  
> A little bit of everything's in store :)


	18. Recall (Part 5) In the Dark

The silence you were met with was, you had to admit, unexpected. You’d expected concern, maybe, or brief panic before relief, or even just teasing. What you didn’t expect was the uncomfortable length of silence, and the tone of Winston’s voice when he spoke.

“Did you engage?” He sounded wary, but also a little surprised, so at least he hadn’t expected the appearance. You were still indignant at this question.

“What? No! Christ, Winston, I know I’m reckless but it’s not like I’ve got a fuckin’ death wish.” As you spoke, you and Hanzo, finally catching your breath, made your way back to the car. When you got inside, Hanzo immediately stowed the cache in the glove box, and sat back, looking at you curiously. You were staring ahead as you were again met with a few moments of silence. 

“Of course not,” He finally replied, though you could hear a slight commotion in the background. “I just...had to be sure, you know, make sure--”

“I would not have let her if she tried.” Hanzo’s voice startled you, as it came both from beside you and through your earpiece. Adrenaline apparently still running rampant through your veins, you jumped, putting your hand to your heart. His voice was a little cold, as if he was insulted by the idea that Winston believed he’d be so careless as to let you risk that. When you glanced at him, he’d finally looked away, and was instead looking out the window and around the car, watching for the reemergence of any of the three you’d heard in the warehouse. 

“O-of course not,” Winston said again, stammering this time, flustered. “I didn’t mean to insult either of you, I just...didn’t expect someone so high profile to show up while you were there. I...suppose it’s safe to assume what happened to my scouts…” As he trailed off, you felt a stab of guilt twisted with sympathy somewhere in your stomach.

“Winston, do you want us to go look for them?”

“No!” 

“No.” They spoke at the same time, but when Hanzo spoke this time it wasn’t through the radio; only to you. And again it was flat and somewhat chilled, though it didn’t give you the same inclination as his tone with Winston had; more over, it felt like a command; like you were by no circumstances to go back there with Talon now lurking about. 

Why were both of the Shimada’s so invested in you like this? Genji you could understand, you’d known him over a decade now, but you were a little shocked at the protective aura coming off of Hanzo right now. Winston’s response wasn’t quite enough to keep you from staring at him curiously. 

“Whatever you do, don’t put yourselves at risk. You got what you went there for, and those men knew the risk they were taking. I’ll send another recon out later to look for them, though knowing the Reaper, it’s unlikely that there’ll be any hope of finding them alive. Just get back to base.” 

You sighed a little, but nodded, though Winston couldn’t see you. Then you blinked and glanced up and at Hanzo again. “Wait, how do you know we got it?” Hanzo’s lips turned up into a smirk again, that chill about him melting away. There was a faint smile in Winston’s voice when he spoke.

“Athena monitors every Overwatch vehicle, and she’s already downloading the information for review.”

...You’d forgotten just how thorough Overwatch could be. 

“Alright, we’ll be back in a little while.” Then, an impish thought crossed your mind. You let the radio sit for a moment, the line open, as you started up the car, thinking about the commotion you’d heard in the background. If other people were listening in, it’d be fun to toy with them - and Winston and Hanzo - a little bit. 

“Athena?” You spoke out loud, Hanzo glancing at you curiously. 

“Agent Cienne?” That was still a little weird, but not entirely surprising that they’d installed your pseudonym. 

“Is there video monitoring for the cars as well?” 

“There is, Agent Cienne.” 

“Good to know. How much do you have left over from before?”

You always wondered if Athena was, indeed, simply a virtual intelligence, or even artificial intelligence; you’d never quite gotten the answer. However, the way she replied made you think she was just as amused as you were by this, if she could be.

“Everything.”

“Ah!” You made a show of sounding slightly flustered. “Good to know. Could you please scrub the video surveillance you have from the trip that Gabriel and I took up north?” After a pause, as an afterthought not to Athena, you mused aloud; “Note to self, don’t give road head in an Overwatch vehicle again.” 

Hanzo seemed to choke on his own breath, and immediately Winston, sputtering, came over the radio again.

“Your radio is still on,” He informed you, while in the background you heard three distinct, familiar boughts of laughter, two distinctly more flustered than the other. 

You couldn’t hide the wide smirk on your lips. “Winston, how many people have been watching this entire teeny little mission of ours?” There was a moment of silence that, this time, dripped with guilt, before the three evesdroppers themselves spoke up.

“Angela-”

“Genji-

“-and Lena. And I love you,” Lena’s laughter was purely delighted, while you could almost visualize the pink dusting Angela’s cheeks right now. You shook your head a little, pulling onto the highway that would, eventually, lead you back to base.

“Guys, you do realize you don’t have to babysit me, right? I know I didn’t go on many front-line missions before, but I still know what I’m doing. And I didn’t come back to Overwatch just so I could get myself killed. If that was my goal, there are plenty of better ways to go about it that don’t involve dragging other people down with me.” You heard a mumbled apology from your current roommates, and Lena giggled brightly.

“In my defense, love,” She chirped cheerfully, making you smile again; you’d missed the bright ray of sunshine that Lena was. “I only came in to bother Winston and saw the three of them huddled around the monitor. I’m not tryin’a babysit, I’m just nosy!”

You couldn’t help but laugh. Shaking your head, you let out a heavy, good-natured sigh, and reached up to shut off the line with a quiet ‘See you guys soon,’ pulling the earpiece out and setting it down beside yourself. You drove in silence for a little while, before glancing sideways at Hanzo.

Who happened to be staring very hard out the windshield, his brow furrowed as if he was focusing intensely on something you couldn’t see, with his hands folded in his lap. You felt curiosity bubbling up in your chest. 

“Everything okay, Hanzo?” Your voice seemed to startle him, as he jumped and glanced at you, though barely shifting his stance. His cheeks colored a little bit, which did nothing to calm your curiosity, and he nodded, flustered. 

“I am...fine. And you are conniving.” You flashed him a wide grin. 

“They deserved that, listening in on things they don’t need to.”

“Perhaps, but did I?”

“You’ve been a cheeky shit since we left. Why, getting ideas, Shimada? Images in your head or something?” It’d been a long time since you’d tried flirting in any capacity, so you were pretty pleased when that seemed to get a rise out of him, his cheeks turning a darker shade as he looked away from you, shifting and turning himself to face the door slightly. You resisted the urge to glance at his lap when he crossed his arms tight over his chest.

“What do you know of the Reaper?” 

You were a little surprised by the sudden change of subject, even more so by the subject matter itself. 

“I mean, what everyone knows, I guess? Or the rumors, at least. Merciless phantom that stalks battlefields, leaves corpses drained of life in his wake. Not someone to fuck around with. Hell, even civilians talk about that stuff, they’re terrified of him. No one seems to know who he is though.” You shrugged loosely, and Hanzo gave a low hum.

“I had hoped you may know more, with the way you responded to Winston,” He admitted, tilting his head as he focused on this to keep his mind occupied. “You are right that no one really seems to know who he is. At least, no one we can speak to. I suspect perhaps those he works with do, but…” 

“But that’s not really an option,” you finished for him, and he nodded. Your mind went back to the voices you’d heard, and the one name. Akande. But you were more interested in--

“Athena, can you patch Winston into the car’s radio system?” You spoke suddenly, startling Hanzo, and Athena gave an affirmative before you heard the sound of the scientist working again. 

“Winston?”

It sounded like he jumped, but quickly responded with a questioning “yes?”

“I got so distracted by the Reaper and then messing with you guys, I...kind of forgot. Moira was there.” 

“...Of course she was.” His voice went a little bit dark. “I...get the feeling she’s curious about the Reaper. And Talon will let her do work we won’t. You know as well as the rest of us she didn’t have a very strong code of ethics.” You hummed, remembering how much Angela had disliked the blackwatch medic from the start. Jesse’d had his reservations too, as you remembered. She’d always made you uncomfortable, but you never thought she was so morally ambiguous as to turn to Talon for freedoms. 

This time, when you fell silent, Athena cutting the line again after a bit, your mind was muddled with uncomfortable thoughts of confronting her some day. And of possibly facing the Reaper; the ghost that seemed to set everyone on edge. Just hearing his voice had sent ice through your blood. Maybe they had a good reason to be afraid of him.

“You knew one of them?” Hanzo asked curiously, and you nodded faintly.

“She used to the medic for Blackwatch. I’d be surprised if you hadn’t heard of her; Jesse was never fond, nor was Angela. She’s...got some pretty questionable methods.” You shifted in your seat as your brow furrowed a little in thought. “Never really thought she’d switch sides, but I’d guess Winston is probably right. Talon likely lets her do whatever she wants as long as she produces for them, and she’s brilliant enough she will.” 

Hanzo, seeming slightly relieved by the ease at which he’d distracted your attention, now also seemed a little sympathetic. “It is never easy to realize those close were not who you thought. Or perhaps, worse than you thought.” You wondered, as you glanced at him, who he thought of when his eyes darkened. You’d have to get the full story about what happened from either him or Genji. Though, from what you  _ did _ know, Hanzo probably had a bit more to tell.

You hummed softly, and the two of you fell into silence the rest of the drive. When you pulled into the garage, you were surprised - and displeased - to see Jesse waiting, clearly for your return as he straightened up when the car pulled it. To your surprise, aside a brief glance in your direction, he seemed to be respecting your want for space from him. He gave only a nod of acknowledgement before turning his attention to Hanzo. “Can I have a word with ya?”

Hanzo blinked in surprise, glanced at you, then nodded. “Of course. I will meet you at your room? I would like to change out of this first, it is uncomfortably sweaty.” You hid a small smirk; there was something extremely comforting about being around someone, finally, who seemed to actually show their exhaustion and weren’t damn near in-human in their endurance. Jesse nodded, and with a bid farewell, you parted ways from the two of them to head back to Angela’s room.

You decided it was probably best to knock, just in case - it was mid-late afternoon at best, but you didn’t want to end up barging in on anything you didn’t need to see. Genji bid you enter, and you stepped inside, unstrapping the belt from around your waist as you did. He glanced up from the couch and tilted his head; you felt a sense of relief off of him. You could hear Angela in the bathroom, muttering to herself in German and possibly changing clothes, by the sound of it.

“I didn’t actually expect you guys to be here,” You laughed, and Genji tilted his head the other way and let out a laugh; you imagined a raised brow and an unbelieving expression.

“And yet, you knocked,” he teased, and you rolled your eyes.

“Look, just because the two of you are workaholics doesn’t mean there isn’t the small possibility you’ve snuck in some time to get dirty or something, and that’s not my business to walk in on. Better safe than sorry.” You stuck your tongue out at him, and he laughed again as you set your belt - with your holster and cloak - down on the dresser next to your bag - which you assumed he’d moved to the dresser to get it safely out of the way.

“We are going out tonight, though I imagine she will be glad you’ve come back before we leave.” He mused, about the same time Angela, in a pair of jeans, a swoop-necked top, and her hair let down, stepped out of the bathroom. The way she looked left you momentarily breathless, though the anxiety in her smile when she looked at you brought you back to earth.

“I am indeed; I just want to ensure you’re alright.” She moved to you, reaching up and putting her thumbs to your cheeks, checking you over briefly. “A run in like that is… well. Are you okay? How do you feel?” 

You blinked at her a few times and frowned slightly. “Like the two of you are going to worry yourself sick over nothing. Even if Hanzo hadn’t had me in a full-body lock in the shadows, it’s not like I’m reckless enough to go head-to-head with someone like the Reaper, for God’s sake.” 

Angela gave you an entirely disbelieving, ‘I know you better than that’ kind of look. “Well…” And then, just as suddenly, she looked guilty and quickly stopped speaking. Your brow furrowed, feeling a sting in your chest somewhere, hurt by the fact everyone seemed to think you were  _ that _ reckless, or dumb.

“Well what? Do you really think I’m that stupid?” You crossed your arms and took a few steps back from her, scowling. She looked sheepish and upset with herself, and it almost made you feel bad for being angry. “Seriously, what the hell is going on? I know I’m fucked up, but why do you guys seem to think I have a death wish? If I wanted to die I’d have killed myself a long fucking time ago, it’s never been like I have some moral dilemma where I’d have to make someone else do it.” 

“Liebling, no, no,” Angela quickly moved to you and put her arms around you, undeterred by your stiff response and lack of returning the gesture. “It isn’t-- I don’t think you’re stupid, and I know you aren’t trying to die I just… it’s just…” She trailed off as she pulled away. “I cannot help that I worry, and a run-in with someone like him is something to worry about. I...we don’t want to lose you again, we’ve missed you.” Behind her, Genji nodded minutely. 

And you didn’t believe her at all. This didn’t feel like simple worry, and she didn’t seem to want to believe that you took the situation seriously. “You’re a bad liar.” You accused, and her brow furrowed briefly.

“It isn’t a lie that I worry about you, lieb-”

“No, but it is a lie that it’s just because he showed up. This really feels like you guys know something I don’t that makes you all think I’d risk my life to engage with who might be the world’s most dangerous person right now. First Winston and now you.” You saw her shift guiltily again. Too bad you couldn’t fathom what that might be.

“I--”

“We should go,” Genji suddenly spoke, and his voice sounded a little bit guarded. “We are going to be late if we don’t.” Angela, you saw, breathed out a sigh of relief and nodded her head, glad for an excuse to escape this exchange. You scowled slightly, wanting answers, but sighed and stepped away, deciding it would be better if you didn’t push and end up in an argument; you could feel your temper starting to simmer up under your skin already.

“We’ll probably be late,” Angela said gently, reaching out but deciding against touching you this time. “Don’t worry about waiting up, we’ll be quiet when we come in.” You nodded mutely and sat heavily on the edge of the bed, pulling your phone out of your pocket. Still fidgeting guilily, Angela let Genji lead her out of the room, and you looked up after them as the door closed.

Your team - your  _ friends _ \- were keeping you in the dark, and you wanted to know why.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a minute, sorry about that! ^.^; Life's been a Little weird and hectic.  
> Thank you all for the support, and I hope you enjoy the reader being a Little Shit  
> And, y'know. Absolutely oblivious.   
> :3


	19. Recall (Part 6) Distraction

As much as you wanted answers for your friends’ behavior, you really had no options. Winston was good at shutting you out when he wanted to, and would brush you off with ease. You didn’t know that asking Lena would get you anywhere, if she really was as detached as she claimed. For now, your roommates were clearly out of the picture, and the only other person that may know something was Jesse; and you weren’t about to go to him for this. Not right now.

Your next best option was to get your mind on something else. But what was there to do, but wander the base and delve into heartache?

Well, you did want to get to know Hanzo better. You could always go by his room and see if he was around and finished talking with Jesse. If not, well...you’d find something. You were creative, sometimes, right?

Changing out of your gear and into something more comfortable, you debated for a moment leaving your phone and the tablet Genji had given you in the room. You weren’t so sure you should, but if they were going to avoid you, was it really so bad to return the favor? You dropped both into your bag and left before you could think better of it, marching towards…

You realized, after half a second, you didn’t have any idea where you were going. Being around Hanzo felt so natural, you were already starting to forget that you barely knew the man. That you’d known him less than two days, at that. And that you had no clue where he was staying on base. 

Frowning, your brow furrowed, you started to wander then, going down old paths, trying to ignore the tug that would lead you to your old room or your other haunts on base. Looking for some indication or maybe hoping you’d run into him. You were walking for nearly half an hour before you finally stopped, crossing your arms and realizing you might just need to ask for help.

“Never thought I’d see ya look lost in this place after all these years,” You let out a startled sound and jumped, Jesse’s voice sending your heart skittering. Patting a hand over your heart as though to soothe its sudden racing, you turned to look at him, half-frowning, only to be met with a half-smirk and a familiar glimmer in his eyes that made your blood warm.

You were still waiting for that repentance, you reminded yourself, now scolding your heart for its skittering rhythm. 

“I’m looking for someone,” You replied, not quite as cool as you had recently but still not entirely inviting. His brow quirked slightly and he tilted his head, studying you. As if he knew just what was on your mind. You weren’t sure you liked the fact that he still seemed to read you oh so easily.

After a moment of looking at you, he stepped forward and before you could register the action, grabbed hold of your wrist, tugging you in the opposite direction you’d been going. Immediately, instinctively, you dug your heels in and pulled back. 

“Excuse you!” You scowled, and when he turned to look at you there was an odd look in his eyes. Almost pained, and yet entirely done.

“Would you just come with me, you insufferably stubborn woman?” He barked; there was a laugh in his voice that made the words sing a little less, but you blinked at him in surprise all the same. As if momentarily quelled, you let him lead you by the hand through the base. 

After assuring he didn’t need to drag you along, he slowed his pace so you could fall into step with him. You were barely letting yourself think about where you were going, distracted by the warmth of his fingers around your wrist. By the time it did register that he was leading you back towards the Q block, your heart was hammering in your ears.

You’d forgotten just what his touch did, and the memories that were flooding back were making your chest ache in such a confusing way. 

You were starting to think he planned to take you back to your old room, and thought there would be some kind of sick irony in the idea that Hanzo might be living where you once had, but instead he stopped at a room closer to the training arena, releasing you and motioning to the door.

“I’d knock, just to be on the safe side,” He mused, gazing at you with one brow cocked and his eyes glittering. He was far from oblivious to how your pulse had raced beneath his fingertips. You looked away, flustered, and shifted uncomfortably. 

“Thanks,” You finally offered begrudgingly. He grunted faintly and turned to head further down the hallway. You wondered if he’d taken his old room, or had one of the bigger suites. Would he have taken Gabriel’s? You didn’t really want to think about that. 

After giving yourself a few moments to settle your racing heart, you reached up and knocked twice on the door. “Come in,” Came Hanzo’s voice, causing the door to slide open. You stepped inside and immediately froze. Whatever calm you’d finally brought your heart disappeared. You were staring at Hanzo’s back. His bare back. He wore low-hanging lounge pants that clung to his hips. Your eyes skimmed up, over tattooed skin, that rippled with musculature and was littered with scars. His hair was hanging down around his shoulders, though you watched as he expertly pulled it up as he usually wore it, his head turning so he could look at you as he did so.

“Ah,” He said your name in a way that was far too amused and you realized you were probably staring, mouth agape. “To what do I owe the pleasure?” As he spoke, he picked up a t-shirt and turned towards you. You couldn’t quite answer, too busy looking over the front of his tattoo, your eyes wandering over his chest and down, the lines of his abdomen.

“Something on your mind?” He mused, in a tone that was nearly identical to the one you’d used earlier today. You tore your eyes away to meet his, and narrowed them slightly. 

“Just because  _ I’m _ a brat, doesn’t mean  _ you _ have to be a brat,” You accused, and he grinned at you in a knowing way that made you shiver slightly.

“Perhaps not.” He mused, pulling the t-shirt on with a hum. “Perhaps it means I should remind myself what is to be done with brats.” You blinked a few times at him, caught of guard. He was turning this afternoon around on you and you weren’t sure how you felt about it, except that there was a familiar and yet wholly unusual feeling creeping up your spine. 

Seeing the flustered confusion in your eyes, Hanzo gave a low laugh that did nothing to help it, and his stature eased a little bit, dropping a stance you hadn’t realized he’d even been holding as he stepped closer. “I am certain you didn’t come here with the purpose of being teased, I apologize.” 

You narrowed your eyes again and huffed a little. “No, I didn’t, and you certainly don’t seem as shy as you did earlier.” You grumped a little bit, and then shifted your weight. “But, that being said, I didn’t really have much of a purpose; just wanted to hang out, I guess.”

“Oh?” He mused, tipping his head a little to look down at you. 

“Angie and your brother are avoiding me,” you spoke bluntly, shrugging your shoulders. “I get the feeling Winston will be too. Since getting answers isn’t an option, I thought I’d try to get to know you better.” 

“Getting answers?” He asked, curious, his brow raised. You scrunched your nose a little. 

“I’d rather not talk about it, to be honest. Whatd’ya say? Maybe some of that sake and the mountains?” You asked, with a half-smile. He arched a brow further, letting out a low laugh.

“Do not think that I won’t press you for answers eventually.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's a bit short, but I didn't want to drag it on and I have some plans for the next chapter. Hopefully.  
> <3
> 
> So uh, that new hanzo skin huh?


	20. Recall (Part 7) Budding Frustrations

It was a little painful, leading Hanzo through the training arena. He didn’t miss your shoulders going stiff, nor the determined way you stared straight ahead, towards the open air gallery. What he didn’t know is you were trying desperately to keep your mind on him, and not let the ghosts from the night before creep up in your vision. 

You were already getting just a little bit better at scaling up the buildings, and you found yourself atop the same one you and Genji had spoken on before. Hanzo, with a few carefully protected bottles at his waist, made it look criminally easy, of course. The two of you sat, feet dangling off the edge of the building, and looked out over the mountains.

“What is it, exactly, that you would like to know?” Hanzo queried, as he pulled a bottle out and opened it. You knew it was pretty uncivilized to drink it straight from the bottle, but Hanzo didn’t seem terribly bothered by subverting tradition for the time being. It wouldn’t be the first time he’d watched someone put the bottle to their lips without a second thought.

He certainly hoped you weren’t going to follow the same self-destructive road that Jesse seemed to be going down. The two of you needed to fix things, not separately fall apart and have nothing left to rebuild.

You shrugged loosely, taking the bottle when he offered it, and brought it to your lips. It was a nice, sweet flavor that you had enjoyed quite a bit on your travels, though this certainly tasted far more  _ expensive. _ Not in any way a bad thing.

“I mean, if I wanted to be blunt I’d just get to the hard stuff,” You mused, offering the bottle back. He took it and sipped the same you had, arching a brow, waiting for the ‘but.’ “But neither of us has had enough to drink to go into darker stuff yet. So...tell me about you. What sort of things you do for fun, music you enjoy...y’know. Let's get to know each other.” 

He chuckled softly, and tilted his head. “I cannot say I have many hobbies these days,” He hummed faintly, as the two of you settled into a rhythm of passing the sake between yourselves. You didn’t notice that he was drinking considerably less than you were on each pass. “I practice. I hone my strengths. Occasionally I will be coerced into going into town, but I am...not much for being around people often, if I’m honest.”

You nodded faintly. Knowing the kinds of places Jesse frequented - and assuming that it would be the cowboy who would convince Hanzo to go out on the town - you weren’t surprised by that information. 

“I was never one for frivolity, even when I was young. Though I suppose that comes with being raised as a scion for something as important as my family’s...businesses.” He leaned back on his hands, and you glanced at him, looking over the way the t-shirt he’d chosen clung to his musculature just enough to show through at the arms, and the way it rode up just a little to let you see the line disappearing from his hip into his pants.

“What kind of training do you like to do?” You asked, tearing your eyes away as you brought the bottle to your lips again. Already you were feeling the warmth in your belly, and you knew you should probably slow down. You weren’t so sure you were going to, though. At least not without his prompting.

“It depends on the mood I find myself in,” He replied, this time not taking a drink but just holding the bottle against his leg for the moment. “I find myself below here often enough, it is quite nice to have a reasonable target training area. I enjoy swimming some days, too, though the facility is often too crowded for my liking.”

Your eyes lit up as you glanced at him, grinning. “We could go swimming at night some time. I think the only one usually up very late is Angie, and I doubt she’d be going that way. Well, and Genji, but the guy doesn’t seem to sleep so…” You shrugged. Plus, what would a cyborg do at a swimming pool?

...You wondered if Genji  _ could _ swim. Rain never seemed to bother him, but was he fully waterproof?

Hanzo’s chuckle drew you out of your thoughts and you glanced at him to find him gazing intently at you. “You like swimming?” He asked thoughtfully, and you laughed.

“Love it. There’s something kinda freeing about it. Plus it’s fun to show off.” Your eyes glimmered, and he quirked a brow. You just met his gaze and let him deduce what you meant. When his lip turned into a slight smirk, you gave a triumphant smile.

“Perhaps we will some day, then. Not tonight, though.” He passed you the sake back, still not having taken a drink, and you sipped without thinking. “I believe getting you down from this building will be challenging enough, I would rather not give my brother  _ more _ reason to kill me should you drown.” 

You hummed, and decided not to protest as you took a second drink before passing it back. “I don’t think Genji believes he’s got any reason to kill you,” You mused, leaning back on the building until your shoulders met cold metal. Hanzo leaned over you slightly with an arched brow.

“Do you not?” 

You shook your head. “He says he’s forgiven you. That it’s you that hasn’t forgiven yourself.”

Hanzo’s eyes darkened, just slightly, and he turned his gaze back to the horizon. This time, when he brought the bottle to his lips, he drank for a good few moments before letting it drop again, licking a stray drop from his bottom lip. You watched from where you lay, feeling a little something stir the warmth the sake left in your belly. 

“What answers do you seek?” He asked suddenly, and you blinked at him a few times. He still wasn’t looking at you, though he did offer the bottle back. You took it, sitting up long enough to take a deep swig, grunting noncommittally. 

“Don’t think you’d have ‘em, to be honest,” You mused, laying back again, the bottle now pressed to your leg as you hadn’t yet passed it back. He hummed, not seeming interested in yet pressing the issue, and reached for the bottle to prise it from your fingers.

“Perhaps my brother is correct,” He sighed, tipping back what was left in the bottle, after a stretch of silence as the sun began to go down over the mountains, leaving you awash once more in a golden glow that was slowly fading to darkness. “But I have not earned forgiveness. His, nor my own.” 

“I can’t say for your own,” You drawled, watching him with your hands resting on your belly. “But it isn’t your choice if you’ve earned his or not. If he decides you have, then I’d say you have, whether you believe you deserve it or not.” 

“You think so?” Hanzo’s voice held a faint note of bitterness, and you let out a soft laugh.

“I do. We don’t get to choose other people’s feelings. You may not accept his forgiveness, but it seems like as far as he’s concerned, you’ve earned it.” Hanzo rumbled a faint noise in response, setting the empty bottle aside and letting out a faint sigh. 

“Perhaps.” He mused simply, as he watched the sun slowly sinking behind the horizon, stars beginning to dot the night sky. “It will be some time yet before I restore the honor I shed that day.” Slowly, you pulled yourself into a sitting position again, and - surprising him - leaned your shoulder into Hanzo’s with a hum.

“What happened?” You asked gently, dipping your head to try and catch his gaze. He didn’t deny you that. There was an odd sort of darkness in his eyes that made you feel both like you were in danger and yet safer here than you’d been in some time. 

“You will think of me differently.” He murmured, his voice dropping a bit, and you rolled your eyes slightly. You were feeling a little loose from the sake at this point. 

“Hanzo,” You sighed, resting your temple against his shoulder and smiling to yourself when he seemed to reflexively lean his cheek against the top of your head. “I barely know you as it is. And what I do know is that years ago, you tried to kill your brother. And trying to kill your brother seems to have brought a lot of regret and self-loathing, and it’s made you try to work for good, to find redemption for what you did. How or why it happened isn’t going to change that it’s made you into the man I’m getting to know now. You aren’t the same person; neither of us are who we were ten, twenty years ago.” 

You felt, more than heard him sigh, his shoulder heaving with the action. He grabbed one of the other bottles, opened it, and took a quick swig before offering it to you. You took it and held it for a moment in your lap, waiting to see if he’d respond. 

“You’re not entirely wrong,” He hummed, looking out at the horizon. It was such a strange feeling to him, feeling that he could tell this story and that you really wouldn’t change your opinion of him. He had seen how cold you were capable of being, and yet you seemed to wholly open to him, so willing to look past the bad he’d done. “It is not  _ trying _ to kill him that made me who I am. Until a few years ago, I believed I  _ had _ killed him. I believed him dead. That is what made me into the bitter man I am. To find that someone I had thought a decade dead was living, whatever his alterations were, was…jarring.” 

Your mind wandered, briefly, to how that could possibly feel. You thought of Gabriel, and how it would feel to find he was still alive after all these years. Your heart ached, and you brought the bottle to your lips, taking a deep drink before setting it back in your lap. “I...can only imagine.” 

Hanzo shifted his weight a little bit, reaching for the bottle in your hand, though for a moment he let his arm rest across your lap. “My brother and I are...very different people. I have always been duty-bound, while Genji...has not. And our father doted on him fairly heavily when he was alive.” He spoke in a slow, methodical way, finally taking the bottle to drink from it before returning his arm to where it had been. 

“When my father died, the elders of my clan convinced me that I needed to reign him in. I was...am...a very hotheaded individual, perhaps more so now than then. Genji was always one for frivolity...indulgence. It infuriated me when he would not take on responsibility for the clan. We fought constantly.” He shifted again, turning his head to bury his face in your hair as he spoke. “One day I snapped. With his back to me, unarmed, unaware...I struck him down. When I realized, later...what I had done. I left the clan. I eventually vowed to reclaim my honor...and I have never wielded a blade since.” 

You hummed faintly, putting a hand on his forearm. Fingers tracing absently over the lines of his tattoo. “Misery isn’t the path to redemption, you know.” You murmured, your voice just a little slurred; you weren’t quite drunk yet, but you were certainly feeling it creeping up on you. You gently took the bottle from him to take another drink.

“Should one who has committed heinous acts not earn their happiness?” He retorted softly, his forearm tensing slightly beneath your touch. You smiled as you put the bottle back in his hand after a few moments drinking.

“There are people... _ good _ people. Dead, because of my greed. Some by my own hands. There are others, who’s good work was ruined by my maliciousness. When I was in the military, I was consumed by the need to get anything, everything I could for myself. It lead to my discharge, and for a year or two I was furious...until I realized I’d ruined not just my own life, but the lives of a hundred others.” You murmured slowly, softly. The words flowed a little easier with the warmth in your veins. “I started trying to do good things...but it’s hard to do when you’re known for the horrible things you’d done. My second chance came with Overwatch.”

He let out a soft, thoughtful hum, and as your fingers traveled over the back of his hand, he tipped it, so that his palm was up, and you began tracing the lines of his hand, feeling the rough callouses that came with his chosen line of combat. 

“A lot of us here have done terrible things, Hanzo.” You looked up at him, your vision a little fuzzed at the edge, and he pulled back to meet your gaze. “It doesn’t mean we don’t deserve to be happy now. We’re trying to make the world better. Doesn’t that count for anything, even when we have blood on our hands?” 

He sighed again, his fingers curling around your hand when you rested it in his palm, enveloping it in warmth. With your free hand, you put the sake bottle to your lips again and drank, taking more this time than you had been. You offered him the now near-empty bottle, which he took and finished with a low sound. 

“I cannot find it in myself to believe I deserve happiness. I look at my brother and see what I did...what I took from him. I struck down a young man who had no chance to defend himself. I am...a coward, at best.” His tone was so bitter and chilling, it made your brow furrow and a frown etch itself onto your lips. 

Unsteadily, you shifted yourself up, swung a leg over his, and straddled him, putting your hands heavily onto his shoulders. When you wobbled and threatened to topple backwards, he grabbed your hips and pulled you tight to him, pushing himself back and pulling you with him so you weren’t on the very edge of the building upon which you were perched. 

“What are you--” You silenced him with a finger to his lips, swaying, your eyes narrowed slightly.  _ Now _ you were drunk, and there was a fierce sort of determination in your eyes as you settled on his lap and returned your hands to his shoulders to hold yourself steady. 

“Maybe you  _ were, _ but don’t call yourself that now.” You spoke slowly and deliberately, your fingers digging into his shoulders. You noticed a faint wince, but he didn’t complain. His own were gripping tight to your hips, though you were no longer in danger of falling to your death. 

“A coward doesn’t...doesn’t try to right his mistakes.” You slurred, making sure you kept your eyes as focused as you could manage on his. “I’m...I’m not saying it wasn’ your fault. Or that y’can’t blame yourself. Maybe… maybe you can’t change what happened, but...but you know what you can do?  _ Are _ doing?” 

He stared up at you for a moment, dumbfounded, completely caught off guard by the passion in your drunken gaze. He shook his head mutely, and your hands moved, to the sides of his neck, up to cup either side of his jaw. 

“You can try to make the world a better place...so people don’t...get pushed to do what you did. And y’can… y’can forgive yourself, and accept that even the one you wronged forgives you...believes in you. Work with him...with us… t’make a better world. You’re not… not a coward, Hanzo. Cowards… cowards don’t admit their wrongs… people like Sombra… Moira… the Reaper... _ Talon. _ They’re the cowards. Not you. N-not us.” 

His brow was furrowed, and you swayed a little harder. Oh boy, that last half-bottle was definitely hitting you harder than you expected it to. The two of you stared at each other for a long time, Hanzo at a loss for words, wanting to argue but seeming muted by the pure passion behind the way you spoke. It stirred something deep in his core. 

“Hanzo…” You suddenly felt an urge in your chest you fought to suppress, but it was like he knew immediately. Before his name had even fully left your lips, he leaned up and caught your mouth with his. You curled your fingers into his jaw a little and kissed him, hard and hot and a little clumsy. He pulled you close to him, parting his lips for your searching tongue, his fingers digging into your hips. He was going to leave marks just from that. 

The sake on your tongues made the kiss taste so sweet, and you sought more, pressing yourself close to him. He wrapped his arms more tightly around your middle, clinging to you, like you’d float away if he didn’t. 

You kissed him until you were both breathless, panting, and even then drew back only long enough for a few deep breaths before diving back in, your hands sliding back down his neck to curl into the collar of his t-shirt. You moved your body into his, pressing your chest to his, your hips giving a slow roll down against his. It drew a low growl out of him that rumbled through your entire being, it felt like.

When your hands started to travel down his chest, he caught them with one hand and pinned them between you both, his other on your jaw as he drew back from the kiss, panting and pressing his forehead to yours before you could chase his mouth. His eyes were dark, aflame with desire, yet he set his jaw and swallowed back the need you’d wrenched up into him. 

“No, blossom.” He muttered, when you whined and tried to free your hands. He kept them pinned, his hand moving to the back of your head and holding you close. “Not like this.” 

“Mmmn, but… but why not?” You pouted drunkenly, and the corner of his mouth cocked upward. 

“You...no,  _ we _ are drunk. And you deserve… much more than a drunken tryst in a place like this.”  _ And I do not deserve to have you. _ He didn’t say it aloud, but it passed through his mind bitterly. He was distracted by the thought when you pressed your hips down into his, still pouting, and he bit back a groan. Since this afternoon you’d been on his mind, despite how much he tried to distract himself from it, and to have you so insistent in his lap, pressing yourself into him, it took every bit of his self control not to break. 

“Come here,” He rumbled, pulling you off his lap and instead pulling your back to his chest. He could hold you a bit better this way, and he anchored you down with an arm around you and pressed his face to your neck, until you stopped squirming and pouting. You sank into his hold, mind still focused on the press of him against your thigh though he was doing everything to ignore it, and huffed faintly.

“I want you, Hanzo.” You rumbled softly, putting your hand over his arm. Your movements were slower now. He smiled against your neck.

“You want comfort, little blossom, but this is not going to help either of us.” He was clearly far more sober than you were. You frowned, closing your eyes, your jaw clenching a little as a stab of pain in your chest bloomed outward. Emotions you had repressed trying to push through the seams. 

He wasn’t wrong. You wanted to see if you could lose yourself. You wanted to drown the memories of this place in more than alcohol. And you felt so comfortable with him, despite how short a time you’d known him. Maybe it was the alcohol, maybe it was the cracks in your mental state, maybe it was a little bit of both. 

You squirmed in his hold, grumbling when he held you tighter, and prised his arm off of your waist long enough to sit sideways, rather than your back to his chest, and wrapped your arms around his shoulders, pressing your face into his shoulder as he kept his own against your neck. “Rest,” He murmured against your skin, though you already felt the energy draining from your body. 

His warmth was just enough to soothe you into a restless, but deep sleep, clinging to him desperately to keep yourself together. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A second chapter, because I got this one out faster than I expected.  
> I'm weak for pet names... :)


	21. Recall (Part 8) Morals.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  ~~Or the lack of morals.~~  
>  I'm sorry this has taken so long to get out, life's been stressful.   
> I hope you all enjoy~

When you woke, the first thing you noticed was that you were both stretched out now, your body half-draped over Hanzo’s and your cheek resting snug against his chest. You could feel his chin resting atop your head, his fingers drawing slow lines up and down your back that left goosebumps rising in their wake. 

It was still dark, and you still felt far too drunk; you couldn’t have slept for long. With a whine, you squirmed a little to press closer, nestling your nose against his chest and trying to hide against him. In response, he pet the whole of his hand down your back, making it arch a little at the sensation, and hummed softly.

“How do you feel, blossom?” He asked softly, keeping his voice low. You scrunched your nose a little and sighed.

“Drunk.” You replied flatly, making the archer chuckle low, which sent vibrations throughout your body. You were too close. Or not close enough. You let out a sigh as the thought crossed your mind; you’d sobered just enough to know you’d stepped  _ way _ out of line earlier.

“Perhaps,” Hanzo began in that same low rumble, “we ought to rehydrate ourselves and retire to our respective rooms for the evening, so we’re not entirely miserable tomorrow.” 

“I’d rather go to yours,” You muttered, shifting where you lay, thinking for a brief moment on the predicament you were in with your roommates currently. You didn’t realize how it would sound until Hanzo laughed again, this time deeper, the sound making something stir in your chest. 

“I am certain we would both prefer that, little blossom, but frankly,” you felt smiling lips press to the top of your head endearingly. “I cannot ensure that my morals would hold, should I have you in my bed.” You felt heat flush over your cheeks and, despite the moment of shame at how you’d just acted not long ago, you couldn’t help yourself.

Shifting, you lifted your head enough that you could look at him, your chin resting on his chest and a smile playing across your lips. “Promise?” 

Hanzo smirked for half a moment, let out a soft, barked laugh, and then a playful sigh. “You are going to kill me,” He mused, before shifting. Gently, he guided you to sit up beside him, allowing him to sit up as well. Emotions again swirling in your chest, desire and guilt and shame, and you turned your eyes to the dark horizon, the stars twinkling across the sky. 

After a few moments, the archer letting you study the sky peacefully, you felt his hand on your chin, and he used the hold to gently guide your face back towards his, catching your lips in a soft, gentle kiss. “Perhaps some day, with a clear head and sure intent, we may both indulge our thoughts. But tonight is not the night. Come,” He stood, and held his hand out to you. 

You took it, but when your head spun as he helped you to your feet, you shook it. “Maybe… on second thought, maybe I should sit to get down.” You muttered, and he chuckled softly and nodded. He helped you to the edge and ensured you wouldn’t fall, before deftly, and with only the slightest imbalance, descended to the walkway. He helped you down carefully, and, leaning into him heavily, the two of you started for the door.

Stepping out, you were surprised at the amount of activity in the hall; it was then you realized you had started...well, quite early on the drinking. Though most people were sluggishly heading for their respective quarters for the evening, it couldn’t have been far past midnight yet. At least, knowing you had nothing particularly pressing tomorrow aside reorienting yourself and possibly looking for answers, you could sleep off the alcohol. 

Hanzo had yet to let you go, turning with you away from the arena and deeper into the base. You hummed a little, resting your head against his shoulder. “You don’t have to walk me back,” You mumbled after a moment’s thought. “Your room’s just there, I’ll make it on my own.”

“I am sure you can, but I would prefer we both have a couple of bottles of water first,” He mused in return, his hand tightening on your hip as he kept you close to his side. You heard mumbles here and there from some you passed, and you noted a red serape brush past your vision in the opposite direction, but you were too tired and too out of focus to care. Let people think what they would; you’d gone through too much in this place alone to forsake moments of comfort in favor of others’ perceptions of you and your life.

In more or less a comfortable silence, the two of you unsteadily made your way to the mess hall, stumbling either from your proximity or, specifically in your own case, from the drunkenness still hazing your mind. Leading you to a couch, Hanzo retrieved a few bottles of water and you sat, leaned against each other, slowly drinking through them in silence until he was satisfied you’d had enough and wouldn’t be too hungover in the morning.

“I’ll head back on my own,” You murmured, as the two of you stood, your hand resting on his arm for a moment. “And Hanzo? Thanks, for tonight… for everything tonight.” He arched a brow questioningly at you, but you simply smiled, lifted onto your toes, and kissed him chastely, before slipping away.

The water had been enough to clear your head, at least enough to keep you from tripping over yourself as you headed back to your residence. There was a swarm of guilt currently buzzing in your chest as you slipped into Angela’s room. Though you knew better, you felt like you were betraying Gabriel; Jesse. Despite your chill towards him, you couldn’t deny you loved him. You weren’t sure you’d stop.

You’d always been one to embrace a love life with many avenues, but in some way it still felt wrong. Would it stop you? You didn’t know. Maybe you’d end up in the same situation. Maybe you’d, some day, find yourself surrounded by lovers and happy with them all.

Maybe you wouldn’t even live long enough to know if it was a chance.

Genji and Angela hadn’t returned yet, and you fell back onto the bed with a groan. Your blood was still warm with sake, and despite the muddle of emotions clouding your head, you couldn’t keep your mind from wandering. 

At first, it wandered to Hanzo. To the way he’d felt beneath you, the way he’d clung to you like a lifeline and kissed you like it was his last breath. You thought of what his hands would feel like, under your clothes, on your hot skin, tracing shapes with calloused fingers and making your heart race. 

Your feet shifted on the floor as you settled yourself more comfortably, sighing faintly as the thoughts continued to swim in your mind, your hand sliding down your stomach and into your pants. You thought about the sounds he might make, or how he would guide you. He struck you as someone very much inclined to control. 

But as your fingers slipped between your thighs, middle and ring fingers slowly rubbing yourself, his voice shifted, the image in your mind changing, and it was Jesse, his eyes dark and his voice sending familiar chills down your back. You didn’t stop, remembering how things had been with him, how attentive and relentless he’d always been, putting you before anything for himself. 

You thought of his mouth, and the way his beard has rubbed your thighs, the way on some days he would go at it relentlessly until you were an utter mess of overstimulation. And the way he would hold you while he took you, like he could never get close enough; you felt so damn secure, even when he was making you fall apart.

As your back started to arch, and you panted for breath, the image in your mind changed again. With it, behind the building pleasure, came sharp, hot pain somewhere in your chest. Gabriel’s hands on your shoulders, his face close, his body against yours. Gabe’s was a different kind of control. Hanzo would feel you both knew who was in control. Soft, elegant guidance, silent expectations of obedience. Gabe had always seemed like he needed to  _ claim _ control. 

Like he needed to remind you, himself, and anyone within hearing distance that he was the one taking you to the very edge of oblivion itself. 

Oddly enough, you heard them all - Hanzo, Jesse, and Gabe - as you reached climax, your back arching and your free hand covering your mouth to stifle the noise. Their voices whispered your name, reverently, urging you on. Pain still burning your chest from the memories you held, tears pricking at your eyes and spilling over even as pleasure rippled through you.

Yet, even odder, was another voice. Your name, again, first pleasantly surprised, and then shocked. Your eyes shot open to find Angela and Genji standing, frozen, in the doorway, Angela half-way through setting her purse onto a nearby table. Her lips were parted in surprise and you could see from there red starting to creep up her neck and cheeks.

You could  _ feel _ Genji’s eyes, burning into you though hidden behind his faceplate. Heat flooded your face. Without a word, you whipped your hand from your pants, leaped off the bed and darted into the bathroom, door slamming shut behind you though Angela called weakly after you. You pressed your back to the door, slipping down to sit against it and put your head in your hands.

Tears were still slowly trickling down your cheeks, though your face felt so hot it was a miracle they didn’t evaporate immediately. Above the pain was embarrassment. You’d just gotten caught, getting yourself off in your roommates’ bed.

Fantasizing about one said roommate’s  _ brother _ , at that.

At least you knew how to make sleeping in a bath tub work, cause you had no intention of leaving this room tonight. 


	22. Recall (Part 9) Grief

“Liebling, are...you alright?” Angela’s voice came through the door, which just caused the heat on your face to worsen. 

“I’m drunk. And you just walked in on me masturbating in your bed. No, not really.” You replied flatly, ignoring how the crying had made your voice a little rougher. At least your tone seemed to do the trick, as Angela hummed and you could hear her move away from the door.

Slowly, you pushed yourself to your feet, keeping your back firmly to the door until you knew they weren’t going to try and push the door open. Then you grabbed a few towels and proceeded to make yourself a makeshift bed in the bath, closing the door as a barrier; you couldn’t keep them out of their bathroom the whole night, but you were going to at the very least keep away. 

In truth, you were still irritated at how they’d been treating you, the embarrassment of what they’d walked in on was just the cherry on top.

Sleep came easily enough, with just enough Sake in your system to allow it despite the uncomfortable situation you were putting yourself in. When you woke, it wasn’t to a stiff neck and cold ceramic on top of a hangover, as you expected, but instead a soft bed, a body against your back, and another sitting not too far from your head. 

The hangover was still there, though. Not much more than a throbbing headache and an upset stomach, and certainly not enough to actually get sick, but there all the same. You’d have to remember to thank Hanzo later for making sure it wasn’t worse.

You shifted a little, to find yourself all but anchored down by a lithe arm around your waist, and behind you you could feel a sleeping Angela shift closer, mumbling in her sleep. Your brow furrowed a little, and on your other side, you heard Genji chuckle. Glancing up at him, your narrowed eyes widened briefly in surprise as you noticed he didn’t have his faceplate on. It’d been a long time since you’d seen his eyes.

“She refused to let you stay in the bathroom,” He mused, nodding behind you. “Something about it being bad for...well, most of your body. She is also very clingy in her sleep.”

“No kidding,” You quipped quietly in response. Still, you felt a little bit uncomfortable, and took the time to gently, and carefully prise her arm from your waist. It took a bit - unsurprisingly, she had a very strong grip, even unconscious - but finally you were able to sit up, shifting back against the headboard as she rolled onto her other side. 

You looked around Genji for the clock; it was later than you expected, almost 9:30, but it was a weekend so maybe you shouldn’t have been surprised by that. 

“How do you feel?” Genji asked, as you settled back and stared ahead for a moment. You grimaced briefly.

“Besides still mortified and vaguely hungover?” Genji chuckled softly.

“You realize it’s a perfectly natural thing to do, yes?” 

Giving him a side-long glance, you rolled your eyes. “In your own space, sure. Not when you’re staying in someone else’s room.” Not to mention the worst part probably wasn’t the action itself, at least not to you.

Not that you planned to share that information. 

He shrugged loosely, setting a book he’d had in his lap to the side. “Perhaps, but the fact of the matter is we are all adults, and everyone has needs. Perhaps it would have been better not to; perhaps we should have warned you that we were on our way home. There are ways on both sides that could have been avoided, but it wasn’t; you should not get hung up over it.”

“Except even if you had warned me, I wouldn’t know. I didn’t take my phone or my tablet with me.” You retorted, before shrugging. “Doesn’t matter, it isn’t like I can go back. Yesterday as a whole was just a day of weirdness.” 

“Was it?” Genji seemed to take this as a way to keep you talking and, hopefully, distract you. You shrugged a little.

“More than one time I thought about just leaving. Fell on my ass in front of Hanzo and Jesse, one of whom proceeded to laugh about it. Your brother walked in on me naked. I came face to face with the most terrifying person in the world at the current moment; I’m almost certain he knew we were there, too.” Which, you had to admit, made you wonder how you were even alive. “Found out my whole team seems to think I have an active death wish,” You gave him a sideways glance, and noted his eyes flickered away guiltily. “Got drunk with your brother and made some really brash decisions, and then had the two of you walk in with my hand in my pants. So yeah, it was pretty fucking weird.” 

“Certainly an eventful welcome back, wasn’t it?” He chuckled briefly, though when you looked at him, he looked conflicted. Seeming to come to a decision, he looked to you and met your eyes; it was almost uncomfortable, after going so long - even before you left- without really seeing them. “You should know none of us truly think that. It was...simply not an expected outcome, and, well, everyone reacted poorly.”

You felt Angela get up, but Genji’s eyes held yours as she seemed to start shuffling around the room. “Then why the hell does everyone seem to think I’d pick a fight with him?” You knew Genji knew what you meant. His eyes flickered briefly but he didn’t break contact.

“We’ve...been given orders not to discuss that with you. Not yet.”

“By who?” You narrowed your eyes. “Winston?” Since when did he think hiding things from you was a good idea? He’d been the first person to tell you when things went south.

“No,” Angela was the one to respond, and you were surprised when you looked over at her as she set something in your hands. “But we’re not to discuss that, either. We love you, lieb, but… you have been through much. And we must all accept that that kind of loss may have made you someone we don’t know. That it may be a threat; to you and to the rest of us.” 

You weren’t sure you could argue with her. You thought of both Genji and Hanzo, who had spoken of how grief could change people, how it had changed them. You knew it had changed you as well, though you were sure you were no more a threat than you ever had been.

You supposed it made sense that they had to figure that out for themselves. You just had to wonder who was giving these orders.

You looked down at the bottle in your hand and felt your breath catch. Its contents was gold, glittery, and swirled almost unnaturally. The way your stomach turned had nothing to do with your hangover.

“It should help with-”

“I know,” You interrupted Angela, as tears began to fill your eyes again. More memories, memories you’d long since tried to bury, bubbled up to the surface.

A gorgeous dress. An uncomfortable party. A close call that ended with you being carried back to the dropship barely conscious. A conversation. By far, the worst ‘hangover’ you’d ever experienced. This same bottle; watching it swirl as Jesse explained what it was for. Intimacy far more than physical.

A night you’d thought to never forget. A night that, now, you wish you had. An agreement that started it all. 

You felt Genji’s hand go to your shoulder, and - blinking a few times - realized your vision was entirely obscured by tears as Angela quickly took the bottle from your hands. Genji pulled you without a thought into his lap, while Angela crawled back onto the bed and put her arms around your shoulders.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know it would…” 

“You couldn’t have,” You croaked, as you buried your head into her shoulder. It wasn’t like you’d broadcasted to the base what had happened that night. She pet your hair gently, as you clung to her. Genji snaked one arm around your middle, the other hand rubbing your back soothingly. 

“I miss them.” You choked, your chest aching. Angela hummed softly, muttering ‘I know,’ into your hair and hugging you tighter. For a little while, the two of them held you, letting you sob as waves of repressed emotions crashed into you mercilessly. Being here, in this base, made it impossible to forget. Impossible to curb the grief that you’d thought you’d long since dealt with. 

And with that another feeling began to creep up. It’d only been two - well, three days now, and now, with the pain blooming in your chest, you felt guilty for shutting Jesse out. For being so angry with him. You had a right to be upset, sure, but you weren’t even giving him the chance to make amends. You were being childish, you knew, blaming him for more than you should.

It only brought a fresh wave of tears as you thought of how he’d looked at you. A mix of knowing, pain, and resignation. He knew how stubborn you were. 

Maybe it was the fresh wave of missing him that you needed.

A knock on the door was just enough to bring you out of your thoughts, though you were still hiccuping and sobbing softly. Genji bid the visitor entry.

“We got some more orders to- what’s happened?” Jesse’s voice went from formal to concerned quickly, and Angela pulled away from you to look back at him. You looked up at him, meeting his eyes, and he took in your expression. Broken, tears streaming down your face, vulnerable and lost. 

It only took him a few steps to get to the bed, Angela only just moving out of his way but staying close. You felt your throat close up as more tears spilled over. His weight shifted the bed and he reached for your face with his undamaged hand, speaking softly. 

“Darlin’...” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just my usual;  
> Thank you, everyone, for the support. ♥  
> This isn't going entirely how I expected, with relationships and all, but I'm still enjoying writing it and I hope you all continue to enjoy it as well.


	23. Recall (Part 10) Reconciliation

Genji kept his arm securely around your waist, his hand now resting on your shoulder. Uncertain if you’d lash out, as volatile as you had been before. Instead, you leaned your cheek into Jesse’s palm and closed your eyes for a moment, sniffling and hiccuping back more soft sobs. 

“What happened?” He asked again softly, as he knelt beside Angela and in front of you. Her hand still soothed over your shoulder, and once he saw you were accepting Jesse’s closeness, Genji’s returned to rubbing your back gently. 

“I brought up memories unintentionally, I think.” Angela responded for you, nodding to the bottle now sitting on her bedside table. You watched Jesse’s face for a moment. His brow furrowed in confusion, and then recognition bloomed in his eyes and his face softened as he looked back to you. 

“Oh, baby…” He stroked his thumb over your cheek, and your eyes closed again briefly as a fresh wave of grief washed over you. You reached up, after opening your eyes, hands on either side of his jaw and pulled him closer. With no resistance, you pulled his mouth to yours and kissed him, soft and sweet and desperate. His hand moved to cup your neck and he returned the kiss, his brow furrowing and his eyes shutting for a moment as if resisting his own tears. 

When you parted, he pressed his forehead to yours and you let out another soft cry. “I’m sorry,” You whispered softly, voice breaking, and he shook his head slightly. His hand back on your jaw, he put his thumb lightly over your lips briefly to shush you, before stroking it over your cheek again.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t here. I shouldn’ta just left you here, you shouldn’ta been left to go through that alone.” He murmured, his voice rough with the effort to control it. You both knew you hadn’t been, technically, but there was a difference in people outside the relationship versus someone who’d know how much you hurt.

Beside you, you heard Angela sniffle a little, and glanced to see her looking away with a tiny smile on her lips, free hand brushing her cheek. You couldn’t help a light, tearful giggle. “Why are you crying?” You asked softly, your forehead still pressed to Jesse and your hands on his shoulders. Neither of your company had stopped their own comforting gestures. 

“I am...a sympathetic person. And I am glad to see you coming around to patch things up. You deserve comfort after what you’ve been through, liebling, especially from those you love.” She replied gently, glancing back to you. Jesse was smiling slightly, and though your chest still ached and tears were still welling in your eyes, you couldn’t help a tiny smile of your own. 

Genji’s arm finally unwound from around you, and you saw him instead run that hand over Angela’s shoulder, smiling gently himself. You tried to collect yourself, finally, pulling back from Jesse just enough to reach up and scrub your hands over your face. You pressed the heels of your hands to your eyes for a moment to try and stem the crying, clearing your throat.

“You came for another reason, Jesse,” You spoke when you trusted your voice not to crack again. He was still close, sitting rather than kneeling now, and you felt the impulse to touch him, which you satisfied by resting both of your hands on his forearm. He shifted so that he could take one of your hands into his own instead, his thumb rubbing over the back of your hand.

“Right,” He cleared his throat a little to try again to overcome the emotion that had overtaken him. “More orders from the top. We’ve...got a pretty big lead up on some of Talon’s plans. They’re looking to try and snag something out of Illios next month. Boss wants us in the sims as soon as possible for training, make sure everyone’s sharp and ready for it.” For a moment, as brief as it was, your heart leapt in your chest at the way he spoke; a way he’d once referred to Gabriel. You had to guess he was talking about whoever you weren’t supposed to know about. 

“Have we been assigned teams?” Angela asked, as she settled more securely on the bed. You shifted after a moment and climbed gently from Genji’s lap to Jesse’s, and the cyborg wasted no time pulling Angela into your place, making you smile a little. Angela couldn’t help but laugh softly. 

“Not yet,” Jesse answered, his arms winding around your waist. “For now we’re meant ta all try and work together as one big unit; there’s no doubt gonna be multiple teams from Talon working on this, too. Might break off into teams later, to make sure we can work as smaller units too, but we’ve got a month to go off of. Winston’s got everyone gettin’ together in about an hour to start the sims.”

“We should get ready, then,” Genji spoke up, and Jesse nodded a little. “If I may be so bold, I think,” Genji looked to you, his eyes soft. “You should get ready first, and spend some time with Jesse before its time to gather. We’ll catch up later.” You smiled back at him, still shaky and your eyes still stinging a little, and nodded. 

“Yeah, okay. I’ll be out in a second?” You turned to look at Jesse, who’s chin was now resting on your shoulder, and he smiled loosely. 

“Sure thing, darlin’.” He murmured, kissing your cheek. You carefully scrambled out of his lap, wincing when the sudden movement made your head spin and pound all at the same time. You stood for a moment, the heels of both hands pressed to your temples, and waited for your vision to settle. The three of them watched you warily, Jesse shifting to the edge of the bed beside you.

Quickly, before you could think too much, you snatched the golden bottle from the bedside table where Angela had left it, opening and downing it in a few quick gulps as you made your way to the bathroom, taking your bag with your free hand on the way.

As expected, your hangover - far less intense than the last time you’d had this concoction - was gone immediately, and it didn’t take you long to change into your combat gear and holster your revolver at your hip. Ensuring you also had a few other odds and ends stashed away - a couple of knives you kept hidden on your person lately, as well as a smaller pistol for emergencies where you couldn’t draw your revolver. 

Stepping out of the bathroom, you saw Jesse standing by the door, waiting for you. You smiled a little when he offered his hand, and approached, taking it and following him out with a small wave to the others. Once the door was shut behind you, though, your smile fell and you sighed, wrapping your other arm around his as you stood close. You were already both walking, though where to you weren’t sure yet.

“Jesse...I really am sorry. I shouldn’t have acted the way I did…” 

“You had the right t’be mad, darlin’,” He cut you off, kissing your temple, but you shook your head a little bit.

“Maybe so, but the way I handled it was childish. Of all the things to do, just...shutting you out. I didn’t think I was that much like Gabe.” You tried to make a joke out of it, though your apology was genuine, and Jesse chuckled again.

“T’be honest, I wasn’t expectin’ ya to come back so soon. I realized ya needed space and I figured it’d be a few weeks, at least. I’m glad I was wrong.” He smiled against your hair as you giggled briefly.

“I guess you can thank Angela for kickstarting that.” You mused. Jesse hummed, smile falling a little as for a moment your face, tearstained and so vulnerable, flashed before his eyes again. He’d never be thankful that you were in that kind of pain. But he’d take it bringing you back to him.

“So…” He mused, rubbing his thumb over the back of your hand, while your other gripped his forearm. There was a slight smirk in his tone. “Saw ya with Hanzo last night.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, sorry it took so long and it's short.  
> Plus side, school's done!  
> I've had a lot of trouble focusing on this, but I'm hoping with a little downtime before/while I'm job hunting might mean I'm not leaving months between updates.  
> To whoever's still here to read, thank you ♥  
> And here's to hoping this continues to be a satisfying read til the end.


	24. Update, not a chapter

I know I've gone a long time before without updating, but I keep saying I'm going to try and update more when I come back and I feel very guilty for just disappearing for weeks at a time. 

I feel like I should at least give a small explanation, as well as a huge thank you.

So first off, I am, always, eternally grateful for those of you who still read this and for those who trickle in from time to time. That my writing makes anyone at all happy is a feeling of elation to me. I hope, even when it's over it continues to provide some enjoyment.

That being said, I  _do_ plan to finish this...eventually. But, as it turns out, getting a job has gotten  _harder_ since I've finished school and started looking in a specific field. It's taking a toll both financially and mentally, though I'm grateful to have some amazing support around me. This does, unfortunately, cause a huge block for me for writing. I have almost a full chapter written, but getting it finished has been a struggle and I don't want to post less than I feel like you all deserve. 

So I'm going to have to announce an actual hiatus for a short while until things settle down and/or I'm at least not struggling to keep myself afloat in various ways.

Thank you to everyone who's been around, and here's to hoping I'll be back before the end of the year at the very least.

~~Is that really only a few weeks away? It feels unreal.~~

♥

Be back soon, y'all. 


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